Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Observations from the dumb, white guy

  • I have not quite recovered from my failed foot modeling career.
  • How this for frightening? You wake up one day and find out that your penis is gay. The rest of your body is straight but you get aroused by men instead of women now.
  • Dane Cook is one funny dude.
  • I am in the process of changing the design on my blog because I am not liking the current look.
  • My liver is going to take a pounding for the next six weeks because I am going to hanging out with my wang out. Well, OK, I probably won't be doing that but I will be partying like a rock star.
    This weekend: Wedding reception
    Sept. 23: Bachelor party
    Sept. 24: Wedding
    Oct. 1: Wedding
    Oct. 8: Wedding
    Oct. 15: Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers concert in Mexico
    Oct. 22: Road trip to University of Idaho to watch a football game
    Oct. 29: Halloween weekend
    Oct. 31: Concert featuring Cross Canadian Ragweed and Dierks Bentley
    Nov. 1: Check into detox
  • Season finale of "Rescue Me" tonight.
  • Finally, I spent two hours on the phone last night canceling some credit cards. What part of no is so hard to comprehend? Here is how the scene plays out:
    1) I call the 1-800 number and wait 10 minutes before I speak with a human but I am reminded every 60 seconds that my call is important to them.
    2) I speak with human and after telling them all pertinent information to confirm that I am who I say I am and they ask how can they help me.
    3) I tell them I want to cancel my card and then they tell me how sorry they are for losing me as a customer, but they must transfer me to another department that handles these requests.
    4) So repeat step 1 and 2.
    5) Human asks me why I am canceling and I tell them I am performing as JoJo the Indian Circus Boy with the local carnival and there is no need for credit cards when I am going to make a fortune as a circus performer.
    6) apparently my reason is not good enough as the human gives me some really great reasons to continue my relationship with the credit card.
    7) I politely decline and I guess declining only makes human more aggressive in pushing the benefits of credit card upon you.
    8) Finally I say unless you can produce a monkey fucking a coconut in my backyard then I am going to cancel the credit card.
    9) Human finally relinquishes and admits defeat. Victory is mine.
    10) Wash hands and repeat as necessary.

10 comments:

Kirk Bradford Myers said...

Hey, thanks much for leaving comments in my blog. Sorry to hear that your Cardinals took a pounding. Hope the rest of the season turns out better for both of us. :)

Just read today's blog and had to laugh. I myself will be attending my brother's wedding on October 1st. I have been low on hitting the drink lately and will also getting sloshed...having a girlfriend that drives is always a good thing. :)

I feel your pain with the credit card companies...I go through the same thing with people that wake me up knocking on my door at 6:00am wanting to take a "few miniutes" of my time to preach to me and hand out their literature. As my current work schedule is 5pm-1:30am you can understand how this blows my volcano. They don't seem to take no for an answer, either. I actually had one all but forcefully elbow his way into my apartment! (Talk more about that later in my own blog.) These days, I just lie to them and tell them I can't talk right now because I'm too tired from staying up all last night drinking chicken blood and sacrificing goats in Beezelbub's holy name...they usually leave me alone and don't come back after that! :)

Anyway...love your blog! Will be back to check it out from time to time. Take care! :)


--- Kirk Bradford Myers ---


"He who passes gas in church is destined to sit in his own pew."

coloradohurricane said...

The credit card people are very agressive. I've canceled a few, and they offered everything but a bj from britney spears to keep their card in my wallet.

platkat said...

That's crazy--when I cancelled my Capital One card, I got a recording and cancelled it in a couple of minutes without having to talk to anyone. That pleasant, hands-off process alone makes me want to consider using their services again, should I tire of Citibank. Good luck with the performing endeavors!

Cindy said...

I really like #8. I want to memorize it so I can use it when the time is appropriate. Enjoying your blogs!

Sydney said...

Really? Its that difficult to cancel credit cards? I really dont use them so...

Sydney said...

Oh DUHHHHHHHHHHHH... You're the Matt Colorado Hurricane referred to. See, to me you've always been MR. SHIFLEY.

Jon said...

I actually used to work for Citibank about 5 years ago. And yes, I actually did pull a stint in the "retention" department. Wasn't very fun. Wasn't good at that either. The fraud division was fun, but I was one hell of a salesman there.

nycskyflyer said...

feel your pain w/cancelling credit cards. it's happened to all of us.

*however, i wrote specifically to say how priceless the expression is on the little girls face in your profile pic considering what your shirt says. i laughed out loud....

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