Thought of the day
A specific kind of domestic panic sets in when one of your dogs is training for the canine Olympics while the other is actively negotiating with the Grim Reaper.
The mission was simple: Ms. Frizzle has crossed the threshold from "pleasantly plump" to "medically buoyant." Time to drop a few pounds.
Frizz is all in. She’s a lab. Labs would willingly sprint into an active volcano if they thought a tennis ball was hovering over the lava. The second the leash clicks, she’s doing linebacker high-knees by the deadbolt, vibrating with pure joy.
Then there’s Lucy.
Lucy is a basset hound whose life goal is staying within three inches of the earth’s crust at all times. Physical exertion is treason to her. But Lucy suffers from terminal, incurable canine FOMO. If someone sneezes three rooms away, she drags her carcass in to inspect the noise. So when Frizz tap-dances by the door, Lucy’s droopy eyes pop open: “Wait. Where are we going? Are there snacks? I must witness this.”
For the first fifty steps, Lucy is an intrepid explorer.
Around step fifty-one, the horrible reality hits her: No dropped hot dogs. Just walking. Pure manual labor.
Instantly, she turns into a 50-pound sack of wet quickcrete.
Her legs become decorative jelly. Her furry butt drops toward the pavement. She trails three paces behind me, wheezing like an asthmatic lawnmower chewing through wet leaves.
Meanwhile, Frizz is six feet out in front, trying to rip my right arm into the next zip code.
I’m trapped in a suburban torture device: my right shoulder yanked forward by an over-caffeinated yellow bullet, my left wrist dragged toward the center of the earth by an immovable speed bump. Every time I glance back, Lucy hits me with a look of pure betrayal: “I only came because of peer pressure, you monster.”
By the end of the block, neighbors are staring through their blinds, wondering whether to call the HOA or the ASPCA.
Back home, Frizz grabs a toy to celebrate. Lucy collapses onto the tile like a dropped flapjack, exhaling a sigh that clears dust bunnies under the stove, officially dead until dinner.
Tomorrow, we will do it all over again.
And Lucy, cursed by her own desperate need to be included, will drag her miserable ass right behind us.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thanks for stopping by, and I will talk to you soon.
Meme dump
I will keep moving forward.






Team Lucy all the way!!!! Now where did I leave my pom-poms this time? Medically buoyant, huh? I like it!
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DeleteLucy and I must be soul sisters.
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DeleteThe Frizzle Lucy story was high-larious!!! Thanks for sharing that!!
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DeleteA hilarious delving into the diverse personalities of dogs, as variegated as those of humans.
ReplyDeleteIn the course of my life I seem to have devolved from a Frizzle to a Lucy. Perhaps it's just a matter of time.
The 1% nacho achievement would likely be temporary since a full pound of that stuff eaten all at once would surely be barfed away in short order.
Angela probably just left the sock there to dry out after washing her face.
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DeleteThe dog story was very Chaplin-esque. :) The Ikea cake, very fitting!
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DeleteHahaha oh I feel you!
ReplyDeleteI used to be roped into walking a codependent chihuahua and a terminally stupid French bulldog. It was madness.
And the meme about comment about the red sock! That’s literally the definition of the internet
XOXO
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DeleteYou literally had me laughing out loud with your vivid story of walking your two dogs. You captured their individual breeds' personalities perfectly. Have a blessed week, my friend!
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DeleteOh, Lucy . . . . gotta love her! The Ikea one is so right. The last one took me a hot minute!
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DeleteLucy is too funny. My dog is 12 years old and has the energy of a puppy still.
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DeleteI must say I identify with Lucy quite a bit.
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DeleteYour dog narration is so entertaining, especially having labs AND bassets in my family!
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DeleteFrom start to finish a winner post!
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Delete"Medically buoyant" is my new favourite phrase, lol.
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DeleteI had a Bassett hound years ago. He was the best dog I ever had, but if you asked me to take another there is no way I would do it. They are a world unto themselves. Sam would beg for a walk and then sit down squarely in the middle of the sidewalk a quarter of a mile from home and refuse to budge. I do miss him dearly.
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DeleteReminds me of my daughter’s two doggos, one who loves walks, the longer the better, and the other who would prefer to be carried on a silk pillow!
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DeleteWe love our dogs despite their imperfections because that's how they love us.
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DeleteWe love our dogs despite their imperfections because that's how they love us.
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DeleteTake your medically buoyant dog swimming. This allows you to sit on the beach with Lucy-the-inert. Just keep throwing the ball out in to the water and waiting for it to be returned.
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DeleteNice looking puppy dogs.
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DeleteLiving with an older dog who never liked walking and a younger (5 year old) pup who has crazy energy, I can relate. I've always thought a Bassett hound would be good to have for you always have something more tired than yourself around.
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DeleteDeus caritas est!
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