Thought of the day
I have a story to share that will remind you why I call this blog "Confessions of a dumb, white guy."
Last weekend Hayden had a softball tournament.
The games started early so we had to get up at 5 am to be there by 7 am.
So by the time we got home in the afternoon, we were all exhausted.
As we are getting close to home, I look out the car window and see Lucy's least favorite canine playing in the schoolyard behind our house.
It is an Afghan hound.
Lucy goes crazy every time she sees this dog.
Her hair stands up and she howls differently.
I don't know if it is a fit of jealousy because it is a tall dog with long legs and hair.
Whatever the case, Lucy is not a fan.
So I see the dog and say, "There's Lucy's nemesis!"
Then I heard Hayden respond with "That horse!"
But I didn't hear "that horse."
I heard something else.
Something that I never expected to hear from my 12-year-old daughter.
I looked over at Mrs. Shife and she was laughing at what was said.
Based on her reaction, I tried to process what was going on:
"Well, my wife is laughing at what our daughter said.
It must be OK with her that Hayden used those words.
I mean she is the boss and if Mama Bear is cool with it then it is cool."
It must be OK with her that Hayden used those words.
I mean she is the boss and if Mama Bear is cool with it then it is cool."
I then blurted out. "Why did you call that dog a fat whore, Hayden?"
"WHAT!!! I didn't say that," says Hayden.
"She said 'that horse,'" says Mrs. Shife.
"That horse makes a lot more sense than fat whore," I said as I began searching for my parenting dignity.
Mrs. Shife and I had a nice chuckle about it and it will be a story we laugh about in the future when Hayden is in therapy.
Meme dump
Thanks for stopping by and I will talk to you soon.
I will persevere.
I will keep moving forward.
I will be the stream.
That lemon might give me nightmares.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite horrific.
DeleteHahahahaha, good story. But did you mishear because you were tired, or is it time for hearing aids, old man? After all, look at the photo of you watching TikToks.
ReplyDeleteI blame it on the heat and being tired.
DeleteWell over at my house there is a lot of laughter for things we 'think' we hear. So welcome to the club. Enjoy the laughter. Your kids will remind you of this when you're 75!!
ReplyDeleteYes, they will. Thanks, Peg.
DeleteI feel I’ve read a whole magazine coming here xx
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome, John. I think.
DeleteOh, my goodness. Way to go, eh? ;)
ReplyDeleteI am going for dad of the year.
DeleteHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteOhhh *awkward*
But I applaud your use of a Carson Kressley Gif!
Well, played, Mr. Shife!
XOXO
TY, SP!
DeleteI misread things all the time, so I can understand mishearing. I mean, maybe that dog IS a fat whore? But that lemon is creeping me out.
ReplyDeleteIt will be the first question I ask the dog's owner.
DeleteYour story reminds me of something similar that happened to me. I was about Hayden's age and my Mom misheard something I said (which was equally innocuous) and grounded me for the afternoon.
ReplyDeleteBeing grounded was the worst at that age because going outside was the only way to entertain yourself.
DeleteI will be using fucktangular every chance I get ... and I will be having nightmares about the lemon and that fat whore.
ReplyDeleteThat lemon does resemble a fat whore, Bob.
DeleteI mishear things frequently too and am particularly terrible with song lyrics. Fat Whore indeed! The lemon is utterly creepy.
ReplyDeleteMe and song lyrics have lots of problems.
DeleteWhat were you thinking that turned "that horse" into "fat whore"?
ReplyDeleteI think that was the problem, Joanne. I wasn't thinking.
DeleteOmg. There was that bright and shiny moment I saw a circle embossed on his wallet. I sat down to think about the talk I needed to have and then I marched down to the garage to have that talk. Unfortunately the first words out of my mouth were "before you have sex I need you to think long and hard..." And as soon as I said the words, I knew they were wrong.
ReplyDeleteThis made me chuckle.
DeleteThat last meme is my wife totally. She'll be the first to admit it, but she'd kill me for saying it. There are fairly often hearing issues in our home, too. And don't get me started on the auto correct text shit.
ReplyDeleteDuck yeah!!
DeleteFor that, I am eternally grapefruit! I might steal that. I feel sorry that you have to live near someone who owns an Afghan Hound.
ReplyDeleteSteal away, Dave.
DeleteI wasn't going to blog about this but since you started it....
ReplyDeleteA couple weeks ago my daughter was talking about an incident in which students were electronically passing around a photo of a teacher holding an envelope with C-U-N-T, written on it. When my daughter was telling this story, she always spelled out the letters. Finally I asked her what the letters C-U-N-T meant and she paused, looked at me and said it was a bad word dad. I felt like such a fool.
Thanks for sharing, Ed. A lot of foolishness happens once you become a parent.
DeleteThat's hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI'm hard of hearing and my 11 year old grandson speaks softly. So every once in a while I hear thing she never said. He called Falcor, little Falcor a few weeks ago...I heard little fucker. LOL
LOL
DeleteThere's a lot of laughter at our house because words are misheard, or mispronounced.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be happening more often in our house.
DeleteThat horse/fat whore- yeah, I can see the confusion...
ReplyDeleteI blame the heat.
DeleteGreat story...Age affects our hearing
ReplyDeleteIt certainly does, Jeff.
DeleteLOL!! Definitely one for the archives :D
ReplyDelete