Where In The World Have You Been Mr. Shife Poll? 

a) Relocated to Brazil to start my waxing internship. 

b) Re-relocated back to America. Turns out you don't have to move to South America to learn about Brazilian waxing. 

b) Drawing penises around potholes to get the city to fix them. 

c) Practicing my mariachi skills so I can start a rock cover band called Juan Jovi.

d) Trying to get financing for my off-off-off Broadway play, "You Are A Righteous Dude and Other Lies I Tell Myself."

e) Petitioning our governor to rename one of the state's lakes to Lake Polyester Cockwomble.

f) Researching equine artificial insemination facilities

g) Jazzercise instructor reunion

h) Stuck in a cave with a coked-up Servil cat 

i) Training Team Lucrizzle for the Iditarod 

j) Researching the pros and cons of being a mayonnaise farmer

k) Debating the most effective rectal route to curing hiccups on Reddit 

l) Waiting to hear back from the board if my research on the propulsion parameters of penguin poop has adequate inclusion/exclusion criteria

m) Thinking about hyphenating my last name to Galliono-Shifley or maybe Blazejowski-Shifley 

n) Nicolas Cage movie marathon 

o) Joined a cult

p) Ate Taco Bell 

q) Working a new line of fortune cookies with words of wisdom like don't lick the stripper pole. 

r) Still waiting to be discovered as America's next top foot model.

s) Celebrating 19 years of awesomeness with my wonderful and amazing wife, Mrs. Shife

t) Training thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds to toast Mr. Thurber this Thursday

u) This isn’t really me. I am concealing my identity because I am being followed. If you need to contact me, flip a coin into the sunlight and look north. I will be there

v) Searching worldwide for the right grapes for my Wine for Cats collection. I think I am really close to perfecting a Pinot Meow recipe.

w) Trying to find a new gym after getting kicked out of mine because I asked someone if I could work with them while they were on the stair climber.

x) Creating content for my newsletter, The Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy, and Stupid.

y) Recalculating my 401k over and over again to see if I can retire sooner than later. The outlook is not good unless I give up everything that brings me joy. 

z) COVID again. For those of you keeping track, I think this is the 7th time I have had it. This one feels like it is lingering forever and I have been sick the entire month of September. 

All kidding aside, I am not sure what is going on with me and blogging. 
It's been a month and to quote my good friend, Peter: 

And, to be honest, that sounds horrible because to me blogging has always been a relationship that you have to nurture and develop because you are blogging with other people so it sort of comes off as if I don't miss any of my wonderful blogging friends. 
I miss the camaraderie and interactions but I don't miss the blogging process if that makes any sense at all.
I really felt like I had just been going through the motions lately when I was blogging. 
I also have been busy with work and trying to be a better husband, father, and dude. 
We also have Kyle and Hayden's sports schedule which is 6 days a week until the end of October.
We signed up for this so I am not looking for sympathy but a typical day has us on the move until 8 pm on some nights so my blogging motivation is non-existent when I get home. 
I have also started to share stuff with Mrs. Shife that I would normally put on my blog.
I know I should be doing that anyway but I come from a long line of folks that like to self-medicate with booze and alcohol instead of discussing things. 
We jokingly have said that our family motto is "I don't want to talk about it." 
But this path I have been on for the past 11 months has started to change me in a good way. 
I am opening myself up more to her and others.
I am actually engaging in conversations and enjoying the process instead of worried about insecure.
It's quite bizarre because this is not the dude I have been for most of my adult life. 
So I honestly don't know what my plan is with my blog. 
I appreciate each and every one of you who has stopped by to visit and I am grateful that this thing I started in 2005 is still around. 
I hope you are well and I look forward to swinging by your blog to say hello.
Hopefully, after things get a little less busy, I can get back to blogging more.
Take care. 

I will persevere.
I will keep moving forward.
I will be the stream. 


  1. So many choices...

    But really...did you get covid again? My son has had it three times.

    Our family motto seems to be in times of great emotion, we shake hands.

    I am a bit surprised that real human interaction could replace all of us, but I guess I get that.

    1. Yes, I really did, Debby. I think it might be the 4th time. Mrs. Shife works at a pediatric clinic so she brings home all kinds of goodies.

  2. So glad to hear from you, even if some of what I'm hearing sounds painful. (And I'm not talking about Brazilian waxing.) A big yes to opening up to your life partner. My husband found that hard, too, and only when he got cancer (and was on a steroid that revved up his thoughts and loosened his tongue) did he start to open up to me the way I wished he had been able to do our whole life together. I'm glad you figured out how to start before you got to that extreme. I've noticed a subset of bloggers who have stopped blogging after their lives became happier. Not saying that's you or not you. Just don't feel badly if it happens. It's always better to be happy in real life than to spend that energy on connections with the blogging world that are always going to be limited by geography. Wishing you well, as always!

  3. Don't lick the stripper pole? NOW you tell me? Sheesh, thanks.
    Glad to hear you are having more and better conversations with Mrs Shife and others. That's more important than blogging any day! Whatever you decide to do about blogging, thanks for all the posts and laffs you've provided up til now.

    1. Thanks for stopping by and saying hello, Debra.

  4. Real life should always take precedence. That said, I would like to see the occasional meme dump from you. 😉

  5. Anonymous9/24/2023

    I've missed you. It's possible that doing non stop blogging beyond your normal 30 day challenge burned you out a bit. But yes, you sound a tad busy. I hope you stick around, but only as the mood strikes you.

  6. That last (possibly anonymous) comment was from me.

  7. Anonymous9/24/2023

    Don't feel like you have to publish to your blog on any type of schedule at all. I'm pretty sure I speak for most of your readers that we'll be thrilled to see your name pop up, whether that's next week, next month, or next year. With that being said , when life gets crazy I second Kelly's meme dump suggestion.

    (This is Kathy G. For some reason Blogger isn't playing well with my Mac computer today.)

  8. Nicholas Cage movie marathon.

    Real life comes first, I think we all know that. I tend to blog ahead just in case I don't have time to make a blog post for for days. I have at least 3 blog posts written and scheduled to post each week for several weeks just in case something comes up. I have joked that if something happens to me or I die, my friends won't know for weeks because my blog posts will keep posting for a while.

  9. I found a couple I think were probably true, but whatever the reason, you sound like you're on a good path and that's the best thing ever.
    I grew up in a "Let's not discuss this" household so I literally discuss everything. And I think that's working for me so ....

  10. I was hoping it was answer S, but yeah, I get it. I’m lucky to post once a month these days, but I do enjoy following others’ posts to keep me sane and connected. I enjoy my blogger buds too much to leave.

  11. My security software is blocking your site. Go to your settings and see if https redirect is turned on.

  12. Way to go. Seriously, stop by when your life is less hectic and you're all talked out.

  13. Penises in the road? Wow. Take your time. Don't for seconds when your plate is still full.

  14. I'm not good at opening up either though I find I can write it all in a letter. Covid for the 7th time?
    I thought you might be never coming back so I deleted you from my list just yesterday and here you are back again!

    1. I will be around, River, so don't give up on me just yet.

  15. As I read your neatly alphabetized list I was all set to say that you're probably doing 'all of the above' but apparently no? I know that a big change or changes like the ones you've been through makes a person introspective and also changes the way you look at a lot of things in life. Blog if you feel like it. And don't if you don't. No fun if you're not doing it for your own enjoyment.

  16. First time I have visited your blog. This post made me laugh so I will be back to look more thoroughly at your posts! As for the pothole pic, we have appalling potholes in my (English) village. I'm seriously contemplating drawing around it like that one! I think my neighbours would approve.

    1. Hello Around My Kitchen Table. I hope you come back and I look forward to seeing your penis pothole pictures.

  17. Hahahaha
    Ohhh there's some for the bucket list, for sure.
    And you know that Blogging has to feel like fun (for me, it's catharsis, but hey). You cannot hurry blogging. When it comes, it comes. And it's as fun as this post!


    1. I post when I feel like it and so should you. :) Of course I want to write the most when typepad is misbehaving. LOL

    2. Thanks, Sixpence and Margaret.

  18. I totally understand about blogging. Sometimes it is very enjoyable, but other times it does feel like a challenge for different reasons. I absolutely do still think of people who I have interacted with a lot here, even when I'm not posting or commenting. If you did have Covid, hope you're ok. I know for many, symptoms do continue for a while. And if it is an anniversary for you and the Mrs. ... congrats!! November will be our 40th!!
    I hope you continue with your blog!! All the best with everything happening in your world.

    1. Thank you, Mary, and congrats on #40. That is awesome.

  19. Great work on you and I love the positive changes it has made on everything else in your life like your relationship with your partner. As for that video - one of my favorite movies. It never ceases to make me laugh. (my stapler) I hope are still come around but if not, we all understand that too. Best!

  20. All of them are plausible so it is very hard to decide. I guess I'll go with researching to become a mayonnaise farmer because nobody in the government would implant seven tracking devices into you and call if Covid and we all know your wife planned the 19th anniversary festivities.

  21. I vote for penis graffiti artist. Har-har. But seriously, it sounds like you're well and connecting in a more meaningful way with friends and family (and that is pretty rad). Take care, Mr. Shife! -bea

  22. Anonymous9/27/2023

    I think you were doing all of them and was just so busy... Glad you are reconnecting with family and friends! Jeff. https://fromarockyhillside.com

  23. You've been busy so don't sweat it! We are happy to hear from you whenever you get the chance!

  24. Anonymous9/27/2023

    Damn! I was hoping waxing and wanting back, crack and balls done. But I'm glad you are at least feeling better enough to let us know you are alive.

    1. Yes, I am still on the right side of the grass, Jimmy.

  25. Hello...my survey choice is jazzercise! Because I need to exercise. I have gained some weight and I can tell it has had it's effects on me.

  26. Well I could see you being about 3 of those choices you listed. But, mostly the 2nd B would be my answer. After drawing whatever around a pothole to call attention to it and get it fixed is a public service. I'm sure you'll be awarded for it. Hope things calm down for you, because you can't quite blogging. We've taken an pole and the decision was made for you. Take Care.
    Sandy's Space


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