Sometimes I get a reminder that I am not a smart man.
I was grocery shopping at everyone's "favorite" - Wal-Mart - and was trying to get in and out as quickly as possible for obvious reasons.
I was grocery shopping at everyone's "favorite" - Wal-Mart - and was trying to get in and out as quickly as possible for obvious reasons.
Just in case you are unaware of my "love affair" with Wally World, here's how I have described this soul-sucking retail hellscape: The Wal-Mart nearest to us has a tractor beam that pulls in every weirdo with a beardo, asshole who ate too much casserole, moron who thinks daily grooming is something that you shouldn't dwell on, whacko with placqo, and nincompoop whose IQ rivals chicken soup.
Well, in my hurry for more savory scenery, I made a mistake and purchased ghost pepper pizza sauce.
If you are fan of hot, hot, hot stuff then this is the sauce for you.
Mrs. Shife and I are not fans of the en fuego.
However, if you don't mind shooting flames out of your butt when you go to the bathroom then I would recommend it.
However, if you don't mind shooting flames out of your butt when you go to the bathroom then I would recommend it.
And that is today's shopping advice from yours truly.
The big guy
Kyle had a big week as he got an early birthday present.
Way early because it's not until the end of March.
He finally got a bona-fide smart watch.
He kept reminding that he was the only 7th-grader in the world that didn't have a smart device.
So we decided to quit torturing him.
He has been hanging out with his friends at their house and parks so it will be nice to know that we can get in touch with him if necessary.
He's also a pretty darn good kid.
I was reminded of that the other day after Ms. Frizzle had eviscerated one of her stuffed animals.
Kyle took all of the stuffing, put it back in and sewed up the animal for his dog.
Unfortunately, it didn't take long for Ms. Frizzle to remove the stuffing again but I was impressed with his gesture and his sewing skills.
He's also working on his art skills.
Kyle is really into technology but he is feeding the other side of his brain by taking an art class.
As a former journalist, it pained me to see the atrocious spelling but, like all of us, he is a work in progress and it will come along sooner than later.
Or I can blame it on COVID and no in-person learning for 18 months.
Deuces wild
Don't forget next Tuesday is 2/22/22.
Or is it s 2's day?
Or maybe Twos-day?
And it is Taco Tuesday as well.
Holy guacamole!!
I am not sure what you supposed to do on this special day.
Maybe two unto others as you would have them two to you.
Well I plan on being grumpy because I will be returning to work after a 4-day weekend.
Meme dump
I am better than I was. I will be better than I am.
I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.
I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.
I just laughed out loud at the wine/bookcase meme. I'm in my office alone and that sounded loud! Thank you I needed that. I'm with you and Walmart. Where are these people on any given day because I don't see them out and about in the world unless I go to Walmart. If you recall I told the story of my husband seeing a woman who duct taped her blouse shut around her breast because they were "bustin' out'. He wanted to get a picture because he said I would never believe it but he couldn't do it without it being obvious. I told him she'd probably love it. I so would have loved to see that one!
ReplyDeleteI loved that meme as well, Peggy. I don't want draws them in but Wal-Mart has it down on bringing in the strangest folks.
DeleteWalmartians remind us that "we are not alone in the universe" - they live among us, trying to pretend to be like us.
ReplyDeleteThat would make me feel so much better if that was true.
DeleteI remember the days of, "I'm the only kid who doesn't have . . . " But I'm super impressed that you have a kid who know how to sew! None of mine do. I blame it on the lack of Home Ec classes when they were in school and not a reflection of my parenting skills.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember what sparked the interest but he has his own sewing kit.
DeleteLove that bookshelf one! I used to look at People of Walmart but it got discouraging after a while. We have one here and I never go there. I find it a depressing place. I've heard of ghost peppers and nothing good.
ReplyDeleteI think avoiding ghost peppers is a good strategy to follow, Margaret.
DeleteI really like his art piece. I think he has talent. I call walmart 'house of satan'
ReplyDeleteTY, YDG.
DeleteI lost my anal hot sauce virginity at a small gas station in western Minnesota after eating a bowl chili the night before with similar hot sauce added to it. The gas station was one of those where the attendant on duty gave you a key to unlock the bathroom door. He appeared quite surprised to see me alive when I returned the key, I assume from my screams of intense pain he overheard through the thin uninsulated walls.
ReplyDeleteYou painted a vivid and funny picture, Ed. Thank you.
DeleteI like shopping at Wal-Mart. I don't shop for dates there, but I like shopping for food there.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised People of Walmart doesn't have a dating app feature.
DeleteI call those that shop at That Place "toothless cousin effers." And I stand by that.
ReplyDeleteKyle sounds like a good kid and good on him for breaking into his artistic side and his sewing side. Those are useful skills!
I need three glasses of wine and I can build a bookcase??? Good to know!
I wish they would use that model to help out with putting together stuff. After 4 beers these IKEA instructions will make perfect sense.
DeleteHence why I am always a little nervous every time I go into a Walmart! Love the serial killer meme! If only!!!
ReplyDeleteMe too, Jeannette, on Walmart and the serial killer meme.
DeleteNice piece of art work! We have a WM very close and I'm there a lot. I've never spotted ghost pepper pizza sauce but I will make sure to look twice if I ever need some.
ReplyDeleteWalmart is where I found the sauce, kden.
DeleteThe Walmarts (note the plural) in our area have the same tractor beam so maybe it has something to do with the Jewish Space Lasers. I like spicy. A lot. The more often you spice things up, the less of a problem there is eliminating the spice from your system. And that art is really great! Seriously! Believe me, the words work with the concept.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dave R. I wish the misspelling was intentional but we can go with your logic for the time being.
DeleteI have successfully stayed out of walmart for at least ten years. Great serial memes.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wise woman, Joanne.
DeleteI cannot go into a Wal Mart but my dear hubby will go for me. I bet Kyle loves that smart watch! I finally got one and I admit it's helpful. Kyle does always sound like a responsible guy. It's so nice that he helped out Ms. Frizzle!
ReplyDeleteHe has made it easy being a dad.
DeleteI have not experienced the Walmart you have experienced. I have not been to Walmart (Wally World??) often enough or long enough to really appreciate its fauna, TBH. Also, what is a tractor beam?
ReplyDeleteAnd I positively loved Kyle's art! Would totally encourage it. Same as his sewing skills. Trust me, they'll come handy when he's in college (and beyond!).
I don't remember having a smart watch in seventh grade!
XOXO
Not a fan of Star Trek, Sixpence? Tractor beam, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tractor_beam
DeleteThe book case meme is hilarious. I love spicy food. The more that you eat of it, the more you can tolerate.
ReplyDeleteI think I missed my chance to be a spicy food person, Debby.
DeleteI don’t shop at Walmart. When I do, I run in, grab that thing and run out (of course I pay for it on the way). I don’t know why I dislike it so much…..perhaps it’s photos like the one you posted (Oh how horrifying). There’s really nothing there that I can’t get somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteIt's just the nearest and most-economical grocery store for us but I can always do pick up to avoid the trauma.
DeleteWalmart is one of the scariest places I know of, I don't go there unless absolutely necessary. Kyle is one lucky kid but being a good kid counts for a lot. Do all the kids really already have those these days? Love the bookcase meme, works for me. Hope you and the fam have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteYes, even the kids in Hayden's class (4th grade) bring phones to school. She will not get anything until at least she is Kyle's age.
DeleteOh my, so thankful I don't have to do any shopping at Walmart. Went many years ago to see what all the fuss was about, and have been happy as a clam (how happy is a clam?) that I have many other option so avoid the store all together. Your son has some art talent. I like to see a well balanced kid. Often times they get so wrapped up in one sport, or one activity that they don't have an opportunity to grow in other areas. Nice jester on his part about the stuffing. Had to laugh about him being the only kid in the world with a smart watch. The wine and the book case had me nodding in agreement. As a friend of mine used to say, "Drink Up Shriners".
ReplyDeleteYou are missing out on too much unless you need blogging material, Sandy.
DeleteI haven't shopped at Walmart in years. The long lines, the slow as a snail cashiers and the cashiers that have no idea what they're doing. Nope, I'll stick with a different store.
ReplyDeleteI think I am going back to just picking up the groceries.
DeleteThe People of Wal-Mart certainly are the Human Sideshow, but it is the one place where you could walk in there any kind of way and nobody would give you a 2nd glance, so there's THAT.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely can fit right in if you have the fuck it switch turned on that day.
DeleteI feel about the same as you about Walmart and think I've been inside one once in the past year... But I'm curious about that hot sauce.
ReplyDeleteHere's a link to that sauce, https://www.specialtyfood.com/products/product/16062/scarpetta-ghost-pepper-pizza-sauce/
DeleteTaco Tuesday!! See? Throw something shiny in front of me and my mind goes straight to the shiny and remains there all day long!
ReplyDeleteWell I hope you enjoy the shiny and special day, JM.
DeleteI'm kind of disappointed that all I see at WalMart are my neighbours, and they're just normal people :) Seriously, WalMart is one of the few stores we have, so it performs the same function as our older, now-defunct department stores. The shopping choices in our town are dismal and they have the best selection and at good prices.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunate about the pizza sauce :)