The Hammock Adventures

I wanted to share a story with you. 
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


I've started a new evening ritual: I leave my technology inside except my Walkman, and I get into the hammock in the backyard and listen to an album from start to finish.

My cat has been curious about this new habit, and I've been trying to coax him into the hammock.

Tonight was some Rolling Stones -- I've never really given them a fair shake so I'm working through the Stones in Mono box set -- and like clockwork, my big grey lump of a cat shows up. 
I make some space and start patting the hammock and asking him to jump up.

And to my delight, he decides to climb into the hammock!
Except not in a very cat-like way. Huh.
At this point, I should let you know that my backyard is very dark and I don't see well.

I have just invited a raccoon into the hammock with me and the raccoon has obliged.



The raccoon stares at me for a while.
Like, "you invited me up here, now what?"

Now, what indeed.

So I very slowly put one foot down and then the other on either side of the hammock and slowly try to stand up. I am maintaining eye contact with the raccoon as if my life depends on it.

Here is my second miscalculation of the evening: As I take my weight off of the hammock, the raccoon starts to slide towards the middle.

I am straddling the hammock and the raccoon is sliding straight at my crotch and I can think of is the laser scene in Goldfinger.



I chuckle a little. 
The raccoon doesn't like this noise.
Or he doesn't like sliding.
Or both.
He tries to turn around and climb back to his end of the hammock but instead, now I'm straddling the raccoon like I'm playing horsey with it.

I shout something, maybe "Christ?" 
I don't know.
The raccoon also makes a kind of disgruntled old man noise that probably means the same thing.

I do a profoundly inelegant dismount, bringing one leg up way too high to get it over the raccoon and end up falling on the ground.


The raccoon looks down at me from the hammock. 
He grunts.
He settles in.

The raccoon is outside in what I assume is now his hammock.
I am inside on the couch with ice on my groin because I definitely pulled something.

Anyways, I am still not a fan of the Rolling Stones. 


Story credit to Aaron Reynolds. 


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 


"To err on the side of passion is human and right and the only way I'll live."
Pat Tillman, 11/6/76 - 4/22/04 #GoneButNotForgetten

Comments

  1. Yikes! That was one bold raccoon. Did he think you were going to feed him? -glad you escaped his clutches unscathed. Also: Do you really still have a Walkman? Color me jealous. I have a few cassette tapes that I'd like to listen to (none of them being The Stones).

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    1. Not a Stones fan at all. I used to have a glorious yellow Walkman that I adored and listened to Metallica every day on my way to classes but I am not sure what happened to that guy. We have one cassette tape in our house, Lionel Richie. Not sure if that is good or bad.

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    2. Looks like they are still around, https://www.etsy.com/listing/530360592/vintage-sony-walkman-sports-wm-af59?gpla=1&gao=1&

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  2. You did a fine job with a bunch of gifs and a thread.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Joanne. Not feeling overly creative with my kiddos gone. But some could say that I am not overly creative when the kiddos are around.

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  3. When the city was experimenting with garbage
    collection here - they tried every 2 weeks. We
    didn't notice any smell but raccoons showed up
    everywhere. I watched a mama and her 2 babies
    stroll across our lawn.
    take care, xoxo :-)

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    Replies
    1. I wonder if a raccoon boon was part of their calculations.

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  4. THAT scene could have been a nightmare. glad it wasn't you. I too had a yellow walkman back in the day. it died, but I still have all my tapes.

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    1. Me too. If you have a spare $150 dollars, you can buy yourself another yellow walkman. I found one on Etsy. Tempted but not that tempted.

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  5. That was a funny story! Of course it could have turned out worse... You know raccoons are very smart animals and I'm sure they do know comfort when they see it. Do the kids come home this weekend or are they staying two weeks? I bet you already have made some plans for their return!

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    Replies
    1. The kiddos will be home tomorrow and the only plans are to smother them with hugs and kisses.

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  6. Lol, next time wear glasses and bring a flashlight.......

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  7. That was a great story! It sorta does sound like your life though :)

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    1. Exactly, kden. I think that is why I enjoyed it so much.

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  8. Okay, so you're not a Stones fan, but what song was playing during this brouhaha? I gotta know so I can reread this with the song in mind. By the way, this was by far the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Are you sure we're not related somehow?

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    1. I don't remember the song. Sorry. It's possible we are related but most people really aren't waiting to make that proclamation in public. I think I have pissed off or been disowned by half of my family.

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    2. Okay, let me be your sister from another mister and let people try to figure that one out and then they can figure out which one of us is crazier and why...

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  9. I'm getting senile. I was SURE I left a comment a couple of days ago, but nooooo ...
    Anyway, this story was hilarious and made my day! Thanks for sharing it.

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    Replies
    1. I just erase your comments to mess with you, jenny_o. =)

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    2. lol - well at least you're honest :D

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