You're Welcome

Did I ever tell about the time I turned 50 and saved a dude's life?
Probably not since it happened last week.
Maybe I should tell you about it then.
Well, do you remember last week when I turned 50?
I am sure you do.
I made a big deal about with this whole countdown thing.

I know. I have issues.
Anyway, the family and I went on a little adventure to visit some hot springs on my birthday. 
Did I mention that it was my birthday was last week? 
I thought I did but I wanted to double-check.
Anyhoo ... we made our way over to the first set of hot spring pools but they were occupied.
A man was there with his family and told us to keep going as there were more pools. 
We followed his advice and got to the next set of pools but they were also occupied.
A young man told us if we kept going there were even more hot spring pools with a waterfall.

We made our way over to see if we could find the spot he was talking about.

Me leading the way in the above photo. Then a few more steps led me to view in the below photo.

From this angle, you can see one of the pools and the waterfalls.
You can also see a large pile of what appears to be clothes on one of the rocks. 

I didn't think much of it.
I was just excited to check out these amazing hot springs. 
As we continued our descent, I noticed that there were some people down there. 
They were in the hot springs pool right by the river.
They had no idea we were there because they were next to a fast-flowing river and a waterfall.
It was pretty evident that they couldn't hear us because they were about to ...

Get it on. 
I know my vision isn't what it used to be.
Maybe it was aggressive cuddling.
But I know a thing or two about a thing or two and it looked like all of their things were out.
A young lady was straddling a young man and it looked like a no-pants dance was about to start. 
I was hoping they would hear us and that would pause their nude rodeo.
Frizzle is bombing up and down the hill because she can't wait to get into the water. 
That doesn't get the young couple's attention. 
We are yelling at Frizzle to come back.
That doesn't have an effect on the passion party.
It's looking like a river runs through it, indeed. 
"I think there are two people down there trying to have S-E-X!" 
I mouth to Mrs. Shife hoping she can read my lips. 
She can not and she still can't see what I am seeing because she hasn't made it around the corner.
I also have to be careful because Kyle and Hayden are next to me.
While I am trying to convey to my lovely wife what is going on as discreetly as possible I didn't notice that Hayden had decided to go on without us. 
Her and Frizzle are taking the hill on like the Jamaican bobsled team.

Now it's on like Donkey Kong.
I start my own run down to try and catch Hayden.
Instead, I slip and eat it hardcore. 
I nearly got violated by a large boulder. 
A few inches to the right and I would have a truly different birthday experience. 
Have I mentioned that it was my birthday last week?
Anyway, here's an artist's rendering of what my butt cheek looks like right now:

Then I hear, "Daddy, get down here. This place is amazing!"
If you know Hayden, she isn't quiet. 
It's not in her DNA.
EVERYONE heard her.
The young couple peeled apart faster than green grass goes through a goose. 
And then I could see the disappointment kick in for the young couple.
Especially the young man.
He fell back into the water and covered his face with his hands.

He would remember this for a long time.
Mostly because he had an amazing case of blue balls. 
As all of us got closer to the river's edge and near the couple, I nodded at him and said:
"You're welcome." 
I then pointed to my kiddos to remind him of what his future might look like if he was able to finish. 
Then I asked him if he heard that it was my birthday.

All of the hot spring pools and the back of the dude who got interrupted by the Shifleys.

Ms. Frizzle showing you the spot where they almost did it.

Here's what the pool looks like in "normal" times.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

"To err on the side of passion is human and right and the only way I'll live."
Pat Tillman, 11/6/76 - 4/22/04 #GoneButNotForgetten


  1. Oh, man. I'm howlin'. Happy Coitus Interruptus to those two!

  2. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying..good thing it wasn't his birthday..hahahahah.
    happy birthday sweety ...

  3. How funny! And how embarrassing! Well, when you are in public you have to expect things like that.

  4. Very funny and smart Topic. Stay safe & Healthy

  5. OMG I AM HOWLING HERE, you sure know how to tell a tale.
    One thing for sure, that couple will never forget their day at sea and neither will you.
    Have I mentioned that it was my birthday last week? Really? I wish you had told us.

  6. I bet that guy hated you. :D I hope your arse goes back to normal very soon.

  7. much chortling!!

    take care, xoxo :-)

  8. People who think they're alone in the wild blue yonder often aren' Nice little adventure!

  9. Hilarious, particularly for all of us who are not that couple :D I hope your bruise goes away soon. Also, you forgot to tell us how the young man and young lady got back to their pile of clothing with all the spectators watching!

  10. Hilarious. Did your children ask any interesting questions on the way home? Someday they may.

  11. hehee,.....
    nice story.
    wonderful views.....

  12. Oh dear. Well, I'm glad that there wasn't an additional lesson on...well. You know.
    There are no hot springs in Florida. Every spring is about 70 degrees in the water or below.

  13. Hahaha
    Oh to be young and horny and near some hot springs!
    That poor young man will probably remember that one for a long, long time.
    Your bday seemed to be one to remember, too!


  14. Hilarious! And I can feel for the Young Couple because a long, long time ago... by a Lake, in the Desert... two passionate Young Lovers were getting it on when a group of Boy Scouts passed so close by we thought we'd Die! Thankfully, we must have blended in to the Landscape... since Nudes and Desert are kinda Monochromatic in Color... close call and I still remember it, all these Years later... so I'm sure Mr. Blue Balls and his Lady will too! *winks*


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