Bird droppings

I am going to be crazy as a loon if a certain bird in our neighborhood doesn't quit crapping on our car.
Let’s call him Fred.
Fred has been hanging out on our side view mirrors for the past several weeks.
And to help pass the time while he’s hanging out, Fred likes to poop.
A lot.
I almost think Fred loves to poop.
I think this is what happens when the early bird gets the worm.
Fred has taken to pooping on our car like a duck to water.
We have a waterfall of bird shit cascading down our car doors.
It’s such a beautiful sight.

Forget getting your car waxed to make it shine.
Bird poop really makes that paint pop.
It looks like someone melted 17,000 white crayons, filled up a pitcher, and poured it over the car.  
You would think a flock of seagulls had targeted our car with the amount of crap that has been plastered on our automobile.
I just assumed this because I heard birds of a feather flock together.
Is this a really bad version of Angry Birds?
Nope, it’s just Fred and his feathered fanny firing feces fanatically.
According to research, Fred is under the belief that his reflection is another male competing for his space. 
Rather than peck at the mirror, though, he tries to run off the intruder by regularly – and I guess regularly in the bird kingdom means every 3.2 seconds – marking his territory – and by marking they mean it looks like someone smashed open a bird poop piƱata on the side of our vehicle.  
According to more research, Fred’s behavior should stop when he has found a mate and nesting season begins.
And I will be as proud as a peacock when Fred is happy as a lark doing the no-pants dance with his lady friend.

This post was brought you today by bird idioms.
You're welcome.
And I'm sorry I don't have a picture of our car to share but we had snow and rain yesterday so all of Fred's hard work was washed away. But, once the storm passed, Fred was back ready to start taking care of business.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.


  1. I wonder if you can talk a hawk into dropping by and scare Fred away... Our local hawk will actually sit on the birdfeeders which doesn't seem to work to well for him.
    Bird brains. Tar doing well within Tar perimeters - he's kind of a bird brain too.

  2. It's no joke but I admit to smiling a little. I'll spend the weekend trying to think up a solution other than covering the car with a waterproof blanket. In the meantime, keep your cool, Matt.

  3. Well, as you've seen from my post, into every life a little bit of crap must fall. I appreciate your words at my new site. You've seen this from the beginning, but unfortunately you're also witnessing the end. I'm confident that things will get better, but it just may take a while.

  4. Make Fred a Tinder acct and find him a woman.

  5. I know a bird like to crap on things to attract his mate. Well what a way to get partner. I saw a blue bird (Male) looking at him self and decide to crap all over my car last year.
    Hopeful this year my Fred don't show up and fine some place to do his business.

    Coffee is o

  6. Holy moly, Mr. S. - that is an amazing amount of bird poop and not in a good way. I've never seen a vehicle so covered with it! It's hard on the paint, too.

    But with your bird idioms and copious alliteration, you certainly turned it to your (and our) advantage, as much as that's possible! I say to myself far too often "It sucks, but - blog post" ....

  7. Love this post! Just discovered your blog and am now following- from a safe distance of course, because of the birds.


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