Friday, October 02, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Butt of Jokes

  • You know it's going to be an interesting day when you are at the doctor's office, bent over an exam table with your shorts around your ankles and the doctor asks for a ruler. 
  • What the what? 
  • I thought I wrote about this but I think the incident predated my blog. I have a lipoma on my derriere. At the bottom of the butt crack. Not painting a good enough picture for you? Well here's a terrible artist rendering of the lipoma on my bottom:
  • I think I might have taken some liberties with the word artist. 
  • I also think that looks more like an aerial view of cleavage or a sideways 3 more than a butt. 
  • I call the lipoma "Fatty Arbuckle" because a lipoma is a fat deposit and Fatty Arbuckle sounded like an excellent name for my unwanted friend. 
  • The lipoma was removed about 10 years ago but it has come back with a vengeance, and that's why the doctor wanted the ruler because Fatty Arbuckle is a big boy. 
  • I was hoping I could live with Fatty Arbuckle but he has gotten to be so large that it's affecting stuff like my running as it's rubbing against my other cheek. I am not going to give you another terrible rendering so you will have to use your imagination on that one. 
  • Oh wow. I can feel all of the love as a lot of you are thinking about my butt. 
  • OK that is enough talk of my ass. 
  • Well that's all for this week, folks. Have a good weekend.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 


6 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

and i thought i was having medical
dramas... lol ;-)

Stephen Hayes said...

I had something like that removed from deeper inside. It was the most painful experience I've ever had. Thankfully, it never came back.

Jon said...

My wife had one on her back, that was removed several years ago. Sorry that yours came back, but at least the doctor didn't ask for a camera too.

kden said...

Who says you can't learn stuff on the internet. Sometimes more than what you want to learn but hey, I feel informed now :)

Valerie said...

The 'thing' probably came back 'cause it likes your butt. Perhaps a note saying No Admittance would help. Seriously, though, I send my condolences for the upset it caused you.

billy pilgrim said...

oh man, what a bummer. sorry, i just couldn't resist.