Friday, April 18, 2014

The Week That Was

Sunday - I never thought I would find a gym workout in the latest issue of the Food Network Magazine but then again I never thought I would pay good money in my lifetime to buy the latest issue of the Food Network magazine. Well, they had an article about Chef Robert Irvine and his arm workout. The dude is pretty buff and I enjoy one of his shows on the Food Network so I thought I would give it a shot.
Ouch.
Still feeling the effects of the arm workout on Friday.

Monday - I posted this on FB so some of you might have already seen it … sorry.
I'll take "Things I Didn't Need To See On Monday" for $600, Alex.

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Yep that's my tongue. Pretty gross, huh? Well that's what happens when I drink barley. Still haven't had a beer since Feb. 24 but had some whiskey recently that I thought was safe but it turns out it was distilled from barley. Good times. Well on the bright side, I think this excludes me from membership in the Miley Cyrus fan club. Or that I'm in my 40s. I think either one works.

Tuesday - There are pros and cons to being a freelancer/independent contractor, but today is one of the biggest negatives, April 15 or tax day. Spend it wisely, Uncle Sammy.

Wednesday - This one falls into "And you thought you had heard it all" category: Man severs penis, jumps off building, survives. So it appears that both Johnsons are recovering. And thanks to Just Bob for the inspiration on how this can be DirecTV's newest commercial:
When your cable goes out you get stressed.
When you get stressed you need to get away.
When you need to get away you climb a building.
When you climb a building the increased altitude impairs your judgement.
When you have impaired judgement you sever your own penis.
When you sever your own penis you realize you are a moron so you jump off a building to try to kill yourself.
Don't sever your own penis and jump off a building.
Get rid of cable and upgrade to DirecTV.

Thursday - After 8 days of feeling like hot garbage, I broke down and went to the doctor to get some modern-day medicine to feel better. Turns out I have a pretty awesome sinus infection and will be on antibiotics for 10 days. Of course the biggest side effect of the meds is diarrhea. Awesome. I just wish they would just be really truthful and let you know that "I just sharted" will be part of your vocabulary for the next week or so.

Friday - I'm ready for the McWeekend.


Have a good one!!






Thanks for stopping by.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

19 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt. And some decent probiotics.
Drink vodka. Did I already tell you this? It bears repeating. A McVodka of your choice.

Ms. Moon said...

It just occurred to me that I recommended yogurt, probiotics AND vodka.
Yes. This is what I am like. This is how I am.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

That tongue looks gross. In a related matter, I wrote a story about herpes today for my blog.

Have an ice cold vodka soda for me, homey.

Valerie said...

Definitely yogurt. You can't beat the probiotics.

Crikey, I didn't know barley could do that to a tongue. Wicked stuff like that should be banned everywhere. But hey, think of the consequences for most... no whiskey for evermore would be a salutary thought.

Hope you recover soon.

Jon said...

After reading the comments, I feel that I too should be recommending yogurt. Hope it gets better for you. Besides, a new RCPM album coming out soon can ease some of that, right?

kden said...

It sounds like you don't need any more suggestions to eat yogurt so I'm just going to say that if DirecTV used your commercial, I would order it!

billy pilgrim said...

diarrhea- nature's way of cleaning out your pipes.

so you got that going for you too.

have an excellent weekend and don't forget to leave a treat for the easter turtle.

Phats said...

Hope you stocked up on Toilet Paper :)

We have DirectTV where I work and it goes out every time it rains it's a pain, that said if our cable goes out I will at least stay away from buildings thanks for the advice :)

Saw the tongue on facebook

texlahoma said...

Sounds like there's going to be a turf war in your stomach between the probiotics and the antibiotics.
I guess you'd have to call it a "Rumble".

silly rabbit said...

Actually, I think your tongue has a nice albeit weird velvety design. We call that whole diarrhea/antibiotic thing the fearful shuffles.
I have decided to be different and not recommend yogurt. Eat what you think won't shoot right out!

Mr. Shife said...

Yogurt? Check.
Probiotics? Check.
Vodka? Check.
Thanks Ms. Moon, and I like how you are.

Mr. Shife said...

Enjoyed the herpes story, Dr. Ken. Thanks for stopping by and I will toast to you when the Bulls win tonight.

Mr. Shife said...

Thanks Val. I'm thinking about getting the skin allergy test done because I just feel there has to be something else setting off my tongue like that.

Mr. Shife said...

I had no idea about the new RCPM album, Jon. Thanks for the update. Going to have to check that out.

Mr. Shife said...

I think it would make an excellent DirecTV commercial. Plus they owe me anyway as they used my last name in one of their commercials, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEa_zFTyN8E
They pronounced it wrong though. It's spelled Shifely but said Shifely. Does that make sense?

Mr. Shife said...

You are spot on as usual, BP. And we hooked up the Easter turtle as requested.

Mr. Shife said...

Thanks Phats. Fortunately for me and our TP supply, there were no side effects with the meds.

Mr. Shife said...

Nice one, texlahoma. Fortunately there were no side effects from the meds. Must of been all of the yogurt I was eating.

Mr. Shife said...

Thanks for the advice and chuckle, silly rabbit.