You get a whole bunch of "It is not you, it is me" or "I don't think it is a good fit" or "Thanks but no thanks" kind of replies that really sends your self-esteem soaring.
And today's sarcastic word of the day is soaring.
I was expecting it and prepared for it but it still stings a little getting shot down multiple times in a week.
The last time I was turned down this much I was using horrible pick-up lines on the ladies like "I wet my pants ... can I get in yours?" at my fraternity.
Maybe I should take a Viagra before I send off my next round of letters? Those guys on erectile dysfunction commercials always seem to be exuding lots of confidence after popping the little, blue pill.
You know the commercials, right? A couple is doing dishes or watching TV or riding a bike then the next thing you know the man is a virile tiger who puts a smile on the face of his now beaming partner because all the blood in his head has now rushed to his penis and then the porno groove starts playing ... bow chika wa wa.
My all-time favorite has to be the middle-aged guy who is just about to mow his lawn then he sees a football in his backyard shed. He tries to throw the football through a tire. Of course the tire is hanging from a big, giant erect tree sprouting up to the sky.
What does this symbolism mean oh clever advertising gods?
The throw is no good. Wide left or maybe wide right. Doesn't matter. He just misses. The voice over suggests that you should ask your doctor about an erectile dysfunction pill like Viagra. The name of the erectile dysfunction product appears on the TV screen next to a silhouette of a burning flame, and you hear the sound of a match being struck.
More subtleness from those wily marketing gurus.
The suddenly reinvigorated man throws the ball straight through the tire, again and again. A smiling woman joins him in the yard. They nuzzle.
Then he gets a book deal. =)
Oh wait that is not what happens.
I have no idea how I got on the subject of boner pills after starting this post but there is no turning back now. I hope you are still with me.
So yes I have struck out a lot in regards to my plea to literary agents to give me a chance.
But it just takes one.
Maybe there is a middle-aged literary agent out there who has suddenly become reinvigorated and is throwing a ball straight through a tire again and again. A smiling woman joins him in the yard. They nuzzle. Then he has sex and totally forgets to check his email so he doesn't see my query letter and then he is rushed to the emergency room because he is one of those guys that has an erection for 4 hours.
After his recovery, he has an epiphany and remembers how awesome sex is so he wants to have a lot more of it. He quits his job, sells everything and goes forth into the world, popping little blue pills, visiting lady friends, and finally dying of a sexually transmitted disease. And he never reads my query letter.
Wow this post just got really weird.
Shife needs to get his groove back and evidently writing about getting rejected is not helping.
Actually I am fine.
Writing about it does help and I know I have better odds of becoming a huge fan of Justin Bieber's music than getting an agent.
But I am taking a shot.
One way or another this book is getting published because I want to do it dammit.
Like I have said at the end of my blog posts since October 22, 2011, I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.
Thanks for reading.