Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Mr. Shife's March Madness - Day 26

I know there are only 24 hours in every single day.
Today makes me question if that is true.
Maybe it was because I was up at a time that don't think it is a great time to have both eyes wide open.
5:00 am.
It is partly my fault since I fell asleep at midnight.
You know I had to catch up on "Teen Mom 2."
Will someone tell me why I watch "Teen Mom?"
Because you're an idiot.
Oh yeah, that's it.
And that was a reference to the movie "Heathers."
Back to my story.
It is 5:00 am.
Kyle started making loud noises like he was in pain.
I went in to see if he was OK.
He then turned over and greeted me with a big, giant "RRRRAAAALLLLPPPPHHHH" as he started spewing everywhere.
Nothing says top of the morning to you like getting blasted with projectile vomiting.
I leaned him over the edge of his bed - thank the fat bassets he was on his bottom bunk - and just let him blow chunks all over the floor.
I honestly think it would have been like the barf-o-rama scene from "Stand By Me" if he was on the top bunk.
The smell and the sound of it splattering all over the floor after falling nearly six feet would have certainly tested my gag reflex.
After a few minutes, he was done and I cleaned him up.
I was hoping he would be OK and go back to sleep but he was up and calling Ralph again at 6.
I brought him into the bedroom and let him watch cartoons with his new best friend, the bucket.
Eventually the spewing subsided and was replaced by its faithful companion, diarrhea.
Puking and Diarrhea.
One of my favorite combinations in history.
It ranks right up there with Jagermeister and Bad Decisions.
The little man has been through 3 sweatpants, 3 undies, and 2 shirts.
Daddy is on his fifth sixth cup of caffeine.
It is not quite noon yet.
Good times.
And of course Little Miss Hayden wanted to make sure I had a full load of laundry going so she got nice and messy at breakfast.



Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you tomorrow.



P.S. Kyle just had another attack of the Hershey squirts. Some streak marks in his undies. I went to smell his sweats to see if they were OK or if they needed to go into the laundry pile. I don't know why I decided a sniff test was a good idea. He was wearing dark grey sweats and the only light in the bathroom was from the sun so visibility was not that great. Well there was a wet spot on his sweats and I discovered it with my nose. Even more good times.





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

6 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Ah! The incredible glamour of parenthood!

Red said...

You win the Mr. Mom award. You totally earned it today.

texlahoma said...

Sorry dude, that's rough. Reminds me of the time...never mind you've got more important things to do right now, good luck.

Jay Noel said...

Oh man, that's the worst.

I remember when my wife, and all my kids had it at the same exact time. I never got sick. Me and the wet dry vac became best friends for three days.

Valerie said...

The text books don't prepare you for these things... grins. I hope Kyle is over the mass outbreak from both ends. Keep smiling, Matt.

kden said...

It't not nice to laugh at someone else's misfortune but after 'being there done that', I feel your pain while laughing at the same time. I hope things are better today.