Friday, June 08, 2012

You Can't Unring That Bell

Don't you wish life had an undo button like the control Z function on your computer? There are just some things you can't unsee or unhear that will leave scars that not even time or 27 Jagermeister shots can help erase. So this tale begins many years ago when a technology-challenged and older relative asked for my help setting up their email account. I was glad to help, and help I did. Fast forward a few weeks and they ask for my help again because they are having trouble adding attachments or sending the right checking account information to a Nigerian prince. It was one thing or another but I had to get into their account to see what was going on and causing the problems. Their inbox was full of the normal stuff. Emails from friends, some silly spams, business correspondences, and then there was the email that froze time, made me throw up a little bit in my mouth, and made atheists believe in God. Yes it was quite a powerful email. And yes my descriptions might be a little harsh but this is one of those things that you don't want to know and you definitely don't want the mental image. I also need to let you know that this older relative had just started dating a new lady friend. Did the light bulb go off? Actually now that I re-read those last few sentences, you might have a few different light bulbs going off. So what did I see? An email that a free trial of a Extenze will be arriving shortly. Yes that Extenze. The one that is supposed to make your wiener a little bigger all naturally. Awesome. Doesn't that paint a pretty picture? Exactly what I was missing from my day. Confirmation that my relative is popping pills to supplement his sausage. Boy did I need a drink after that. Unfortunately, when I went to grab a beer from the fridge, the horror show continued as I discovered all we had were longnecks.







I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.


13 comments:

Valerie said...

My mind was in a whirl as the imagination ran riot... Wow! Was the elderly relative enjoying life? Hope you have a great weekend after all that...grins.

Wendy said...

I have to say I was a little bit relieved because I thought you were gonna say naked pictures of his new girlfriend.

I probably shouldn't have added that. Sorry. :)

kden said...

I guess I was expecting worse too, but still it would be hard to face the same relative after knowing his secret.

billy pilgrim said...

yes, the internet is grand. i find pro rasslin sites and torrent sites are excellent source for getting dates with very buxom women.

time watch some euro soccer!

just bob said...

Ballpark Franks plump when you cook them.

Jon said...

Yeah, that's why I try not to help family with anything like that. Not that I'm worried, I just would never want to know. Ever.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh honey. It's like the day that my 85-year old mother started discussing her vibrator.
Things we really wish we did not know...

silly rabbit said...

Ha! I guess we have all had those moments. You're right... there is not enough Jagemeister to make it go away.

Jay Noel said...

Ew. That would be a disturbing find. Although not a cause for alarm (like kiddie porn or correspondence to radical political groups). But a little yucky nevertheless.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Did you ask him if it worked because I'm really curious. It's for a friend, not me. It's a friend, I swear.

Megan said...

I had another comment but now...I'm just hoping that I get to 85. Vibrator or not.

Radioactive Tori said...

Sometimes it would be awesome to unknow things, I agree!

Red said...

I think you and I just had a 'Freaky Friday'. I was running through my mom's email account a few days ago to delete some contact information and emails (my Dad wants her to stop bugging him with her forwards and crap since it's been 28 years of blissful divorce so I acquiesced.) I read things that I cannot unread. I don't drink so I don't know how to get the nightmare out of my brain. I have a fantastic memory so even a night of Jager bombs would just leave me with horrible mental pictures and a hangover. You're lucky. Sorry about the longnecks though ::ew::