Help Save Lives

I don't know if this post needs some kind of warning or if everyone who visits has come to realize that you are never surprised at what you find on my blog. Anyway, if the visions that start to appear in your head are too graphic while reading, please use our safety word. The safety word today is cinnamon.
Well here it goes.

I like to think that I look at the world differently than a lot of people. Maybe the following thought process will illustrate that or it just might show me that I am not necessarily all that ground breaking in my musings or it might just show that some thoughts should be kept to myself.

So for the last week or so, we have received at least one call a day from an outfit that shows up on the Caller ID as "Help Save Lives." I am sure it is a reputable company doing outstanding work for people who truly need help hence the Caller ID name "Help Save Lives." Unfortunately, yours truly takes a different route. I don't know if it is because I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue but I like to imagine that it is a sperm bank calling because they received word about how I enjoy my own company if you know what I mean. They are concerned that millions and millions of potential lives are being flushed down the toilet, and that I am not doing enough to "Help Save Lives." 
If they did decided to leave me a message on the answering machine, I am sure it would go something like this: "Hello, Mr. Shife, this is Beth from the Squeeze-n-Freeze Sperm Bank. Please stop enjoying your own company at home and come donate at one of our state-of-the-art ejaculation stations. For a small inconvenience you can make an enormous difference, and give the gift of life. Please call us today at 1-800-GO-SPERM."

After writing this, I am reminded of this sperm donation joke.
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
About a week later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: "Unh unh," she replies, her mouth tightly closed.

I can't wait to see what kind of spam I get this week.
Take care, and I hope you have a wonderful Fourth of July.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.


  1. Sounds like someone needs intervention. "1-800-HAN-ZOFF".

  2. No, no, no... we're overpopulated as it is...grins. Loved the cartoon... too funny.

  3. What is the going rate these days? I feel I might be missing out on a small fortune!

  4. You men are so cute.
    Enjoy your Fourth!

  5. I'm thinking its a good thing that sperm doesn't scream when deposited in a less warm and moist environment.

    I hope your fireworks are thrilling this fourth! Enjoy.

  6. It's your affinity for off thinking that keeps me coming back ;-)

  7. $25?

    I could have been a millionaire before I graduated from high school!

  8. I laughed aloud.

    Squeeze-n-Freeze would be an attention getter for sure.

  9. I've already retold that one a few times.I'll refrain from incriminating myself with any additional commentary (I was going to say "keep my hands clean on this one", but it seemed a poor choice of words). Sorry for the late comment; had to wipe my computer and start all over again.


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