Friday, December 03, 2010

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Happy Thanksgiving. Oh wait that was last week. I need a time machine. For the love of fat bassets I really need to get it together. Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna go make a little macaroni and cheese, seal the windows, and turn on the gas. Well I hope you had a lovely holiday and all of your turkey day wishes came true.
  • Nothing like feeding my son a hot dog 2 weeks past its expiration date and then having him barf it all up in the middle of Target to make me feel like I am doing an outstanding job as a parent. I don't think Kyle will be getting me that World's Greatest Dad mug anytime soon.
  • Never underestimate the importance of grammar. Thanks to Yellow Dog Granny for bringing this to my attention. Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
  • Joke of the day: Every day, a male co-worker would walk up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhale a big breath of air and tell her that her hair smells nice.
    After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
    The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
    The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget."
  • I shared this on Facebook but some of you don't do Facebook or don't do me on Facebook.
    I don't know what the normal addiction rate is but Kyle held out for 20 months before he succumbed to the powers of Elmo mania. The little man is a full-blown junkie and I am his dealer.
  • Saw this headline on the Discovery News, Teenage Great White Sharks Have Weak Bite. Definitely one of those things where I will take their word on it.
Here is the Shifley crew at this year's Thanksgiving. We hadn't eaten yet so that is why our pants still fit.

13 comments:

Leah said...

Hey you, Elmo Pusher-man!

I like that joke, but then, I'm easy.

: D

Valerie said...

'Never underestimate the importance of grammar'

Hahaha Never thought about it before but I shall be extra careful in future.

Loved the happy picture of the Shifley crew. Tank looks as if he's settled in okay. Kyle, of course, looks as cute as ever.

Jon said...

Yes, even my little guy has fallen victim to Elmo. But it's worse, as somehow I'm able to mimic Elmo's voice, which Colin gets a kick out of. If you're a pusher, I think mine might be the equivalent of having a meth lab in the house.

Travis Erwin said...

Keith the Midget is my hero.

billy pilgrim said...

baby shife looks happy and tankster looks dignified.

all is right with the universe.

Ananda girl said...

A midget! LOL

You sure look like a happy family.

Here's a heads up... my daughter ate poinsettea leaves at about that age. They won't kill a kid, but they can give them the runs or pukes. And they would be bad for Tank too.

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

you make me sooo laugh! love the picture! Little Man and Fat Bassett have grown a bunch since I first started stalking you!

radioactive girl said...

What a great picture! You are such a beautiful family!

Red said...

That's why one should always leave the house wearing clean underthings. You never know who is going to be impressed. (Buh.)
And grammar...so many things have been misconstrued in the name of bad grammar. So funny and so embarrassing. Makes it sound like you were competing with Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.

Bethany said...

thanks for the laugh(s).
aw, you guys are so cute.
i'm partial to the dog.
but that babies smile has me swooning.

Bethany said...

can't believe I failed grammatically in this post!
well at least I know it could be much worse thanks to you and Jack.

meant: baby's!
Argh!

KnitTech said...

Be greatful it's Elmo, for us it was Barney.

Crystal Posey said...

Hilarious! I love this post.