Monday, April 19, 2010

Countdown to 40 - Day 20

Sweet sassy molassey I can almost taste the denture cream. We are getting close. Below is a list I ran before on this blog a long time ago (and I changed the title from 50 to 40) so forgive me for running it again but I thought the list was pretty appropriate as I can get closer to the day of my birth, which is documented on Wikipedia. And I edited the page to add a certain someone's birthday but you might want to hurry because I don't think it will be up very long. (Update: After 2 attempts to keep it on there I got in a little bit of trouble with their moderators. Mrs. Shife saved a screen shot which hopefully I can share later.)

16 things that it took me almost 40 years to learn
by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine ... They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

See you tomorrow.

7 comments:

Ananda girl said...

Great list. This is the first time I've seen it. Naturally my favorite is number 16 for the giggle factor and I am thankful that I have never made the number 1 mistake. But what a mental picture!

I'd like to add... never lift a baby above you who has just finished nursing and open your mouth.

Mr. Shife said...

I definitely learned your tip after Baby Shife came along so that is another one learned before 40. It should be on the list for sure.

Ms. Moon said...

God, I miss Dave Barry's column. That was great and I can't disagree with any of it.

texlahoma said...

#13 is very true.
I got to Wikipedia too late.

Valerie said...

16 had me giggling but they were all good ... and true. You must have been booted off Wikipedia before I got there.
Thanks for the giggle on my blog. Must dash, have to leave a note for the milkman! See you tomorrow.

Megan said...

I'm a very good driver.

Crystal said...

Love the pregnant comment and especially love the waiter one, it's so true. My mom got me everything I needed/wanted my senior year by waitressing.