What Brought You Here Today? - The 2010 Version

They might go down in history as one of the greatest combinations ever. Like frank and beans. Jamba Juice and ice cold diarrhea. Herpes and irreversible guilt. Tiger Woods and golf, errr, sex, errr, sex rehab. Pants and the ground. French and ticklers. Lady Gaga and transvestite jokes. And WTF keywords and my blog. These special little words that people type in their search engines and that leads them to my little Internet hacienda.
Well since I had so much fun doing it last year I thought I would revisit my web stats to see what words were bringing folks to my blog.
So here we go again ...

Some of you have me bookmarked and just like to stop by and say hello (or Merhaba for my Turkish blogging friends) because you think I am a pretty cool dude.
So hey you, how's it going? I hope you are a having a super day. And I am doing great - thanks for asking.
However, not all of my visitors find this dumb, white guy so easily. They actually Google certain words and my blog appears before them like magic. {Cue "The Final Countdown"}
Some of the keywords people use to find themselves in this part of the cyberspace is quite unusual. And I might be mistyping disturbing when I say unusual.
Personally I sleep better at night knowing that if someone is searching for the top 10 most inappropriate boners or gay swamp butt they are going to find me. But then again I might just be sleeping great at night since the blue devil rode into my life. It is amazing what 47 ounces of Nyquil (or Nyquil for my Turkish blogging friends) will do to you. {Alright enough with "The Final Countdown"}
It is also nice to know that through my humanitarian blogging efforts I can supply people with the information they are desperately craving. I might be getting a little ahead of myself here but can you smell what Mr. Shife is cooking? That is right. Hello Nobel Prize. (2010 update: Still no Nobel Prize)
Below is a list of the recent keyword activity for this blog ranked in order of their popularity, and you definitely notice a trend on some of the topics I write about.

1. inappropriate boners
2. most outrageous facebook status
3. flammable
4. dumb monologues
5. wonderbread challenge
6. pics of janet jackson butt
7. janet jackson super bowl
8. outrageous facebook statuses
9. gay swamp butt
10. nick carter eye fuck
11. david hasselhoff puppies
12. i'm getting too old for this wav file murtaugh
13. inappropriate boner pitchers
14. dumb facebook status
15. wonder bread challenge
16. dog sledding who is the hoff
17. i'd like to say i never thought it would end this way but i always knew i would be falling to the earth dressed as abe lincoln holding a purple dildo
18. free falling to my death holding a giant purple dildo
19. inappropriate erections
20. hasselhoff puppies
21. dumb white guy
22. always pads
23. stripes they call me francis
24. wearing sisters thong stories
25. peter heater
26. inappropriate erections cure
27. janet jackson superbowl
28. book of eli soundtrack
29. journal highlight hair
30. toodler penis problems
31. thong confessions
32. outrageous facebook status
33. furry eriction writing
34. inappropriateboners.com
35. the murtaugh list
36. captain random furry
37. freddy krueger
38. dr toysr @yahoo.com –
39. toys r us
40. dumb facebook statuses
41. freddy cougar tattoos
42. dumbwhiteguy.blogspot
43. boners in thongs
44. how to get white guys out of your room
45. fredy couger tattoos
46. peter heater knitting
47. dave chappell as rick james
48. facebook status dumb status
49. mexican anecdote
50. anti dr phil
51. dogs are forever in the push up position what does this mean

Just like Derek Zoolander who is famous for a series of poses which are devastating, and have evocative names such as "Blue Steel", "Le Tigre," and "Ferrari," Baby Shife has been working on his poses. We like to call this one "The Bunga."

And for Random Chick, who asked me to do this: Then put on your blog the product, who makes it (follow the trail of who owns which companies), and the ingredients (find out what those things are that are in your product that you can't pronounce). Find out who REALLY makes the product, and what the ingredients are REALLY. You might be surprised. Then pick five other bloggers who will do the same thing.

Product: Kraft Sun Dried Tomato Vinaigrette
Manufacturer: Kraft Foods-> Revenue $41 BILLION (2008 figures)
Ingredients: Water, Vegetable Oils (Canola Oil and/or Soybean Oil and Olive Oil), Vinegar, Sugar, Sun Dried Tomatoes, Salt, Contains less than 2% of Italian Style Cheese (Part-skim Milk, Cheese Culture, Sale, Enzymes), Garlic, Spice, Dried Garlic, Xanthan Gum, Dried Red Bell Peppers, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Dried Onions, With Potassium Sorbate and Calcium Disodium Edta As Preservatives, Oleoresin Paprika, Sulfiting Agents.


  1. What brought me here was your comment on my blog about checking for updates, that and I am procrastinating on doing a cryptococcal antigen on a patient specimen. Plus, the longer I hide in my little coat closet, the more alone time I get here at work. But believe me, I would much rather be watching porn. I haven't had a chance to place a new post yet this week, but I should Thurs or Friday. My hubby won't be home those nights(he's working :() so we won't be practicing our sex moves for our home video those nights. LOL

  2. Cue Jan Brady whineI wanna know keyword activity for my blog too so spill! As for the product? Hmmm...

  3. That. Is. Hilarious.

    And we already know how I got here.... thank you Travis.

  4. Now I have to go figure out why my name is "About."

  5. Anonymous1/27/2010

    what brought me here? "inappropriate erections". No not really, I have you blog bookmarked, but "inappropriate erections" is a real issue that Americans must tackle and take seriously!

  6. Well hey there Cece. Maybe a little too much information but it is all good. Looking forward to your new post. Have a good one.

    Red - I will get you the information shortly so you can get all of your keyword awesomeness.

    About - Inquiring minds do want to know why you are going by About?

    Blamemyrobot - Totally agree about inappropriate erections. It is a plague on society and needs to be addressed immediately. Maybe Obama will discuss it during his State of the Union tonight.

  7. Testing, testing.... Is my name working yet?

  8. It looks like you are back in the game Crystal.

  9. too funny dude..lol..well if it makes yer crop grow..keep at it!...grinz*

  10. Would it be weird to mention that I've actually had a dream where I plummeted to my death holding a giant purple dildo?



  11. Woman - If it isn't broke then why fix it.

    Jenni - I think it would be weirder if you didn't have a dream involving a giant purple dildo. I mean that is as American as hot dogs and apple pie.

  12. good thing you're not in china, those keywords look subversive to me.

  13. I am always amazed by the keyword activity on my stats. Yours are pretty funny. Mine are bizarre at times too.

  14. Dumb white guy looks for dumb white guy's website. That's how I got here today.

    Word Verification "Poody" Now that should be a word.
    Poody - Adj Meaning to have an ample and attractive rear end.

    Cindy isn't especially cute but man, is she poody!

  15. Anonymous1/27/2010

    I came here because you told me to...I'm a lemming, remember?

    The keywords that get me are: "nick carter eye fuck"


    Thanks for checking where your processed sun dried tomato dressing like stuff came from!!!

  16. I searched Gay Swamp Butt at the top of your blog and only got your current post, so those looking for it might not find what they're looking for, whatever the hell Gay Swamp Butt is.

  17. If I recall this correctly, it was you that found me, and it was the Peacemakers that brought us together (as creepy as all of that sounds).
    However, I regret to mention that you have now slipped to fifth on Google's results for "Ambushed Paddington".
    Even at three months, Colin is starting to give us a few signature looks. It's fun to see it happening.

  18. Mid-afternoon questions and thought provoking stuff is a bit much for a midweek blogger of very little brain. No, I don't understand that either! I like Kraft Sun Dried Tomato Vinaigrette, though, even though Kraft is currently a sort of dirty word where I come from. Where did I come from? Or rather how did I get here? Hmmm I have to pass on that one too. My key words for finding you has to be cutie baby Shife on two counts ... (1) he's adorable, (2) he's adorable x 2. Byeeeeeeeeee orf to the madhouse!

  19. My keyword activity is totally lame by comparison to this!!! My fave has to be "furry eriction writing." It doesn't get better, or more obscure, than that.

  20. I was joking about the moves and the video. The rest was all true.

  21. I am surprised that there weren't more Hoff key words that brought people to your post.

  22. Haha nice. I should check out my stats again. I did that one time and got "hippo fuck." Not sure how that happens, as I'm pretty sure I didn't pair the two words (I think?) Ha, but perhaps now you have it since I have commented (uh huh).


  23. Have a super weekend..it's absolutley freezing in (NOT Global warming) NYC!..lol :)

  24. I hate to admit my ignorance, but how do you find this out? The key words I mean.
    BTW in my earlier comment I used "Cindy" as a generic name, started thinking - I hope that's not his wife's name, that could be construed as inappropriate and insulting. Real good way to make friends.

  25. Hey there...

    Been gone for a bit...but back and your posts have gotton even more hysterical...great job! Oh and I got that book Gilead...haven't started to read it yet though...and how can I find the keywords that lead people to my blog?

  26. So where the hell is the picture of Janet Jacksons butt? ha! I liked when you did this before and I smiled reading it again thanks Shife.

    Cute new pic of the baby as well

  27. First off... and always, thanks for the photo hit of Baby Shife. (He keeps me coming back!)

    I didn't get here via a keyword. I'm afraid I stalked you here from anubis, anubis, anubis, where you left a comment that made it clear you needed investigation.


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