Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Where the heck did Summer go? It just flew by. I am not looking forward to the upcoming months. Fall can suck it. I have a restraining order against Winter but she always breaks it, and I think she owes me child support. And I can barely tolerate Spring because I am longing for Summer.
  • From the Rookie Dad journals ... I am not sure if this was a coincidence but it sure seemed like it. Well I was feeding Baby Shife and things were going well. He had a nice rhythm going and was just about done when his Dad - that's me - farted something fierce. It was bad. The fat basset howled, the neighborhood cat went blind, squirrels threw nuts at our house, the postman only rang once, and gay men quit buying Barbra Streisand albums (Do gay men still like Streisand?). It was that bad. Anyway I am trying not to gag myself when the little man starts to cough and choke and I have to pull the bottle out so he can breathe but he starts coughing and choking more because he just got big taste of Dad's ass sandwich. Poor kid almost starting bawling right on the spot. Eventually the brown fog lifted and all was right in the Shifley household. Except for the underwear I was wearing. I had to burn those banana hammocks.
  • Some of you are also on Facebook so you already seen these pictures but I have to share with the rest of you who have not caught the Facebook Flu. So this is a picture of the fat basset drinking out of the bucket I was icing my foot in after I sprained my ankle playing softball. I don't know if the "heeling" powers of Captain Furry Pants helped speed up the recovery but I like to think it was his way of helping make me feel better.

  • Next up is a photo of Baby Shifley with his first trophy. This past weekend we had great weather so Baby Shifley and Mrs. Shife got to come out for all of my team's softball games, and they must have been good luck because we went 5-0 and want the tournament. Here is a picture of my little man with the trophy.

  • And here is the latest and greatest toy for my little bundle of joy. His little jumper and he is already going crazy on it. Hopefully you will not be able to see my porn collection in the background.

  • That's all for this week folks. See you in 7 days, and have a good one. And remember what McGruff said, "Take a bite out of crime."

20 comments:

Travis Erwin said...

I'm actually having a torrid affair with Lady Fall and soon as she drops her leaves you will indeed see my sap rising.

I love the upcoming season.

Cece said...

With heat indexes hovering around 100 and humidity at 95%, Fall sounds pretty inciting here. And Winter sounds like Heaven.

Red said...

Sorry Shife. I'm all about some Fall. Especially down here in the deep south. I get maybe two weeks of balmy bliss and I love every minute of it. Props for "the postman only rang once". And please don't gas out the little man like that again!

Ananda girl said...

No one gets to enjoy life when I am overheated. So I am looking forward to fall. I like everything about it.
Especially the way it smells when the wood stoves get going. Sigh.

I love the contraption you've got Baby Shife in. Look at all those great toys! Must be fun to watch him play.

Well, I blew up the photo but I still can't make out your porn titles... I keep getting distracted by how cute Baby Shife is and those big blue eyes!

Please give Quincy a pat for me.

tina said...

Well, Shife 2.0 had to learn about the funks within at some point and who better to share, than Dad ;)

Don't see the porn, but Road House, now that was a movie (chuckle) I have always had a crush on the Swayze. It's kind of like your love for the Hoff. :)

Ms. Moon said...

Cute baby. What else can I say?

Megan said...

Shifely the Younger is certainly giving us some great expressions lately!

And I'm with you - summer is BEST. If it only had football, it would be perfect...

The Egg said...

Funny I was just complaining to my friends about how the summer just flew by! Blah! Great post about your fart hehehe

tagskie said...

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Valerie said...

Baby Shife is growing up and just as handsome. Hmm, a once weekly fix makes me fearful in case I miss it. Added bonus as well this time .. I wonder how many bloggers get the opportunity to try and read porn titles. And how many, like me, don't succeed ... grins

angel, jr. said...

My brother's son had one of those little jumper toys (he's three now). But he loved it! Kept him busy for hours.

Jon said...

Yes, gay men still buy Streisand albums. At least that's what "In and Out" taught me. ("She was too OLD for 'Yentl'")

Limon Partido said...

Shife... I laughed out loud and feel sorry for baby shife... the porn collection was still hard to make out in the background photos and I have to say, Fall is kinda my favorite season....and baby shife...well, he is just handsome..poor guy has to put up with his dad's ass sandwiches...

TOPolk said...

That story of you choking your own son via toxic emissions had me rolling. Poor kid.

And you own Shaun of the Dead AND the 2nd season of Chappelle's Show? You're a man of good taste.

texlahoma said...

Fall is the best season way down here in Oklahoma.
Baby Shife looks like he's not sure what the softball trophy is but he senses greatness.

Crystal Posey said...

I hate that the school systems are pushing summer out the door. The teen started back a week ago which meant I had to start home schooling back. I missed my deadline for the home school tuition and had to pay a ridiculous late fee. Seriously I feel like we've only had two weeks of summer. That being said, I actually do prefer spring/fall to summer/winter. But still...

Brown fog -- Gross
Banana Hammocks -- No Comment

That alien looking contraption you've set your child in looks like it's going to eat him! We used the jumperoo. Even though I had reservations about anything given such a ridiculous name my kids went nuts over it: http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000A9XYV.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Hope your internet-less weekend is wonderful.

Phats said...

I don't mind fall because it means football and I like the temps, but I hate winter too and I am with you she owes me money!

The fart story is hilarious I was literally laughing out loud.

Congrats on the trophy that's awesome man

The Phoenix said...

I'm personally a big fan of Fall - because it means Halloween is just around the corner.

Your fart epic is classic...absolute classic.

Suzanne said...

You bet your ass I clicked and enlarged. No, I didn't see anything. It's all just a blur.

My ankle can kick your ass. No really. Ask anyone here. Yup, you better get your fancy ass over there prissy boy and bow to the Queen of Ankle Injuries. Now get out of my way, I have a wee Shife to hug and kiss. God that kid's beautiful!!! Can't believe he came from your loins. Or is that your wife's loins. I can never figure this shit out. *Suze walks away with Travis' fish trying to breath some life into that dear sweet soul.* No, not Travis, the fish. *Rolls eyes in head.*

Suzanne said...

Oh, and with Wee-One's buttons up to his neck, I see him at Harvard.