Tuesday, August 11, 2009

An epic battle

Bigger than Ninjas vs. Pirates. Coke vs. Pepsi. Top vs. Bottom.
More important than health care reform (probably not, but just work with me here).

My blogging buddies what you are about to read is the next great debate that will eventually take the world by storm: Should I wear a bear t-shirt or a wolf t-shirt?
I was strictly a wolf t-shirt man but a humble and wise man from parts unknown made me see the light and realize how wrong I have been about bear shirts.

I used to be a wolf shirt guy, until I discovered bear shirts. Bear shirts are much more mystically powered and attract an even more powerful woman. Even a woman wearing a bear shirt can attract a more powerful woman. A man wearing a bear shirt (bear-shirt-man) is held in such high esteem that most in the area are too intimidated to approach or even look at bear-shirt-man. Most of the time, they try to pretend bear-shirt-man isn't even in the room. That pays dividends when bear-shirt-man has attracted a particularly good wants-to-be-with-bear-shirt-man-woman. These women can usually be described in excess of 5 feet, 10 inches, a good quality weight that won't be pushed around in a tornado, a generally attractive fe-mullet hair style, saddle-baggish thighs, ability to slam crush beer cans with their hands, and the capacity to spit non-menthol snuff at least 10 feet. These hot mamas have been known to spend their time working as repo trucks drivers or lumber jills. The benefits of bear shirt are neverending. For example, when you wear your bear shirt to the diner you can count on getting the best table by the kitchen where your food will be hotter when it gets to your table than the poor wolf-shirt-men who has to sit up by the bar where the skanky ladies hover. At the oil change place, bear-shirt-man doesn't even get asked if he wants to change his 'air filter' or 'johnson rod'. Oil-change-place guy knows that bear-shirt-guy knows what the hell he's doing and won't fall for some eco-scam about oil recycling. Bear shirts rule. I once saw a bear shirt eat a wolf shirt.

There you have it folks. Simple math, Bear Shirt > Wolf Shirt.
Are you convinced? Are you a wolf shirt or a bear shirt?

And I didn't forget your weekly fix of Baby Shife. Here you go:

28 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

I think the Bear shirt would make the cute baby cry.

Leah said...

I can't help it...I'm a Wolf Shirt. Does that make me so girly?

Hi Baby Shife!

Kori said...

I am a no-slogan-or-animal-shirt-kind of girl myself. just sayin.'

Crystal Posey said...

LOL....

Seriously though, I need proof that you would wear either of those shirts. Picture of you, in public, in one of those shirts. Warning: I might be forced to point and laugh.


;)

Crystal Posey said...

It's sad that I know what day of the week it is by when you post.

LOL

tina said...

HAHAHAHA You must be hangin 'round these parts down here, Shife. I'd say the bear wins this one, paws down.

Ananda girl said...

I think you should put Baby Shife on the shirt and have the cutest animal ever... I guarantee it will attract far more women. Of course some will be sweet grannie types like Ananda girl. (Like you guy that!) Okay... it will attract even old bats like Ananda girl. There. Sheesh!

But on the bonus it also attracts the Shife wife I bet.

Ananda girl said...

Hey typo... that was supposed to be like you "buy" that... not like you "guy" that. Sorry. The wolf and bear shirts are creating a guy thing in my head. ;)

Megan said...

I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

*waves at cute baby*

Red said...

DEFINITELY Bear-shirt. Definitely.


Props to Baby Shife!

tina said...

p.s. what a good-lookin bebe :)

billy pilgrim said...

now it's gonna take me an extra 10 minutes to get dressed in the morning trying to figure out if i should wear the turtle, frog or jesus t-shirt.

texlahoma said...

Both shirts are close to my heart. Wolf because I had an Alaskan Malamute that was basically a wolf.
The bear shirt because one of my favorite bosses got me one after he saw me get mad at this (no "B" bomb) lady I use to work with.
Thanks for your comment on Eugenics, I wrote a reply. For some reason your comment made me wonder if you have ever seen Logan's Run.

Suzanne said...

Now you know I only wear white tee shirts, so is this a trick question? Okay, so if I had to chose. You know I can't because I love animals so. I'll take your double sided line with bears on the front, wolves on the back. Or wolves on the front, bears on the back. What?

Oh, and BS is too adorable. God the kid just gets more beautiful every day. What's up with that?

XO

The Egg said...

Well, post some photos of you wearing the shirts. Then we can vote haha! And Baby Shife is adorable

Suzanne said...

I'm back because I can't click my damn self out of this joint. I'm going to have to hit the big red X. I'm not amuse. Just so you know!

XO

Travis Erwin said...

When I take off my shirt people often confuse me for a bear.

TOPolk said...

I say you go with neither and get this kickass Shark shirt instead.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-Great-White-T-Shirt/dp/B000H4U3S8

Be a trendsetter Shifey.

Red said...

Shark shirt is "whoa".

Suzanne said...

Okay, two things, the "egg" photo is stunning and TRAVIS!!! I want you to me "Otin." For nothing else than your photos are similar and well, you sort of rhyme beautifully. I think you're sort of a match made in Heaven!

Go to my comment page. He's there. Now I'm going to go to Otin's blog and make him aware you might stop by. Then I'm going to go to my blog and put you back on my link. What? Shut up. I'm doing the best I can. As an artist I see things. You're like freakin' twins!!!! Look at those photos. kiiiiiiiu Sorry about that...the new kitten walked across the keyboard.
XO

Suzanne said...

Oh, I'd also like you to "meet" Otin!

Suzanne said...

Oh, and just so you know, TOPolk, you always kill me.

;)

Jon said...

I think the original review of the "Wolf" shirt should be entered into the (as yet unwritten) book "History of the Internet", with the "Bear" shirt review not far behind.
That boy does get cuter every week too.

The Rev said...

Shifemeister:

Hope all is well, and the little guy is cute as all hell. As for the shirts, I've found that wearing something unsettling keeps a lot of the really annoying types away, which is how I tend to prefer it, but wearing a Marines shirt means being pestered to death in public (though occasionally with some benefit ;) ).

For what its worth, the "GI Joe" movie you mentioned in your last post was as bad as you were thinking. It wasn't a surprise, mind you, nor was it surprising that the only good thing in it was Sienna Miller's legs flashing in close up.

crazy4coens said...

johnson rod - ha! you have convinced me! bear shirt all the way!

angel, jr. said...

Love the Baby Shife pictures. Not so much convinced you should wear either shirt.

The Phoenix said...

Put a bear shirt on your boy too!

Phats said...

This post makes me laugh on so many levels, but I am going with BEAR!

baby Shife keeps getting cuter and cuter