Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Short and sweet

I was already to dazzle everyone with my hitchhiking to Canada story but right now I feel like one of the housewives on "Mad Men." I got breast milk all over me, I haven't showered in two days, and I am ready to say "Jager take me away." Me and Baby Shife are having a battle of the Wills. He likes Will Smith. I like Will Ferrell. But seriously he will not sleep. I don't know what to do. Does this automatically happen when they turn 16-weeks-old? I love this kid but days like today make me feel like a complete failure as a parent. Oh and did I mention when he starts crying then the fat basset starts howling. Good times people. Good times. So I am barely hanging in there today and I hope I will have time next week to write the Canada story. I have included the weekly photo fix for everyone and a couple of Facebook posts that I thought were funny. Have a great week and hopefully life at the Shife hacienda will not be as crazy next week.
  • Attack of the Blue Dong ... I mean "The Watchmen" out today on DVD. I wonder if they will have a Blue Ballin' special edition DVD.

  • If you were on the fence about eating goat penis - http://bit.ly/inpwQ - this should really help make your decision a little easier.

  • And this month's featured shirt from the "I'm Not Getting Laid" catalog, http://bit.ly/cRspp

  • I have to be serious for a moment and share this utterly disturbing link especially if you love dogs, http://bit.ly/44VdbZ

  • On a lighter note I just beat my previous record for number of consecutive days I have been alive.

30 comments:

Rocky (Racquel) said...

LOL - now you know why we women have to wear support bras - it's the only thing that holds us up when life is in the dumper!

take Baby Shife for a ride in the car - apparently that's what my padres used to do since my nickname through age 6 was "bawl bag"

PS I still rarely sleep more than 4 hours at a time - what a curse!

Rocky (Racquel) said...

PS Baby Shife = so damned cute!!

Ananda girl said...

Poor exhausted Shife! Rocky(Racquel) is right. One of mine wouldn't sleep unless I put on Paul Simon's "Me and Julio Down in the School Yard." I've no idea why that one song worked, but it did. I think it saved my sanity.

As always, your links frighten and crack me up. I promise to never, never eat a goat penis. Thank you for keeping me from that horrible fate!

But I signed that petition. I have never heard of such a horrible thing. I know I do it to worms, but they are not aware beings. I am going to have nightmares over that one. But I thank you for giving me the opportunity to express my outrage.

Thank goodness you added Baby Shife last to sooth my abraded nerves. He is a balm to be sure. And the bomb.

Ananda girl said...

Oops... it left the "e" off of soothe.

Red said...

That dog link is bogus. No one does that. I checked.


I see Baby Shife booty! HA! Sorry he's given you a run for the money today. It just happens. There is nothing you can do but ride it out and tag team with mom for relief.


That shirt along with the tuxedo shirt and the piano tie pretty much guarantee celibacy.

Red said...

Oh and I don't know about a "Blue Ballin" edition but they definitely had the "Free Ballin'" one, didn't they!

Kori said...

I don't even know how I found this-clicking on a link on Ms. Moon's blog, I believe. But am overly thrilled to discover that there is, in fact, at least one other literal blogger in Idaho. Yay! The baby? Gorgeous.

Oh, and dman it, I was really planning on some goat penis tonight; any alternative suggestions, since you ruined THAT for me?

Ananda girl said...

Have I ever told you how gullible I am Shife? Geez... you really had me goiing. hahahaha

Suzanne said...

I absolutely refuse to click on the links. I know you and I refuse. I REFUSE I TELL YOU!!!

That is one damn cute baby. You did that? How?

You're awesome!!!
XO

Ms. Moon said...

Thank-you for the picture.

Travis Erwin said...

Dude get out of my closet with your camera.

Megan said...

Put him in his crib and go take a shower. If he cries for ten minutes, then he cries for ten minutes. He'll live. And you'll be clean and refreshed. And still completely exhausted, of course.

unokhan said...

haha, oh man -- der shifeling loox like he's growing into personhood already! otter make things sufficiently challenging for papa and mama-- enjoy the remains of yer youth for another few months...

Limon Partido said...

Shife...

I did the petition for the dog one...that is DISTURBING...really, some of the things humans are capable of..lynching dogs and eating goat penises.

By the way...my favorite book is available in English. "The Alquimist" it's a little new agey...but I love it. Its my all time favorite, and right next to it is "The kite runner" did that book ever make me cry until my eyes sealed shut.
Baby Shife is a handsome little booger... :)

Crystal Posey said...

You have now discovered why some men come home to find their wives in pajamas, with yucky hair, nasty BO, food all over them, and either crying or trying to kill them.

You rock.

Jon said...

Unfortunately, I knew all of this was possible when we were getting into it. My mom has run a home day care as long as I've been alive, and I know the evils of a small child.
Sorry to hear the little guy is keeping you up, but it will get better.

Valerie said...

I needed to gaze long and hard on lovely baby Shife to take my mind of the despicable actions with dogs.

The only things that would work with my lad was a ride in the pram or car, or a tiny spot of brandy in his bottle. The latter was recommended by nursing staff at the clinic.

billy pilgrim said...

in a few years you'll be able to dispense the same lame advice everyone is giving you on how to deal with children.

so you got that going for you too, which is nice.

Megan said...

My advice was not lame. Just sayin'.

TOPolk said...

I'd wear that Keyboard Cat shirt. Throw on a pair of cheap sunglasses a 'la ZZ Top and you'll have the chicks beating down your door.

Hopefully.

Suzanne said...

You listenin' to that lame advice? Look at her? She goes to USC. I wouldn't listen to a god damn word she says. Good god get her the hell away from me. She's mean, mean I tell you.

tiggysmum70 said...

Shife, I know one mom who strapped her little one in the car seat, placed it on top of the dryer and turned it on. The gentle humming and movement of the dryer soothed the baby to sleep. Don't ask me why? But that was her sanity keeper there.
My little guy liked either rides or very soft music w/ the ocean sounds in the background. Sometime is was bible/church songs (just the melodies).

Anything is worth a shot! Baby Shife is a doll!!! He's one to watch out for ladies of 16 weeks!!!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Thanks for the head's up on the goat penis thing. I was planning on biting one off at the petting zoo.

Leah said...

Hullo Shife!

first off, an interesting article on Snopes.com, where I always go to check out any weird and disturbing info like the dog-bait story. Seems it's true but not widespread, and usually the dogs are dead. Anyway, check out the link.

Second, the sleep matter. We went through it, and there's nothing to do really but wing it and pray. Just kidding. No, not really. All I can say is that Baby Hedgehog never slept and she nursed oh, 80 times a night, and then suddenly she did sleep and she was weaned and it's a distant memory. Now she's the world's greatest sleeper. I know that doesn't help and I always wanted to kill people slowly who told me "this too shall pass."

But I'm too far away for you to kill, so I will just say "this too shall pass" as well as recommend a double dose of late-night libations...

hugs to all--

Leah said...

p.s. Megan's advice was absolutely excellent. And I used to tie an end of my bathrobe tie to the carseat, strap Hedgie in, put her on the floor of the bathroom by the shower, hold the other end of the strap and rock her while I showered.

But I wouldn't go to those lengths now.

angel, jr. said...

Baby Shife will most likely win the battle of Wills...

Cece said...

My boys would cry for hours. I didn't want to get into a habit of letting them sleep with me, but they were so totally spoiled that they required human touch almost constatly. People kept telling me to just lay them in their crib and go to bed, eventually they would cry themselves to sleep. Those people were wrong!!!! I got so desperate for sleep. Finally, I bought some ear plugs, put the boys in the crib, went to my room, shut the door, put in the ear plugs and set the alarm clock for two hours and laid it right beside me on my pillow. When it went off two hours later, I got up and took out the ear plugs. The boys were still just whailing away. They had cried for two hours. They were drenched from tears and sweat, and I felt so ashamed. I picked up my babies and held them close as tears of shame streamed down my face. They were so hot from all of their crying, but they shut right up as soon as I picked them up. I was exhausted. The two hours of sleep I got was not very restful. I carried the boys to bed with me, and there the three of us slept for a very long, long time. We were all three exhausted. I slept in the middle and they slept one on each side of me. I had to sleep flat on my back with my arms stretched out to either side because they each used my upper arm as a pillow. This is how we slept until they were 6 years old. Then we ran out of room in our King sized bed for me, two boys, and my husband. Still to this day, the boys prefer to sleep with me as apposed to their own beds. So the moral to the story... when all else fails, let him sleep with you.

Cece said...

Oh, but be forwarned. My boys will still pile on me when I sit in the living room. They think I am just one giant overstuffed arm chair. I am beginning to think that I am their favorite piece of furniture. My husband swears they forgot to cut the umbilical cord. I guess you could say my boys are very much Momma's Boys.

Phats said...

So which Will won out?

Another good picture of the future QB of the Idaho Vandals

unokhan said...

"I just beat my previous record for number of consecutive days I have been alive."

another day -- another beer!