Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Facebook status

Sorry folks for the lack of a presence out here in bloggoland but I am trying to get everything ready before Baby Shifley arrives. 10 days and counting.
Anyway, my worlds might be colliding here because some of you are on Facebook so these updates will look familiar but I thought I would share some of status updates with everyone because I think some of them are funny, and honestly I can't think of everything else to blog about right now. So please enjoy. If not just wait longer. There might be something interesting on here again someday.
  • Matt Shifley wonders if it is wrong that I play drinking games while I watch "Intervention."

  • Matt Shifley has March Madness. I hope it is not as bad as World Cup Fever.

  • Matt Shifley thinks if I tell you that there are a billion stars out there you'll believe me, but if I tell you a wall has wet paint you'll have to touch it to be sure.

  • Matt Shifley did not know that George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

  • Matt Shifley is looking for a BEER? shirt. It has a picture of a bear with deer antlers and it says "BEER?" on it.

  • Matt Shifley says you know what you can't outsource? You can't outsource balls. America is the world leader in balls.

  • Matt Shifley must warn you. Side effects of reading this Facebook status update may include euphoria, patriotism, and painful urination. Sorry.

  • Matt Shifley thinks when someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

  • Matt Shifley is drinking NyQuil on the rocks. For those times when you're feeling sick but sociable.

  • Matt Shifley is battling the fat basset. He wants to go for a walk. I don't. We are going to settle this the way our ancestors did - jello shots and mud wrestling.

  • Matt Shifley is excited that it is the year of the Ox. He was one of my favorite characters from "Stripes." I wonder when it will be the year of the Lebowski.

  • Matt Shifley is a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

  • Matt Shifley is thinking every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

P.S. Happy birthday to the most beautiful person I know, my lovely wife.

23 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

You've inspired me.
Happy birthday to the Mrs.

Mr. Shife said...

I am glad I could help Ms. Moon.

tina said...

Happy B'day Mrs. Shife :) Congrats on the wee one soon to come!

My fav has got to be the most recent one. It's funny yet so wrong...right up my alley. Bare with me Shife, this Darvocet is kickin in and I like it :)

Ananda girl said...

I love the Matt Shifley view of the world.
:) Do you use beer goggles?
Just wondering.

Megan said...

I already knew all this. But it was fun to read again.

billy pilgrim said...

happy birthday mrs shifely!!

is there such a thing as green roses?

10 days eh, starting to sweat yet?

Ananda girl said...

Mr. Shife-- Happy Birthday to the Mrs! Tell her I'll lift a glass to her tonight for many happy birthdays to follow. (This is a copy of a message I left for you at Oodles of Funch. Didn't want you to miss it.)

Suzanne said...

You put Mrs. Shife's birthday as a PS, in lower case, and in black. You nutty???!!! She's having your baby for Christ's sake, and you put her in lower case. Okay, it's official, I'm coming to Utah to shake the shit out of you.

Don't be afraid. If I poke you all you have to do is call 911 like that jackass at the park. But trust me, I'll get you're just desserts.

Oh, by the way, will "Wee Shife" be presented to us with white crap all over her/his face? Please say no.

Love you too! YOU'RE AWESOME!!! You always make me laugh with that line.

XO

Mrs. Shife...Happy Birthday dear one. And good luck with that delivery stuff!!! That's gotta hurt, but in the end you'll have a little bambino.

Suzanne said...

Oh shut up and leave me alone. You'll also get "your just dessert." What was I thinking?!!!

;)

Limon Partido said...

Very funny Shife...I myself am addicted to Nyquil on the rocks...and Happy Birthday to the Mrs!!!

Big Ben said...

We have big marbles in Canada too.

Those are good Facebook updates, better than what my friends post.

Me-Me King said...

Ten days and counting - how exciting! Here's wishing Mrs. Shife the happiest of all birthdays.

Jon said...

I've decided to make a stand and not sign up for Facebook. I actually only signed up for MySpace because my wife had started a blog there, and it was the only way I could view it. Anyhow, once again, you made me laugh first thing in the morning.

Booya said...

Yeah, I'm stealing those.

Happy Birthday to the Mrs.

Phats said...

I don't have facebook so thanks for sharing these on here so I could read them!

Brackets are up, thanks for participating

Happy birthday to your better half.

tina said...

Phats needs to get facebook. :)

Cece said...

hahaha. It's the final countdown. Good Luck Daddy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Dr. Ken is looking up Shifey to be a facebook friend.

Suzanne said...

Well...?

Robyn said...

Happy B-Day Mrs Shife and Congrats again! Where's fat bassett! Show him soon!
Robyn

Woozie said...

Taking bets on the sex? I'll put $5 on a girl.

angel, jr. said...

I need to update my status.
Happy Birthday Mrs. Shife!!

Anonymous said...

lol, this definetly belongs on dumbstatus.com