Thursday, December 04, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • I am sure you heard the news but I did not get voted the Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. Damn you Hugh Jackman.
  • I just want to know when People Magazine is going to do their Sexiest Man Dead edition.
  • As you may have heard the economy kind of sucks right now. Experts from all across the world have offered their advice on what we need to do to right the ship. But I think the person we need to turn to is Billy Mays. Who? You know who he is. Just check out his link right here. He can fix anything. Just throw a little Mighty Putty on your 401K and it is all better. And if that doesn't work I can just use the Zorbeez when I piss myself after seeing how much money I lost again this month.
  • Entrepreneurial idea of the month - Turkey Taint lunch meat or Nocher Your Mother's Turkey lunch meat.
  • The holidays can be hectic and stressful. You may push your body to the edge so I just want to offer a little safety tip to all you guys out there. Be careful you don't get too close to the swimsuit area when you apply that Icy Hot. Santa should be the only one with a red sack this year.
  • Nothing says Merry Christmas like a gift certificate from Planned Parenthood.
Have a great weekend. And don't forget to put that toilet seat down.

16 comments:

BBC said...

Screw all that, I'm going camping.

Mighty Putty, rolls eyes.

You haven't seen nothing yet youngster, things are going to get a lot worse. But I was raised that way so it doesn't bother me.

I trust that you are spending your money wisely and saving what you can?

Ms. Moon said...

All good advice which I will take to heart.
Oh wait. A lot of that advice was for men, huh?
Well, I'll do my best and am appreciative of your fine efforts at public education.

just bob said...

Nothing says Merry Christmas like a gift certificate from Planned Parenthood.

That's effing hilarious.

Random Chick said...

OMG! I saw that Planned Parenthood thing on the Daily Show Last night...all I have to say is WTF?! I wonder how that works???

Megan said...

I like you better than I like Hugh Jackman. Does that help? Probably doesn't help.

KnitTech said...

I swear, I did vote for you... You or the Hoff, I get you two confused.

Zen Wizard said...

Good ones!

Vince of Shamwow fame could also offer some solutions to the Global Meltdown.

For one thing, I have never gone wrong with his, "It's made in Germany and you know they make good stuff there"-dictum.

Leah said...

Who's Hugh Jackman?

But seriously...do you think Planned Parenthood has a gift registry available for weddings and baby showers?

Penelope said...

I saw that on the Daily Show a couple of nights ago. I laughed until I cried.

Karen

P.S.: How is Mrs. Shife these days???

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Are you speaking from experience there, regarding the icy hot? ;-)

Cece said...

Well, at least most of us still have a sense of humor about all of this. I was losing $80 a day with my 401K after watching that for about two weeks, I said the hell with that, and took it all out and invested it in land.

Jon said...

That Icy Hot advice isn't from personal experience I hope!

INNER VOICES said...

yeah but, they had a jonas brother listed in their sexiest men listings as well... so i dont theink they have too much credit to be given in any of their choices...

Me-Me King said...

I once grabbed the Icy Hot by mistake and used it as deodorant.

cher said...

Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like a prostate exam gift certificate if you ask me, but what do I know? My kids are getting shards of broken glass.

catscratch said...

Ech... turkey taint?? You are rotten, my man... totally rotten.

And I'm sick for laughin at and spewing Diet Coke everywhere.