I am a moron

Mrs. Shife and I have never broken down and got caller ID. We also hardly ever answer our land line because it is usually a telemarketer.
So when I do answer the land line and they ask for me I just say he is not available and can I take a message.
Well I get a phone call in the afternoon last week and decide to answer it.
"Hello is Mr. Shife there?"
"No I am sorry he is not here. Can I take a message?"
"This is Chris from Implied by Design returning his phone call."
Oh did I forget to mention that I was doing some freelance work and was trying to get in touch with a web design company so I could change a client's website content and gave them my home phone number to contact me.
So instead of pulling my head directly out of my butt and telling Chris that this is Mr. Shife and I was just screening my phone calls from telemarketers I decide to do the logical thing and pretend my name is Bob.
"Oh hi Chris. This is Bob. I work with Mr. Shife, and he told me about the problem. Maybe I can help figure out what we need to do."
And did I mention that I left this guy a message as Mr. Shife and the last time I checked voice impressions was not listed on my resume so I am pretty sure this guy thought I was a nutbar trying to pretend to be someone else or he just did not care.
It would be fine and dandy if I never had to talk to this guy again, but I had to send him an email after Bob's conversation with what I needed from him. And of course I mentioned in the email that Bob told me about their conversation.
Well the guy has not emailed me back yet and it has been 4 days so I am going to have to call him again.
I have not decided if Bob or Mr. Shife is going to call.
I am a moron.


  1. I love my caller ID! Changed my life! Get it!

  2. I never answer the land line either. In fact, I don't even know why I have one.

    I think Bob should call with a modified voice, and then 'hand the phone' to Mr. Shife.

    Do you know what made you say Bob instead of John or Steve or Dave or whateverelse?

  3. Well to tell the truth Megan I have picked out a pseudonym if I ever decided to write a book and it is Bob Galliono. For some reason Bob has been my favorite name for a long time.

  4. HA! This is hilarious! I needed the laugh ... thanks.

  5. You are a moron.

    Step 1: Lose the land line.

    Step 2: Get a cell phone if you don't have one.

    Step 3: Use that caller ID!

  6. I don't answer the land line either, either. I mean, never ever.

    Go with Mr. Shife. I think Bob should be retired for sanity's sake...

  7. "What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
    That's what Andy Griffith used to tell Opie and it's true.
    You're not a moron. Just a guy who doesn't want to talk to telemarketers.
    And tell Bob to stay out of your business life.

  8. Well this just made my morning.
    Bob sounds like he should make his way to the employment office. I think his days are numbered.

    You know, this sort of thing wouldn't happen if I was your S.A.S.S.Y.

  9. were you ever a latex salesman for vandelay industries?

  10. Funny... in a sad sort of way.

    We got rid of our land line.

  11. I have both only b/c my cell is pre-paid.... due to an ex who killed my credit.

    I do that all the time when people call for me even if they might know me.... lol


  12. I'm having to train all of my friends to start calling me once again on my landline since I've moved.

    But I do have caller ID-- it came wiht the package.

    Dude, you are not a "moron". You are Larry David!!!


  13. *turns nose up at cher*

    dude, you can fuck with him either way when he calls back! ask him to call you bob sometimes and mrs. hife other times....

    the caller i.d. is hard to live without after you have it. it saves numbers of people who call and etc... its a nice feature when you "need" it.

  14. Anonymous12/10/2008

    I have caller ID, but I still will not be me if I don't know the number.

    I don't care if they think I'm a nutjob or not.

  15. ha sounds very familiar - we never answer the land line and i continue to wonder why im paying for that and the digital voice mail i have never checked...

  16. You can always say "Click." Remember that.

    When you call back, please be Mr. Shife for sure. You the man. You the boss.

  17. You can always say "Click." Remember that.

    When you call back, please be Mr. Shife for sure. You the man. You the boss.

  18. haha this is funny, I have actually done this before myself. my solution I got rid of all my phones! No more telemarketers!

  19. Guilty! I had a lovely assistant named "Ashley". She always received kind compliments from my clients plus invitations for her to join us at meetings - dang!

  20. THAT is friggin' hysterical!

  21. Wow Shife. That sounds like another fine mess you've gotten yourself into. Good luck with that, and keep us posted.

    I personally haven't had a land line for years now. I don't see the point of paying for it if my cell phone not only works in the house, but every else too!

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  23. BAhahahah
    I have totes done that- but changed my voice and pretended to at first be my sister of something.

    "Ahem, one moment please, I think I here her coming in now!"

  24. I sure hope you're ok going through your identity crisis!


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