Thursday, August 28, 2008

300 seconds

So I am picking a completely random sentence that I found on the Internet and then I am going to write whatever pops in my head for five minutes. I must warn you this is probably going to be as much as fun as kicking water uphill but let’s see what happens.

Just finished enjoying a blueberry blast smoothie and some Jazzercise. Man oh man that Jazzercise can really make you feel like a man. Wow I got three mans in one sentence. Speaking of man, I saw a video today of Manfred Mann’s “Blinded by the Light” and I guess it is one of those songs where the lyrics are misheard quite often. Instead of hearing “Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.” People hear “Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche into the middle of the night.” I can see where people hear douche but why the hell would anyone sing about being wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night. I have heard some strange stuff but I don’t believe “wrapped up like a douche” has been indoctrinated into American vernacular enough to warrant an inclusion in a top 40 song. But it was the ‘70s and who knows what the hell the kids back then were doing. Maybe they were wrapping stuff up in douches and experimenting. I don’t even know what a douche looks like. Now I can point out a douche bag a mile away, but if you had a lineup of items and said pick out the douche I think I would be go home still douche less. Are their male douches? I am not trying to be a smart ass just curious. We dudes have some smelly parts and it would not be a bad idea to tidy up some of those areas. I mean I could use a shot of Febreeze in the taint region every now and then especially after going to the gym. The taint? The spot between your balls and your butthole. It ain’t your balls and it ain’t your butthole. I imagine that is where Sex Panther cologne originates from. That is great quote from “Anchorman.”
Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up. [opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time. [cheesy grin]
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.
Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.

And time’s up. See you tomorrow.

7 comments:

Random Chick said...

Wow, that train went way off the track...I should try that sometime. Looks like fun. I promise not to try that while medicated however, that could be quite dangerous.

Have I told you yet that it is so good that you're back in bloggerland. Well, it is, so there.

Cecile said...

Could we all say together Adult Attention Deficite Disorder? You make me laugh.

Suzanne said...

You back???? Hummmmmmmmmm. I like it.

Yup, the books commin...give me a nother few weeks. No, don't be a smart ass cuz I'll kick your ass. No, really. Ask RC. Ask Cece. Trust me. They know I take no prisoner.

Great post!

billy pilgrim said...

when i was a real young i called everyone a douche bag including my parents and their friends.

i didn't know what it meant. rather than explaining the error in my ways, the adults just gave me dirty looks.

so it goes.

INNER VOICES said...

a creative writing post. fun, fun, fun!!

The Duck said...

I always heard that lyric as "Wrapped up like Medusa in the middle of the night" or something like that. Hmm.

jennifer said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


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