Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Here’s a tip from the dumb, white guy: If you plan on running a half-marathon you should probably not drink heavily the night before. Yep, that is what this jackass thought would be smart to do 12 hours before he ran 13.1 miles.
  • How does this rank as the worst birthday ever? Last week a guy had his 40th birthday and he really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. But he managed to pull himself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping his wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for him. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” He thought … well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids … they will remember.
    The kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to their dad. So when he made it out of the house and started for work, he felt pretty crestfallen.
    As he walked into his office, his secretary said, “Good morning boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. He worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when his secretary knocked on his door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” He said, “Thanks, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
    They went to lunch but not where they would normally go. Instead she took him to a quiet bistro with a private table. They had a couple of mixed drinks and he enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, his secretary said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day … we don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” He replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
    After arriving at her apartment, his secretary turned to him and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “OK.” He nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake … followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday.”
    And he just sat there … on the couch … naked.
  • If you know any recent college graduates make sure you send them this picture
  • And remember


  • I am heading to Illinois to visit my family for a few days so I won’t be blogging until I get back next week. Don’t be said. Everything is going to be alright.
  • Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. And remember be kind, rewind.

17 comments:

tina said...

haha nice - did you need a manpon during your run?! ugh i can only imagine how you felt!

hey man, have a great and safe memorial day weekend - think I'll watch the Indy race and take it easy :)

Suzanne said...

I'll try deperately not to be "said." Return soon dear friend. And thanks for the kind words. You know I adore you. XO

Penelope said...

We shall count the days until your return.

Karen

Suzanne said...

What?! You run? And here I thought you just played baseball.....wait...softball...but that is funny, a drunk runner...hehehe. Hope you have a great trip to the midwest.

billy pilgrim said...

beauty!

someone fell for the second oldest trick in the book.

(watch those knees)

Random Chick said...

Ninjas really are everywhere.

Have a super, duper weekend! I will be "said" and "sad" too until you return.

INNER VOICES said...

wicked joke man... have fun!!!

The Egg said...

You kill me with your sense of humor. Why that Mrs. Shife is a LUCKY woman! Great joke about the boss and secretary!!! I shall spread it to my fellow eggs.

cher said...

as your SASSY, you should know that I don't do birthdays.
So, safe to say, I'd forget too.

angel, jr. said...

Happy Memorial Day!
And we are going to be sad that you are gone

Cecile said...

Gosh make one typing mistake and we all become a critic. I must jump on the bandwagon too, only because I have no originality, and I try too hard to be funny. I loved the birthday humor. I'm sure that was a big OOPS. Have a wonderful trip and we will be waiting here saidly until you return.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

If I was that guy I'd give mushroom stamps to everyone involved in tricking me, even the kids.

KnitTech said...

I notice you didn't say where you placed in the marathon.

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

That may be the single worst birthday surprise I've ever heard of. Jesus....

Design Goddess said...

Sure wish someone would have sent me that graduation picture when I graduated. Would have prepared me more for the "real world."

Kayla said...

Ha! Great joke
I wonder if he had "worked up" his excitement then?
;-)

indygal78 said...

I hope you had a fab time in IL visiting family!