Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • After I published my last post I thought about this way too late but I do believe an Anal Fissure has to be a drink in a gay club somewhere. "I would like two Appletinis and an Anal Fissure, please."

  • Ever call anyone a pussy? OK let’s see a show of hands out there. Come on don’t be shy. I got my hand up too. Wow there are quite a few of us. Well you need to stop it. You should actually call them a scrot. You see a pussy is tough. It can take a pounding, squeeze out life, and perform various other activities that a scrot can only dream about. So my friends be a leader and not a follower. When one of your friend cringes at the thought of eating whale cum soup call them a scrot instead of a pussy.
  • Here is a picture of my favorite rental video store.


  • My favorite reply this week when someone asks me what I am doing is "I am getting my jugs waxed."

  • Is the good old US of A the only country with vanity plates? How about letting your dog cruise in the passenger seat? I am just curious.

  • Speaking of curious. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  • I think this might be a picture and description of the Care Bear that didn't make the cut.



  • My buddy KnitTech saw my brief jerkies and raised me a licorice thong. They look fantastic and only 302 calories.

  • Five terrible euphemisms for defecating based on The Godfather movies.
    - Moving Klingman out
    - Whacking Sollozzo

    - Going fishing with Al

    - Visiting Woltz

    - Hiring Sophia

17 comments:

Jillian said...

LOL @ diarrhea bear. Was he not good enough for the other bears?

Jon said...

I always like calling people "kumquats". It's a small, citrus fruit, but it just sounds horribly filthy.

Suzanne said...

Kumquat! hahaha I made some Kumquat Chutney once......

texlahoma said...

Did you hear about the guy that couldn't afford vanity plates?
He changed his name to CLV-8145

MJ said...

Did you get your scrot waxed at the same time?

I'm sure it hurt so I hope you weren't a pussy, er, scrot.

billy pilgrim said...

i don't think i've ever called someone a pussy.

i use monosyllable insults. brevity is the soul of wit.

INNER VOICES said...

i enjoy the faces on people when you call them a choad. fun post, but you never did answer if that was you modeling the manties?!?

ruby said...

Canada's all about the vanity plates as well...of course we prefer having our pet polar bears ride in the passenger seat though. :)

Ron, Apparently said...

The UK has vanity plates, but they cost a fucking fortune so they're the exclusive realm of the rich and/or stupid.Did you ever see the Dave Chappelle piece on waxing and botoxing his balls? If not, run out and find it. It'll bust you up.Mrs. Ron had a scary gleam in her eye when she watched it. Made my eyes water thinking about it...

KnitTech said...

Diarrhea bear. Yeah, he would have made the show more interesting. I had to watch them when the girls where young. I paid them back when they were older, they had to listened to 80's dance music.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I feel bad for that bear, cause you just know that doody would be all up in his fur.

tina said...

I luv to call my best guy friends a pussy, especially this one guy in particular, he always cracks up when I do it, little does he know, i usually mean it ;)

hahahaha and my quote of the week will be yea, and I'll have a snow bone...Blades of Glory rawks - I saw it again the other nite

angel, jr. said...

Loving your video store.
I have no idea why a person would wax themselves down there. Talk about pain.

Leah said...

We've been using variations of "scrot" around here for over a decade--agreed it's the better insult! Now we just need to get the rest of the world on board...

Travis Erwin said...

You truly are twisted ... that's why I read your blog.

GrillTech said...

Someone's been visiting Digg.. Gotta love that site..

Random Chick said...

OMG! Those are so funny!!! I LOVE Diarrhea Bear! Now that's one Care Bear I can idenitfy with! LOL!!!