Random Acts of Shifeness

  • After I published my last post I thought about this way too late but I do believe an Anal Fissure has to be a drink in a gay club somewhere. "I would like two Appletinis and an Anal Fissure, please."

  • Ever call anyone a pussy? OK let’s see a show of hands out there. Come on don’t be shy. I got my hand up too. Wow there are quite a few of us. Well you need to stop it. You should actually call them a scrot. You see a pussy is tough. It can take a pounding, squeeze out life, and perform various other activities that a scrot can only dream about. So my friends be a leader and not a follower. When one of your friend cringes at the thought of eating whale cum soup call them a scrot instead of a pussy.
  • Here is a picture of my favorite rental video store.

  • My favorite reply this week when someone asks me what I am doing is "I am getting my jugs waxed."

  • Is the good old US of A the only country with vanity plates? How about letting your dog cruise in the passenger seat? I am just curious.

  • Speaking of curious. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  • I think this might be a picture and description of the Care Bear that didn't make the cut.

  • My buddy KnitTech saw my brief jerkies and raised me a licorice thong. They look fantastic and only 302 calories.

  • Five terrible euphemisms for defecating based on The Godfather movies.
    - Moving Klingman out
    - Whacking Sollozzo

    - Going fishing with Al

    - Visiting Woltz

    - Hiring Sophia


  1. LOL @ diarrhea bear. Was he not good enough for the other bears?

  2. I always like calling people "kumquats". It's a small, citrus fruit, but it just sounds horribly filthy.

  3. Anonymous4/02/2008

    Kumquat! hahaha I made some Kumquat Chutney once......

  4. Did you hear about the guy that couldn't afford vanity plates?
    He changed his name to CLV-8145

  5. Did you get your scrot waxed at the same time?

    I'm sure it hurt so I hope you weren't a pussy, er, scrot.

  6. i don't think i've ever called someone a pussy.

    i use monosyllable insults. brevity is the soul of wit.

  7. i enjoy the faces on people when you call them a choad. fun post, but you never did answer if that was you modeling the manties?!?

  8. Anonymous4/03/2008

    Canada's all about the vanity plates as well...of course we prefer having our pet polar bears ride in the passenger seat though. :)

  9. The UK has vanity plates, but they cost a fucking fortune so they're the exclusive realm of the rich and/or stupid.Did you ever see the Dave Chappelle piece on waxing and botoxing his balls? If not, run out and find it. It'll bust you up.Mrs. Ron had a scary gleam in her eye when she watched it. Made my eyes water thinking about it...

  10. Diarrhea bear. Yeah, he would have made the show more interesting. I had to watch them when the girls where young. I paid them back when they were older, they had to listened to 80's dance music.

  11. I feel bad for that bear, cause you just know that doody would be all up in his fur.

  12. Anonymous4/03/2008

    I luv to call my best guy friends a pussy, especially this one guy in particular, he always cracks up when I do it, little does he know, i usually mean it ;)

    hahahaha and my quote of the week will be yea, and I'll have a snow bone...Blades of Glory rawks - I saw it again the other nite

  13. Loving your video store.
    I have no idea why a person would wax themselves down there. Talk about pain.

  14. We've been using variations of "scrot" around here for over a decade--agreed it's the better insult! Now we just need to get the rest of the world on board...

  15. You truly are twisted ... that's why I read your blog.

  16. Someone's been visiting Digg.. Gotta love that site..

  17. Anonymous4/08/2008

    OMG! Those are so funny!!! I LOVE Diarrhea Bear! Now that's one Care Bear I can idenitfy with! LOL!!!


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