Sunday, April 06, 2008

I am blue

My beloved Tar Heels lost in the Final Four. To say the least I am little sad. But then I see something like this and realize it isn't so bad.

Picture it - there you are out in the wild camping away, when suddenly you are woken up by a super-horny Bigfoot tickling your nethers. It's a frightening predicament really, one that, depending on what the mythical ape-person is wearing, we're pretty sure we hope to never find ourselves in. Again, we'd like to stress here it depends on what the thing is wearing. If it's Versace we just might be in.
As ludicrous as the whole thing sounds there is a guy who actually claimed something like this pretty recently. Minus the high fashion of course.
If you are of a cryptozoological mind, and you've currently got a metal-framed backpack sitting by your front door as you're intent on finding sasquatch this weekend - for heaven's sake don't search in New Hampshire. No sir - the Bigfoot there will pin you down while he sexily strokes your genitalia against your will.
Gene R. Morrill is on the front end of a 20 year prison sentence for going online in the hopes of finding a 13-year-old male one-night stand. Or a full-blown relationship. We're not sure about the specifics.
But he was up to something horrible. Horrible enough to earn him two decades of pooping in front of his roommate. He needs an out.
The out he was counting on, apparently, was insanity. We assume that's why he started telling people Bigfoot molested him in the past. According to a newspaper:
"A man who claims that he was molested by Bigfoot as a child was ordered to serve 20 years in prison yesterday for his own molestation-related activities… Morrill told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report about being sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot, a North American folklore character said to be between 7 and 10 feet tall, and covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. [His defense attorney] said Morrill really believes the [assault] happened."
Crazy, right? Well judge for yourself. Here's are some links to some videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBqvqtt6YOg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX1DaIjrhRU&NR=1

10 comments:

Ron, Apparently said...

I think it's kind of like that old joke "What do you call a 500lb gorilla with a machine gun? Sir." If the giant semi-human wants a quick diddle, let him jolly himself a milk hand if it means we doesn't rip your head off, right?

angel, jr. said...

I thought that Big Foot had a different designer label.

billy pilgrim said...

poor gene, i would imagine feet aren't the only big thing on that old sasquatch.

indygal78 said...

wow big foot really does exist

Claire said...

Oh, sweet Lord.

Cxx

Jillian said...

Hahaha. There's an organization that devotes time to specifically search for Big Foot?? Wow.

That guy LOOKS crazy, I hope people don't start to take him seriously...

KnitTech said...

I've always heard Sasquatch was a peeping tom; not a molester of young boys.

Phats said...

At least your team was in the final four!

I hope you're not mad at me for picking Kansas, but if they win I win like 200 bucks in my office pool pretty sweet.

Random Chick said...

Okay, I can just see it now: Gene R. Morrill is sitting in a jail visiting room with his attorney. The attorney tells him, "Looks like we got nothing for your defense...I'm not sure what to do at this point." Morrill says, "What if we claim that I was molested by Bigfoot? Maybe that would get me an insanity plea?" The attorney says, "What a great idea! Why did I think of that? Let's go with it!" Gimme a frickin' break!!!!!

Random Chick said...

HEY, I just tagged you on my blog...I hope you'll do it because I want to see yours....