Thursday, March 20, 2008

Let the madness begin

As most of you know the greatest sporting event ever begins today – March Madness.
I have had World Cup Fever, World Series Hysteria, Super Bowl Frenzy, and a nasty case of crabs, but none of them can compete with the NCAA Tournament. People become whackos and nutbars with their brackets. But you know what? The March Madness fruitcakes have nothing on this list of some of the more “interesting” types of fetishes that exist.

And since I have a played a doctor in the bedroom before I think I am qualified to say that these folks are bat shit insane.

Dacryphilia: sexual pleasure in eliciting tears from others or oneself.
I have definitely shed some tears for some of my friends when I have seen what they brought home from the bars at 2 in the morning, but it did not make me hot.

Emetophilia: sexual attraction to vomiting.
These people have to be color blind and have no sense of smell. I mean really WTF? You get growth in the bathing suit area from this. Yuck.

Formicophilia: sexual attraction to smaller animals, insects, etc. crawling on parts of the body.
The itsy bitsy spider
Crawled up the pervert’s chest
Up went his weiner

And his underpant’s navy was all over her breast

Microphilia: sexual attraction to miniature people or miniature body parts.
Go midgets go, and dudes with small wieners too.

Plushophilia: sexual attraction to stuffed animals and/or people dressed in animal costumes. Hello Kitty!

Pyrophilia: sexual arousal through watching, setting, hearing, talking or fantasizing about fire. Stop, drop, and roll takes on a whole new meaning.

Somnophilia: sexual arousal from sleeping or unconscious people.
I believe this is where wiener mustaches got their start.

Telephone scatologia: being sexually aroused by making obscene phone calls to strangers.
Caller: Hello! Is your refrigerator running?
Receiver: Yes, it is.
Caller: Then you'd better go catch it before it gets away!

Yeah, that’s hot!!
I think if you get Oliver Klozoff with that one you are one lucky dude.

Trichophilia: sexual arousal from hair.
I wonder if this picture is a spread from the Trichophilia’s monthly magazine, Hairy Hotter


Urolagnia: sexual attraction to urine, including urinating in public, urinating on others, and being urinated on by others.
First off, whoever gets their rocks off on this is nuttier than a squirrel’s breakfast. But I would like to see how hot they are after visiting the men’s restroom after a Michigan home football game. Large groups of men who have been drinking lots of alcohol piss like blindfolded monkeys. The stuff is everywhere. Never, ever wear flip flops in a place like that.

Xenophily: sexual attraction to foreigners (in science fiction, it can also mean sexual attraction to aliens)
ET? Alf? Yoda ?Chewbacca? The Predator? Not even in a galaxy far far away.

25 comments:

Phats said...

Hmm what a very interesting post my friend. I learned a lot of new terms by visiting.

Good Luck to UNC ;)

Essentially Me said...

Well that guy ruined a perfectly good sweater by cutting a hole in it in the shape of a three!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'm happy for #3, cause he found a lady with that hair-loving disease. God bless those two NASCAR fans . . .

cher said...

i'll be back...
i'm glad you don't have spy cams when people read your posts because i was just a victim of the classic shife post. i mean, beer out my nose dude.

not cool.

it may be cheap beer, but its still beer and it deserves to be swallowed!

i will comment later... much later...

The Duck said...

I have two of those. I'll let you guess which two...

Jillian said...

Wow, some of these I never would've thought existed.

What a strange world we live in.

billy pilgrim said...

i had a bad case of xenophily when i married the lovely mrs myshkin but it turned out pretty well.

i like the world cup due to the irish factor.

Design Goddess said...

Who the heck would get sexually aroused by vomiting?!?! They'd also have to be deaf I think b/c just HEARING someone ralphing just makes ME want to join in!

Ron, apparently said...

Reading these comments leads me to believe you all have never seen the video classic "2 girls, 1 cup". Google it, and be ready....

Jillian said...

LOL! Ron, I've seen that vid before as the result of clicking a link I was warned against clicking. I wasn't told why I shouldn't click it, so I figured, "what the hell?"

/Regret...

cher said...

told you i'd be back.
Trichophilia: sexual arousal from hair.
Is this really wrong?
I've been told I have great hair.

The Egg said...

Very informative Mr. Shife! How about adding douchebagophilia to your list? As I recently found out, I may have an attraction to douchebags. This has got to change dammit!

tina said...

hahaha Stop, Drop and Roll - now it will never mean the same to me - I thank you for continuing to ever-change my outlook on life haha

Happy Easter dude :)

texlahoma said...

So I guess a person with Emetophilia would find someone purging from Bulimia virtually irresistible.

Suzanne said...

Yay! So, go Wisconsin! I have them winning, and yeah, I did get a bit overenthusiastically bouncy when UCONN was winning by a point here and there and then OT and wtf, but...so.....what is wrong with being a Xenophile? I mean seriously, arent we all just a little bit of all of those things once in a while with the right person? (maybe I wont go there now, but beware in future posts, i might.....)

Hey Cher, what brand of cheap beer? =D

So I have this friend who is in Bulgaria and he is teaching an English class, so he used one of my blogs. The class came back and wanted to know what I meant by Holy Shitehawks....I thought that was funny, because I was able to give this long winded definition that ranged from seagull to Adam West and Batman. Funny stuff. Miss you man.

cher said...

suzanne-Wildcat Strong baby.
It's the one with the cougar on it.
It's bad, but it'll git cha drunk

Penelope said...

Go 'Horns!!!

Anyway, how on earth do you come up with this stuff, Shifster???

Karen

Ron, apparently said...

Dude, I used your post as inspiration for the latest "WTF Friday" post. Just don't have eaten too recently if you choose to open the links....

indygal78 said...

Great post lol

I will never understand how hair can turn someone on.

Random Chick said...

I'm married to a #3...so what does that make me??? YIKES!!!!

Anonymous said...

I get warm fuzzies just thinking about Hugh Jackman's Wolverine sideburns...Meeeoow! Is there a name for someone with a sideburn fetish?

Claire said...

Wow. I feel 100% more normal now, after reading about those kinks!

Cxx

angel, jr. said...

Yuck with the backhair, but creative.

INNER VOICES said...

cher, beer just for cougars? awesome... and who doesnt like a little vomit?

Jack Payne said...

A Hypochondriac's delight: extensive assortment of diseases and afflictions from which to choose.