Any guesses on the picture?
Well my friends that is brief jerky. That’s right underwear made out of beef jerky.
Nothing says underwear are fun to wear like dried preserved meats.
I believe this is the first in meat haute couture, and hopefully the last. However, the fat basset has told me I would look good in pork chop underwear.
Just another reason to thank our founding fathers for kicking British ass more than 200 years ago. Thank you George Washington for giving me the freedom to wear
bedazzled, rhinostoned, beek jerky lace-up manties.
#2 - The Top Ten Signs Your Governor’s Having Sex With a Hooker
10. Starts every speech with "Four whores and seven grand ago..."
9. Governor's mansion is a hotel room on the Interstate
8. Always has that lovely cheap perfume smell about him
7. He gives a "State of My Unit" address
6. Second Thursday in April is now "Take a Whore To Work Day"
5. He's smiling...his wife ain't
4. His budget includes line item for "gettin' it on"
3. Before every executive decision asks, "What would Charlie Sheen do?"
2. Local hookers complaining they can't get that "gubernatorial" taste out of their mouths
1. Leaves a tip for his wife after sex
#3 - Houston We Have A Fissure
This is what I saw on the ESPN scroller the other day when I was at the gym, “Houston Astrons second baseman Kaz Matsui will undergo surgery to repair an anal fissure. He will miss at least 2 weeks.”
Before almost falling off the treadmill, I thought to myself what is an anal fissure and why would I want the world to know that I had one.
An anal fissure doesn’t sound good, and look at the big brain on Mr. Shife – he is 100% correct. An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability.
Doesn’t that sound like a fun afternoon?
I have no idea why Kaz Matsui would not pay the team trainer some hush money so he would tell the team that Kaz had a upper leg injury or something. Tell them anything but an anal fissure. Kaz was born in Japan. Kaz might not speak English too well. Kaz might want to hire a translator. Or get himself brief jerkies. Those spam shorts got to have some sort of healing powers.
#1 - I’ll take Meat Pants for $600 Alex