Friday, March 28, 2008

Friday's finds

#1 - I’ll take Meat Pants for $600 Alex



Any guesses on the picture?
Well my friends that is brief jerky. That’s right underwear made out of beef jerky.
Nothing says underwear are fun to wear like dried preserved meats.
I believe this is the first in meat haute couture, and hopefully the last. However, the fat basset has told me I would look good in pork chop underwear.
Just another reason to thank our founding fathers for kicking British ass more than 200 years ago. Thank you George Washington for giving me the freedom to wear
bedazzled, rhinostoned, beek jerky lace-up manties.

#2 - The Top Ten Signs Your Governor’s Having Sex With a Hooker

10. Starts every speech with "Four whores and seven grand ago..."
9. Governor's mansion is a hotel room on the Interstate
8. Always has that lovely cheap perfume smell about him
7. He gives a "State of My Unit" address
6. Second Thursday in April is now "Take a Whore To Work Day"
5. He's smiling...his wife ain't
4. His budget includes line item for "gettin' it on"
3. Before every executive decision asks, "What would Charlie Sheen do?"
2. Local hookers complaining they can't get that "gubernatorial" taste out of their mouths
1. Leaves a tip for his wife after sex

#3 - Houston We Have A Fissure

This is what I saw on the ESPN scroller the other day when I was at the gym, “Houston Astrons second baseman Kaz Matsui will undergo surgery to repair an anal fissure. He will miss at least 2 weeks.”
Before almost falling off the treadmill, I thought to myself what is an anal fissure and why would I want the world to know that I had one.
An anal fissure doesn’t sound good, and look at the big brain on Mr. Shife – he is 100% correct. An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability.
Doesn’t that sound like a fun afternoon?
I have no idea why Kaz Matsui would not pay the team trainer some hush money so he would tell the team that Kaz had a upper leg injury or something. Tell them anything but an anal fissure. Kaz was born in Japan. Kaz might not speak English too well. Kaz might want to hire a translator. Or get himself brief jerkies. Those spam shorts got to have some sort of healing powers.

24 comments:

Ron, apparently said...

Being an OR nurse, I know from the experience of many of my patients that they are also a bitch to heal.
I have to agree with you questioning the whole "telling the world" thing. I'd be hard pressed to admit to Mrs. Ron there was anything amiss with my back door, never mind the millions of unsympathetic couch potatoes that spend their time watching ESPN.

Ron, apparently said...

Oh, and don't you think those rhinestones might break your teeth?

Penelope said...

You know, I've been listening to Astros spring training games for a month now and although I knew Matsui was having surgery, I was not aware of why.

I guess I should watch more ESPN.

He's expected to return mid to late April.

Karen

texlahoma said...

Beef jerky usually makes me hungry, not this time.
Now he'll be known as "You know, the guy with the ass problems."

Leah said...

Brief jerky--somehow I think edible underpants should always be sweet, not savory. But that's just me.

And anal fissures MUST be kept on the down-low. I mean really.

tina said...

hey, do you know yellowdog? she is on my blogroll - she actually named #5 on the top ten list bout governors - pretty cool

you know, i was passing thru channels and apparently on America's Next Top Model - the girls had to model in straight up raw meat - raw meat bikini, tops, everything - looked severely nasty to me lol

Jon said...

To me, the term/words "Anal Fissure", sound even more serious than the problem described. It sounds like something related to nuclear power or weaponry.

Claire said...

Meat pants!

Cxx

thisdayandage said...

where can I get a pair of brief jerky?

billy pilgrim said...

i'm buying anal fissure insurance first thing monday morning.

Design Goddess said...

I wouldn't wear those briefs to the zoo if I were you.

Cynnie said...

There's a blurry bit in the crotch area..

photoshop? or are you pg-rated?

angel, jr. said...

Brief jerky? Meat on meat? Not very appetizing.

Anonymous said...

Say goodbye to your favorite meat shorts, big boy, momma gotta eat!

Jillian said...

LOL @ brief jerky. I imagine the taste of sweaty balls might bring out the hickory flavoring.

Yeah, whoever let out the news about anal fissures should be fired. Seriously... that's the kind of thing that begs not to be shared.

MJ said...

Wow! When you told me you were focused on anal fissures and brief jerkies you weren't whistling Dixie!

Travis Erwin said...

That gives new meaning to the phrase abusing your meat.

indygal78 said...

what's wrong with beef jerky undies? =)

KnitTech said...

I see your meat briefs and raise you a licorice thong.

INNER VOICES said...

looks like salmon jerky as well. and i like how the model is ready for some tennis. "nothing helps your back hand like some jerkies!"

um, errr... am i wrong? are YOU modeling the manties?

Robyn said...

Did someone say manties?! Holy shit! I just spit out my ice tea all over my computer screen! Damnit! Inner Voices...you do that to me all the time!
And on the subject of anal...I mean fissures. That guy who told all was a real 'ass'! LMFAO
Hugs,
Robyn

Random Chick said...

OMG! Where do you find this stuff?!? LOL!!!

ruby said...

Your beloved Cardinals are all up in arms...Matty's been partying too hard it seems...some nonsense about how he shouldn't be in a hot tub with more than one girl...

Anonymous said...

Beef jerky undies - hmmm...did you order those from your men's underwear catalog? They probably have them available in a thong as well.