- So is it wrong that when I babysit I change the parental controls to only the adult channels and I block Nickelodeon and PBS?
- Do you need a new excuse to call in sick? Try this one.
I have a case of anal glaucoma.
What the hell is anal glaucoma?
I can't see my ass coming into work today.
- I am going to punch a Olive Garden hostess in the neck if I see another promo or trailer for the movie “Vantage Point.” I figure the hostess will not get to mad at me because when I am there I am family.
- The best name ever for a furniture store.
- Have you been to a McDonalds lately? I swear it is like the modern-day version of the circus sideshow performers aka known as the freak shows. There are giants, midgets, bearded ladies, and Jo Jo the dog faced boy just loving it in their Golden Arches uniforms.
- Here are some politically correct items about women:
She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
- Here are some politically correct items about men:
He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."