Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Things that make you go hmmmm

Words fail me this week, but I was able to find some really great quotes from some really great people. If you can guess who said what you might think you win a prize or something but you won’t. Sorry. I am a cheap bastard, and I need to save all my money for my upcoming night out.

• Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

• When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

• Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

• A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

• Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.

• Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

• Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

• Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need

• Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.

• There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

• I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

• Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

• If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

6 comments:

GrillTech said...

Gotta admit that one about the war is a good point. BTW do you have to pick up the fat bassets poop?

Jon said...

Cats are much the same way. I think they are in charge in this house.

The Duck said...

Interesting takes on religion there. Do you agree with those? I do for the most part, but I don't think we've ever talked religion.

billy pilgrim said...

religion, the opiate of the masses.

does this mean god sells opium?

cher said...

that link! ah hahaha!!! mr.shife! you sooooo have to go and take pictures! lots and lots of timy little pictures

don't know who said any of that, but i am pretty sure it wasn't me.

angel, jr. said...

Those made me go hmmmm.