I have occasionally joked on this blog that I might have drank myself retarded. Well I think I know where the people that actually have accomplished this exploit now earn their money – they write directions or instructions on consumer products.
“DIRECTIONS: With head in an upright position, (Upright? No kidding - thank you Captain Obvious. Are nasal sprays secretly owned by the airlines? Because planes can’t land or take off if seatbacks are not in their full upright position) put spray tip in nostril.” (Thanks for telling me where to put the spray tip. If I had a nickel for every time I have mistaken my nostril for my penis … .)
Maybe I am being a little too judgmental or literal when I read these instructions but there are more out there.
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Really? You mean I can’t use these lights in my underwater sea cave to celebrate the holidays with my Mermaid and Manatee friends?)
(Damn it, they just don’t make Swedish chainsaws like they use to.)