Thursday, October 25, 2007

Save the Redheads

Hello everyone. I would like to talk to you about a very important subject – redheads. I guess they might go extinct, and it is our job to save them. I am doing my part by sending the below letter to my male redheaded friends. I encourage you to do the same.



Dear Redheaded Friend,

I find it hard asking someone to make love. I guess we all do.

But when Save the Redheads, one of the most respected redheaded agencies (OK it is the only one), asked me to volunteer to raise erections to help the redheads of the world, I knew I had to do it. Wouldn’t you?

The brutal truth is that thousands of redheads around the world die each day when people like you selfishly use contraception. Sure gonorrhea sucks, but isn’t it more important to try and make a redhead.

We are not saying you have to provide child support or be in their lives. Does the phrase redheaded stepchild ring a bell? Just get out there and make some sweet sassy molassey.

The proven solutions that are widely-known to get a female to drop her pants include large amounts of alcohol, diamonds, or a bulky checking account. Plus you are famous now. This is bigger than save the whales. Use it to your advantage.

Save the Redheads also provides programs to enable redheads to get their game on and help them start crushing you know what. Your underpants navy can make so many young lives. Please get busy humping or get busy dying.

The ‘Make a Difference’ campaign is a special project where people like me let you know that is not OK to have protected sex. Will you give your sperm today? An urgently needed gift of 3, 4 or even 5 redheaded children would be a tremendous help and your support will help Save the Redheads. On behalf of the redheads, Thank You!

17 comments:

Phats said...

haha good luck with this undertaking Shife, I will do all I can to help support your cause! Can we somehow ban Lindsey though?

Jon said...

In the words of a red-headed Eric Cartman.... "Red Power!".

KnitTech said...

Being a red head isn't all that. The sunburns, is that your real color, and unable to wear certain colors. But it is better then being blonde....

missy said...

Lol! I love it! This is a mission I would gladly support.

Tena said...

How can you tell a real redhead from a faux redhead? If the carpet matches the drapes.

Travis Erwin said...

A word of caution. A beautifl redhead is indeed a very nice thing, but when those red head genes go bad, they go very bad.

I think you should screen all applicants.

angel, jr. said...

In South Park they call red heads--Ginger kids.

cher said...

Redheads unite! It really is a terrible thing indeed that they are down to 2% of the population. Part of me wonders if they are just lazy. maybe redheads should be forced to watch nothing but porn and christian bale movies until they pick up the slack and start having crazy seed planting sex and give us brunettes a rest. i mean, i've done my part right? having two kids?

i was a bit sad you didn't mention Carrottop though. i mean he's freakin hotter than hell. and do you think he knows that Ronald McDonald is his father?

have a great weekend mr.shife! roar

oh, and start saving your pennies, because next year you and mrs.shife and that husky hound (warts and all)simply must make an appearence at our halloween party.

the rube said...

what if i helped create a redhead like that asshole carrot top?

i'd never forgive myself if that happened.

Design Goddess said...

I've actually heard about this. It's a tragedy for sure. But you know, survival of the fittest and all. Those "unnecessary parts" just get phased out over time. There's not much one can do about it.

Airam said...

You make a convincing point. I'm attracted to red-headed dudes so copious amounts of alcohol or bulging assets are not necessary for me to get down with a red-head.

Big Ben said...

I've never bagged a red head. I feel bad because there are a lot of hot ones. (even the ugly ones would not sleep with me)

nutz said...

lol good luck with this mission.

The Egg said...

Good luck! I was thinking about red highlights for my hair.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife, this is why you are my dog. Plain and simple.

However, can we call it Save the Fire Crotches?

Ms. Moon said...

Didn't Tom Robbins say that redheads are from a different planet? I need to re-read Still Life With Woodpeckers. It's all in there.
I gave birth to a redhead and he has the most gorgeous hair in the world and damn the boy! He shaves his head now.
Why?

Gabby Girl said...

As a kid, I would always buy the redheaded Barbie. They were always prettier than than the blonds and brunettes.