I have mailed it in

The last post I did was pretty lame, and I apologize. Please send all your hate mail to Cher, and if you are forbidden by law to send mail outside of the U.S. then send it to Phats. Speaking of Phats, he is answering questions on his blog, and I asked him one of those stupid "two trains" questions. Then I thought to myself, why not ask everyone. Plus I am hoping a SAT question writer is a reader of my blog and they will want to use my question in the 2008 SATs. You gotta have goals people. I have been telling you that for years. OK. Maybe this is the first time I told you. Anyway enjoy the question.

Two trains leave for Osh Kosh, Wisconsin (and B'Gosh I really have no idea if trains really do go to Osh Kosh) at the same time. Train A is departing from St. Louis and traveling 40 mph (talk about a slow train - quit playing with your overalls Conductor Bob and put the pedal down). Train B is departing from Denver and traveling 65 mph. The question - would you rather:
A) Be beaten unconscious with the prosthetic genitalia of midgets
B) Let an army of spiders hatch their eggs inside your middle ear drum
C) Be suffocated w/ waffles that have been heated up under Fatty McGee's armpit
D) Get a wiener mustache from Dr. Phil
E) Wish I had never seen this question


  1. Oh man, this one's an easy call. I'd totally go for the weiner mustache from Dr. Phil. Me likey.

    Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!

  2. I agree with the duck. I've always wanted to have the option of growing a mustache.

  3. Being beaten by prosthetic genitalia of midgets is like being beaten with gummi worms, right?

    So, A.

  4. I'd have to go with F) take my No. 2 pencil and ram it into my eye.

  5. it looks like dr phil has the deepest pockets. if some dumbbell can make a fortune spilling hot coffee on herself, a wiener mustache from phat phil ought to fund a few adventures.

  6. Is that all the choices?

  7. Easy: E.
    I don't test well.

  8. I would just like to point out that I am an attention whore and just like seeing my name on this the greatest blog of all time, and if you could keep dropping it and not mention Cher that would be great, we're sorta competitive! haha.

    Hmm I did quite well on my SAT's maybe because I am always sober I don't know. I was actually going to calculate this then you gave me options. I think I will go with B because I think that's happened to me before and it wasn't that unpleasant.

  9. phats- back the bleep up dude... how dare you tell mr.shife to not talk about me on his blog. man you are treading on thin ice lately buddy. yes, yes, it's true that we are blog whores... actually, i think that's how i have my own official "oops story" and got so fakely knocked up.. but, on the brighter side... my name is mentioned again on mr.shife's blog! i swear. not a whole lot in life makes me happier!

    ok, so is this a math question? man i hate math. I think i'll go with B- i mean, what's the point in having a head filled with cobwebs if no spiders actually reside there...and a chance at a whole army of them?? man... sign me up!

    you're the best mr.shife.

  10. Anonymous10/18/2007

    I really don't know how you come up with this stuff. I'm sure it is never a dull moment with you. I'm going with the Dr. Phil answer.


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