Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Humble apologies to you dear reader. It has been several Ambushed Paddingtons and a Dirty Sanchez since I last blogged. (And if you really want to know what a DS is then look it up but not at work) My anticipated return from the Black Hole of Suck was a little premature. I guess I had premature suckulation. Maybe there is a little blue pill for this. Ahhhh that new suck smell … you gotta love it.

    On with the show.

  • I don’t need the assistance of pharmaceuticals to envision that I might go insane in the immediate future.
  • The beloved basset had to have 13 skin tags (the dog equivalent of warts) removed from his furvacious body. They electrocuted them off. Personally I think he looks like an ashtray because he has burn marks all over him.
  • My favorite actor has a new movie coming out today. No The Hoff is not starring in Mitch Buchannon (FYI, the Hoff's character in Baywatch) and the Temple of Speedos . I am talking about Christian Bale. It is called “3:10 to Yuma” and I think it is about a crazy Greyhound bus driver on his route to Yuma from Kalamazoo. Or it could be a kick-ass Western.
  • You would think I would have more to talk about since I have been absent for a little while now, but I really don’t. Maybe I am completely out of Confessions. Maybe I will have to change the name of my blog to Fabrications of a Dumb, White Guy.
  • Three good arguments that Jesus was a woman: He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food, he kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it, and even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do!
  • What do you think of this? A clever Tampon ad? Or why is there a pool in the middle of nowhere? Or maybe this lady has some nasty ass matter?

Well that’s all folks. Hopefully I will only be in the Blue Hole of Suck next week so I can post on a regular basis. Mrs. Shife suggested the Brown Hole of Suck but that just brings up some really bad imagery.

Have a great weekend. Get your drink on if you are into that type of behavior, and remember you are the tops.


  1. Just curious if the Cd has arrived yet and I agree 3 10 to Yuma does look good.

  2. Was that the loud thundering noise I heard on Wednesday? You going back to work. Dude that was amazing.

    Seriously, it was a crack of thunder so close the lightening must have been less then a half mile away.

  3. There is a black hole in your comments section that has sucked my comments.
    Anyway, Christian Bale is awesome.
    I don't remember what else I said now.

  4. Anonymous9/07/2007

    Hehe (yes, I must chuckle each time before I comment here cuz you make-a me laugh and I'm a MrShife groupie)

    Ya 3:10 to Yuma - I believe my boy Russell is in that too

    Here's a better image of Brown...Newcastle Brown Ale - I'm havin right about now funk soul brotha :P

  5. well you could always confess that our virtual bastard baby is making me dizzy and hungry. i'm so glad its just a virtual pregnancy. at least i can still drink my hormonal womb into submission.

    great post mr.shife. i laughed out loud at the premature suckulation bit. you are so funny. even though work has been really hectic for you lately, you still have your 'wits' about you and that is just great. for me anyway. i'm so glad your teeth didn't have any real link to your humour.

    maybe we can ask christian bale to be the godfather of our virtually yet immaculatley conceived bastard love child. i hope the movie was good!


  6. "Brown Hole of Suck" brings up images and thoughts I would rather not have before the sun rises.

  7. poor ole quince. i hope he's getting breakfast in bed while he recuperates

  8. I did too much of bullet point number 7 tonight. I'm drunker than a barrel of sea monkeys.

  9. Anonymous9/10/2007

    The poor fat basset. So was that 3:10 to Yuma good??? Tomorrow is movie night and I don't know what to watch...hmm

  10. I bet those are cigarett marks Mr. Shr.., I mean Mr. Vick!


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