How about 5 0r 6 reasons someone might think I am gay.
- I am sensitive.
- I like to shop.
- My favorite song that I like to karaoke to is "I Want it That Way" by The Backstreet Boys.
- I do a lot of manscaping – plucking, tweezing, and shaving of the body hair.
- My ringtone is the "The Final Countdown" by Europe.
- And I don't know how I overlooked this one (Thank you Phats for reminding me), but I have a strange obsession with David Hasselhoff.
Actually there could be 15 or 20 reasons. I could fit every homosexual stereotype there is but there will always be one overriding factor that makes me not gay – I don’t like balls bouncing off my chin. I was going to be a little more vulgar and say something like a cock in my mouth, but I decided to … ooops I did it anyway.
But someone might say how do you know Mr. Shife if you never tried it? And Mr. Shife would say it is just one of those things where Mr. Shife (Don’t you hate it when people talk about themselves in third person) is 100% positive he doesn’t need to try it to be certain he would not like it. Like I know I don’t want to circumnavigate the world with Flavor Flav or spend an intimate evening with Star Jones or have an Ambushed Paddington or join the Michael Vick fan club. I will never do any of those things because I know me, and me will not like.
That’s all for this week folks. The next time we speak I will be minus two molars and enjoying life in an altered state. I hope I get some awesome pain meds. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.