Suck it voice mail.
Actually I would not mind the voice mails if there were better options when I accessed that phone feature.
To wish explosive diarrhea upon someone – press 1
To lock a frisky but crestfallen raccoon in someone’s car – press 2
To assault someone with clever dialogue and Cornish game hens – press 3
For a 12-pack of Coors Light – press 4
For a Happy Ending – press 5
To drive a railroad spike through the face of whomever left you a voicemail – press 6
To be serenaded by David Hasselhoff – press 7
To make someone’s house smell like a turd covered in burnt hair – press 8
To go home, have some dinner, and pop in a Sisqo CD – press 9
P.S. It was difficult but there is no mention of an Ambushed Paddington in the above post. I think I might be over my quest to be in Google's top rankings for Ambushed Paddington. But then again maybe I am not. I mean is it really that weird if I want to target my blog to people who search for Ambushed Paddington on Google. Yes, you are right. It is weird. I need help.