I have been extremely busy at work with just my normal activities, but lately it seems like every time I leave my desk I return to a bright red light flashing on my phone indicating that I have a new voice mail.

Suck it voice mail.

Actually I would not mind the voice mails if there were better options when I accessed that phone feature.

To wish explosive diarrhea upon someone – press 1
To lock a frisky but crestfallen raccoon in someone’s car – press 2
To assault someone with clever dialogue and Cornish game hens – press 3
For a 12-pack of Coors Light – press 4
For a Happy Ending – press 5
To drive a railroad spike through the face of whomever left you a voicemail – press 6
To be serenaded by David Hasselhoff – press 7
To make someone’s house smell like a turd covered in burnt hair – press 8
To go home, have some dinner, and pop in a Sisqo CD – press 9

P.S. It was difficult but there is no mention of an Ambushed Paddington in the above post. I think I might be over my quest to be in Google's top rankings for Ambushed Paddington. But then again maybe I am not. I mean is it really that weird if I want to target my blog to people who search for Ambushed Paddington on Google. Yes, you are right. It is weird. I need help.


  1. On the topic of ambushed paddingtons and google rankings, you of course understand one of the main determining factors for google rankings, do you not?

    If you really want to rise in the google ranks for "ambushed paddington" searches, the best thing is to get people to link to your site using the words "ambushed paddington" in the link itself.

    (e.g. Ambushed Paddington)

    I for one would be more than happy to place some of said linkage somewhere on my page to aid you in your perhaps ill-conceived quest.

  2. Now tell the truth...you would always push 7, wouldn't you?

  3. Hmm sign me up for giving people option 2 and 6 for sure.

    I hate telephones

  4. once i get up to 4 i always forget the previous options!

    could i press 0 and get a live operator or return to the main menu?

  5. Anonymous8/21/2007

    ha the Ambushed Paddington never gets old - tks for reminding me of such an image when I look at a teddy bear hehe

    sorry havent been around - then again, it was not my fault - so many bad things this past week, but i'm still here sooo - will post soon!

  6. The good news is that you're up to #3 on the "Ambushed Paddington" rankings.
    The bad news is the one about the frisky raccoon in the car almost made me shoot coffee through my nose.

  7. I watched "America's Got Talent" season finale just to hear the Hoff sing.

  8. i laughed so hard at making someone's house smell like a turd covered in burnt hair. you always cheer me up :)

  9. I love the railroad spike in the face, myself.

    I know a certain someone who could use that since he's oblivious to exactly how P.O.'d I am at him!


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