Thursday, July 19, 2007

Random Acts of Shifeness

Holy tiny little balls of semi-solid waste material from the digestive tract via the anus. Two posts in one week from me. I am trying but I have been busy. Have a great weekend.

  • It has taken me nearly 30 years but it finally dawned on me yesterday. What did the movie Star Wars really teach me? Was it good versus evil or the long-term effect of slavery - be it literal or figurative or how to use the force? Nope, none of the above. It is simply make sure you know your family tree before kissing a girl on the mouth.
  • I recently cleaned out some clothes from my closet. I used to think that I had pretty good taste in my apparel choices but some of the stuff that will be featured at a Goodwill store near you makes me wonder if I was high when I bought some of these items. Seriously a lot of these shirts I got rid of were straight out of the “I’m Not Having Sex Catalog.”
  • Speaking of bad clothing choices, I think I have a great idea for a store. You know those Build a Bear stores they have at every mall. Well how about Design some Chaps store. I could cater to the gay clientèle or just whoever would like a pair of assless chaps (are there any other kind of chaps?). These people can come in and design a pair of chaps however they want it. Just like the little ones do with the bears. It is solid gold I tell you.
  • I know people are innocent until proven guilty, but it does not look good for you Michael Vick. The whole dog fighting scene, which he admits to being a part of, is cruel and unnecessary. I really think Vick should have to strap on some pork chop underwear and then we can see how fast and elusive he really is when the dogs are chasing him.

11 comments:

tina said...

LOL! Pork chop underwear?!! haha I love it...yea, Vick - sorry to say he comes from VA or anywhere for that matter

Star Wars, I just got finished watching two of them 2nite - had some kind of urge to watch the darkside unfold

have a good weekend :)

Jon said...

There's been a few times when I've given stuff to Goodwill, only to have my Mom find something, buy it for me, and then realize I used to own it.

Tena said...

I just found you on Travis' blog. Where have you been all my life?

You really live in Boise?

the rube said...

yer right on mr vick.

maybe get some feromones from nice female quadraped in heat and spray them on mr vick. toss him in the pit, and make a movie.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I think Michael Vick should be fitted for some pork chop, assless chaps. And where would he get such an item . . . That's where your new store comes in!!!

angel, jr. said...

I can't believe someone would do that to dogs.

Now this new store of yours, in the building teddy bears store, the child has to kiss the bears heart before it's sewn up into the bear. What do these dudes kiss before the last stitch goes on the chaps?

Mr. Shife said...

Angel that is indeed a very good question. A couple of ideas definitely come to mind but it is too early to be a vulgarian.

nutz said...

I'm the same way with the clothes...thought I was looking good, but "what was I thinking!?" uggg the goodwill likes me.

I don't like the Vick guy...anyone who could be so cruel to animals gets a big "X" in my book!

The Egg said...

Yeah I have wondered about my past clothing selections. Don't worry it happens to all of us. And don't get me started on the dog-fighting! Surely the guy was not thinking straight?!

Tena said...

And besides the fact that you make coffee come out of my nose, you're a fellow dog-lover to boot! Thanks for visiting my blog.

I shall return.

Tena with an e

cher said...

i've never pictured you in anything other than assless chaps and a t-shirt that says "I don't have sex"