Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Mitch Hedberg was one funny dude. Sadly, Mitch died of an overdose in 2005, but his comedy lives on thanks to the web. If you have not had the opportunity to listen to his musings, you need to check out this link. Here are some samples of this mad genius:

    Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. All you would hear is "Awww fuck! I thought I looked like that rock."

    I was gonna get a candy bar, and the button I was supposed to push was HH. So I went to the side, I found the H button, and pushed it twice. Fuckin' potato chips came out man. Because they had a HH button for Christ's sakes, you need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA, BB, CCs. God God dammit dammit.

    Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cause the dude didn't even get his degree. Why'd you have to drop out and start makin' pop so soon?
  • Trying to wrap your mind around the way I think is like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall. I am a weird duck and I know that, but one thing I did not know about myself is that I have been immortalized in a rap song. Do a search for “Lookin’ Shife” and see what pops up. The song has a lot of positive *your sarcasm radar should be going nuts right now* messages like, “Don’t show any weakness for the bitches or you get your life jacked.” I think I actually heard that mantra first from our fat basset, Quincy. That dog is one bad motha.
  • As I mentioned in my previous post I am going to fraternity reunion this weekend. I will be leaving Friday afternoon for a long weekend at my alma mater, the University of Idaho. The reunion was scheduled the same weekend as my half-marathon race so I won’t be doing my race until later this year. But it is for the best because I have not been able to train the past four weeks. I got that cold/flu that was going around so that knocked me out for two weeks, then I stepped on a nail, and then I was assaulted by a rose bush that left me with several long scratches on my calf. So I got the message from the running gods to maybe run a race later in the season.
  • I have been trying to be consistent and update my blog twice a week, and so far so good. But I probably won’t have time this Friday to post seem I am heading to my Delta Chi drunk fest so I will talk to you everyone next week. Have a great week and enjoy your weekend.


  1. Are you sure its the racing dieties? It might be Qunicy, I'm not saying it is... but you never know.

    Enjoy the trip and watch out for the dick fairy.

  2. Just browsing, very interesting.

  3. Ive seen the landlord, but ya can never get enuf of that - luv it

    Have a blast at your reunion and take plenty of toothpicks (for the eyelids) and red bull. Red bull and Jager seems to keep me up all nite (haha) - now i sound like an alkie ;)

  4. vending machines are the devil's workshop. i wish more people would reveal the evil behind these machines.

  5. Awww fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!

    I need to DL that dudes stuff.

  6. Have fun at your reunion!!

    Do you think that the nail and the rosebush might be in kahoots (sp?) with one another? They are both in the sharp ends categories.

  7. All the best ofr your reunion!

    By the way, I put on an accumulator with my Nicaraguan bookie...my knee caps would appreciate it if you would get a visit from the dick faced fairy while getting drunk with the Hoff and catching a ball at a major league baseball game.

  8. Anonymous5/16/2007

    Have fun @ your reunion! Can't wait to hear about it.

  9. I'm trying to recover from the landlord video. Have a great weekend. Be good:)

  10. The Landlord video is indeed hilarious. Have you seen the "Dick in a Box" video? That's also pretty damn funny. Just look up "Dick in a Box" on YouTube.

    I am super psyched to report that I will get to see RCPM this year after all! They're coming my way on July 26th. I will be counting down the days!

  11. OMG! That Landlord video is both hilarious and disturbing all at the same time!

    Have a great (and safe) reunion!

  12. I've got some Mitch Hedberg that a coworker of mine gave me, and I keep forgetting to listen to it. I've got to do that ASAP. I love his vending machine joke there. That's good stuff.

  13. the fish thing...and then the vending machine thing. i officially love you. you are the reason to blog at all

  14. These are really interesting mr shife. those damn double letters always get me as well.

    I have to disagree though Mr Pibb kicks Dr Pepper's ass for sure! I like it so much better

  15. Have fun at your Delta Chi reunion!

    I've done that H, HH thing before too. I ended up with Fritos instead of M&Ms.

  16. Anonymous5/21/2007

    So...did you survive the weekend?

    Delta Chi, eh? Did I mention before that I was engaged to a D-Chi for about 5 years - actually stayed in the frat house every weekend here at vcu.. ha long time ago...

  17. mitch was the shit!

    and I agree with phats Mr. Pibb kicks Dr. Pepper's ass...even though I can't say that here in Texas(I'm about 50 miles from the home of Dr. Pepper) they still hang you for stuff like that!


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