I think the volume of unsolicited mail I receive electronically has reached an all-time high. I am appreciative of all this attention. Especially from such faraway places like Nigeria and I really like it when I send myself an email begging myself to increase the size of my manhood.
I think this might be a message from Mr. Shife in the future. Maybe 10” wieners are a requirement of our advanced society. If you don’t have 10 inches then you can’t rent out a spaceship or something. Kinda like how if you go to the carnival today and you must be this tall to ride the rides sign.
Anyway, is there a viable reason why there are so many ads for porn, erectile dysfunction, bigger hogs, and low-interest mortgages? I mean someone must be buying the stuff or they wouldn’t keep sending it out.
I imagine a lonely man who enjoys his pornography and pops his little blue pills waiting for one of these lovely ladies he views on the Internet to come visit him. But the ladies never visit, and he is stuck with his giant boner all day long. And unfortunately it is a little awkward for him with his huge, artificially-enhanced endowment so he is knocking things over in his house. Then he gets mad about that and starts punching and kicking holes in the wall, and before you know it he needs a new house.
Thank goodness he got the email about low-interest mortgages.


  1. Have fun at the RCPM show tomorrow night! I am so jealous! Have at least one shot of tequila for me and sing along very loudly!

  2. I get more spams than real emails. Bugger.

  3. Anonymous4/03/2007

    hahaha your last sentence just about sums it up - i like gmail in that whatever you are looking at in your email - it gives you hyperlinks and messages up top and along the right side of your inbox. For example, if you go through your spam and delete it, you get a message up top for "Check out this Spam casserole" and along the right "Spam on Ebay" "Spam books at Barnes and Noble"

    It gets even better when the content of your emails has something the word "Bush" Then I get "how to fix government" or "need a lawyer?" heh

  4. oh I LOVE's especially good right outta the can! Mmmmmm all that spammy goodness.

    But you forgot about all the ones that say you've won something or get something for free. Now those are tempting! :D

  5. I always get mail to increase my manhood. Do you think it's cause I'm Filipino and it's a genetic thing?

  6. I get more spam than real email. I'm just as popular online as I am in the real world.
    My rule of thumb is if they can't spell or it has incorrect grammar, I won't open it.

  7. Anonymous4/04/2007

    I hate spam.

    I get a shitload of spam comments on my blog. Insane amounts. Since I moderate my comments, they never make it on there, but I delete about 50 a day. Such a waste.

    Spam wouldn't exist if it didn't work. I want to know who the hell is buying shit from spam mail?!?!?!?!

  8. I'm still waiting to inherit millions from some prince in Nigeria...I gave them my bank acct # and all!! sheesh! Yeah I'm tired of spam. Do people actually believe it?

  9. i save all my spam for the cracker factory. deleting it makes me look busy when the boss walks by.

    men in a cruder society would stick a sock in their pants.


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