Friday, March 16, 2007

Random Acts of Shifeness


  • Me and Mrs. Shife are heading to Las Vegas to celebrate March Madness, St. Patrick’s Day, and someone’s birthday. Mostly we are going to celebrate my lovely wife’s birthday but it works out kinda nice that all this other stuff is going on.
  • Due to our vacation, I will probably be out of the blogosphere for about a week. If I am not back in a week, just wait longer.
  • Would it be ironical if after you donated blood you needed a blood transfusion but they were out of your blood type?
  • This is also very ironical
  • In case you ever wanted to know how liposuction worked
  • I am running 7 miles at a pace of 7:24 per mile currently in my half-marathon training. I have about 8 weeks to go until race day. My goal is to complete the race in less than 100 minutes.
  • Sorry to get political but Bill Maher had an excellent analogy about the U.S. surge currently going on in Baghdad and how the administration and right-wing media are gloating about the decrease in violence. He compared it to how an abusive husband quits beating his wife when the cops are on the front porch or a guy quits screwing his secretary when his wife walks in on him. It will be interesting to see what happens when the surge is over.
  • It was a close call about the name for my softball team but we decided to go with Scared Hitless. Thanks for all of your input.
  • Joke of the day
    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange
    Officer: May I see your driver's license?
    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
    Officer: The car is stolen?
    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
    Driver: Yes, sir.
    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
    Driver: Sure. Here it is.
    It was valid.
    Captain: Who's car is this?
    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.
    The driver owned the car.
    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
    Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
    Driver: No problem.
    Trunk is opened; no body.
    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
    Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too

14 comments:

Nutz On A Roll said...

Woohoo have fun in Vegas!! Oh and good luck on your marathon--you can do it!

angel, jr. said...

Awesome joke!!
Happy Birthday to Mrs. Shife!!
Be careful in Vegas!!

Tina said...

Wow I cant believe that article on California - I may borrow ;)

Good luck with your running and hey, have a blast in Vegas! Dont gamble like I would :D

I caught that piece on Maher - laughed my ass off.

Your cop joke reminds me of an incident we went over in class actually - not as bizarre but def "what to do when someone has recanted, etc"

Bon Voyage!

Phats said...

Have fun in Vegas don't bet on college athletes! haha. Bet totally play some craps for me.

Scared Hitless is an excellent name, and awesome 7 miles DAMN

Jon said...

Have fun in Vegas. Glad you went with the name I picked; feels good to be with the popular candidate.

ruby rocks said...

great idea on the running.

the lovely mrs m would never catch me if i could run like that.

long may you run.

twolf1920 said...

Ok Shife..YOURS is POST OF THE DAY!

Rocky (Racquel) said...

The only way I'm running a 7 minute mile is if a hungry and angry grizzly bear is chasing me. Good for you tho!

Blonde said...

Wish I was in Vegas too!!!! :(

EBEZP said...

Have fun in Vegas I was there a month ago. Don't lose all your money - just a lot!!
First time here and just having a look around thanks to twolf. I like what I see.
When you return you must come over to mine you will be welcome.

The Duck said...

Vegas baby! Kill a hooker or two for me! Haha! Just kidding.

Or am I?

Design Goddess said...

Hope you and the Mrs. have a great time in Vegas. Although we'll probably never hear what happened on your trip b/c apparently you forget what you did as soon as you leave. Otherwise, why would they say "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas?"

Loved the article about the border fence company. :D

Fiona said...

That Cow's poem makes me think of Stewie's poem on the Family Guy when Stewie and Brian thought he had skin cancer:

"Oh floatie thing in my eye, what are you floatie thing in my eye? I try to look at you and you leave, but you always come back, floatie thing in my eye..."

Scottish Toodler said...

Scared hitless...lol... Love the pics from Las Vegas sounds like a great trip!!! Happy B-day Mrs Shife!!! You might like the personality evaulation about Bush on my blog, it starts with the "surge"... Glad to see you are doing well!! Sorry i haven't been around much!!!