Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Great grandfather clause -- I am willing to suspend my disbelief at the movies, but when some of these aging action movie stars are eligible to be great grandfathers I think it is time for them to hang it up. Indiana Jones 4? Die Hard 4? Rambo 4?
    Come on guys, you had a good run now let it go.

    Possible dialogue for Die Hard 4:
    Bob
    : I got a hundred people down here and they're all covered in glass.
    John McClane
    : Glass? I don’t care about glass? I have no bladder control.
    Bob
    : Well I am sorry to hear that, but this is Bob Galliono of the LAPD and I am in charge here.
    John McClane
    : Oh you're in charge? Well I got news for you … what did you say your name was again?
    Bob
    : Bob.
    John McClane
    : Well Bob, from up here I can’t see anything. I don’t have my glasses. Can you help me out a little bit by waving or something?
    Bob
    : You can’t see. How am I supposed to give you directions?
    John McCalne
    : What? Erections? No not this month. I have difficulty getting or keeping an erection about one in every four times I have sex.
  • Which Hero, besides Peter, would you be? I am thinking it would be cool to be invisible like Claude. And last night’s episode of Heroes was frickin’ awesome.
  • Joke of the day -- A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. When the elephants walk out onto the circus ring, the little boy asks his mother, "What's that?" "That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
    "No, under the tail," says the youngster.
    The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
    The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question. His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."
    "So why did mom say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
    The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
  • And another insult to those who swim in the shallow end of the gene pool -- Did you have restricted air flow in the birthing canal?

13 comments:

Blonde said...

I couldn't agree more. The last Rocky was a disaster. The acting, the concept and the writing were horrendous.

I love Rocky, but don't want to see Rambo, or the Terminator and any of these old coots do anything but go out to pasture.

tina said...

hehe gotta admit I love the Bruce but I agree - I think Harrison Ford is gettin up there too. Saw the Guardian with Costner - he may be closing in on that category as well...sigh....

Surprised you left Rocky out - but prob too ridiculous to mention hehe I love da Rockster tho - cant help myself, kind of like you and Hoff I suppose ;)

angel, jr. said...

Yes, they shouldn't make sequels. If they are going to do that, they may as well just sign on to do a series.

Edmund Dantes said...

How far can they push these old geezers in action films? Surely someone's going to do a knee and I can't imagine Bruce Willis doing Die Hard while waiting to get a hip replacement on Medicare? Or Harrison Ford doing Raders of the Lost Ark XVII (surely he'd have found it by now?) while pushing a zimmer frame.

But Chuck Norris, he just keeps on going. Walker: Texas Ranger: THE MOVIE!

Jon said...

The new, geriatric sequels just further proves that Hollywood is really running out of ideas.

KnitTech said...

I think it's good that Jim Carey is trying a different direction instead of the slap-stick, because he is getting older.

ruby rocks said...

i'd love to be captain kirk. save the planet and bed the best looking babes in the galaxy.

when your done, hop on the enterprise and start over.

Phats said...

Funny joke shife!

I have never been a fan of the Rocky Movies, So I think Sly should retire. didn't they catch him on steroids or something or I am dreaming? When is the hoff coming back to the big screen? Spongebob Squarepants 2?

The Duck said...

Looks like no one's getting your "Heroes" question shife. I'll answer it for you.

Hiro duh! The dude can stop time, move individual items back in time, and teleport! All good talents on their own, and he can do them all! Plus he's getting a bad-ass sword soon.

I'm still waiting for Peter to pull out the time stoppage trick though. He clearly knows he can do that one since his encounter with Hiro. Next week, Linderman! I'm sooper excited. OK, that's enough Heroes geekery for now. Glad you're still watching shife.

The Duck said...

Oh, and I forgot to mention the fact that the last episode of Heroes actually made me well up. That final scene with HRG was something else. I think I connect with him on the whole father thing. That is quite the sacrifice he's making for his daughter.

swedishnurse said...

I have to agree that Heroes was pretty awesome. And I also agree that the invisible power would probably be pretty cool. Hearing other people's thoughts would also be good, but not if you couldn't control it.

Thanks for checking in!

Nutz On A Roll said...

I've never seen any of the Die Hard movies.

Nutz On A Roll said...

oh hey did you like Lost last night?