Friday, January 19, 2007

How to Shower like a Woman / Man

I thought for sure I posted this but I could not find it in the archive. Anyway, I ran across it again the other day and I just think it is downright comical. I hope you enjoy it as well.

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off shower
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on floor

17 comments:

bozette said...

LMAO.

Phats said...

Hmm your and mrs shife's daily routine?

HAHA it was funny I got a kick out of it

Jon said...

Despite the fact I've read this a few times over the past 10 years or so, now that I'm married, it's taken on a whole new relevance.

ruby rocks said...

it pretty hard to do all that during a commercial when watching a football game.

i just do #'s 10, 14, and 18.

mist1 said...

I would never pee in the shower...except that it's good at keeping down foot fungus. So, I admit, I do it, but it's for medical reasons.

LBseahag said...

i didn't realize women aren't supposed to farmer blow in the shower...i am such a man.

cranberry said...

isn't that called the helicopter? shaking your weiner at someone?

bozette said...

HEHE Hubby left a reply to your comment for you here.
http://bozettetc.blogspot.com/2007/01/horse-and-snow.html
Hehehehehehe

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Da Bears!! WOO-WOO!!

hehe

Rocky (Racquel) said...

OH MY GOD, SHIFE - THE COLTS JUST WON! WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR!???? OH HAVE MERCY SWEET LORD!

Nutz On A Roll said...

hmmm I'm not doing my part...I forget to spray the moldy parts with tilex.

PS Rocky...root for the COLTS!!!

angel, jr. said...

I shake my weiner regardless of whether someone is around or not. And I make the woo-woo sound all the time.

The Duck said...

yes, the weiner shaking is fun. i enjoy having a weiner. everyone should have one. well, except for women. hmm, i guess someone else figured this one out already. ok then!

meghansdiscontent said...

Hilarious.

Oh, and PS - I had to use my brother's shower recently, don't ask, but HE has apricot facial scrub and NO, it's not his girlfriend's. Nor is the "Aussie 3-Minute Miracle Hair Repair Conditioner."

Ann said...

I'm an in and out kinda girl. Even when shaving my legs, I'm all business.

Tina said...

funny I must have stolen this from you last year, cuz just a few weeks ago, someone found me through google and trackbacked to my post on this - its hilarious :)

Design Goddess said...

That's hilarious!!!! :D