Tuesday, May 01, 2007

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds

I was walking out of the grocery story today and glanced at a movie on my way out, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." And I thought to myself, that is crap. I mean 10 days, that is way too much time. I can lose my entire family in 10 days. We live in an instant gratification society. We want results now. So in my effort to help mankind, I thought I would amp it up and offer my suggestions on how to lose a guy in 10 seconds.
  • Sleep with his brother or best friend or father.
  • Tell him he has the smallest penis you have ever seen.
  • Tell him you have had sex with more than 100 men.
Now if one of those three don't send the guy packing then he is completely desperate, whipped, or just has no self-esteem. So if you have to pull out the ultimate deal breaker then
  • Sleep with his mom.

20 comments:

missy said...

Wow, really good tips here! There's this guy who has been phoning & leaving messages even if I have not returned any of his calls for months!

But then his brother & father can be a wanker... let us hope he has a good friend!!

...or a nice mum ;-)

Blonde said...

I will be sure to never get drunk enough to tell a guy the truth...now that you have divulged that he would run for the hills if he knew the real me ;).

KnitTech said...

Or sleep with his sister, doesn't have to be his mother.

Big Ben said...

If a girl said she wanted to piss on my face or use a strap-on on me, then I would be out.

The Phoenix said...

I want to vomit now. You should call your list...Lose A Man In One Milisecond.

angel, jr. said...

Yeah that would make every guy run away quickly!!

Sophie T. Mishap said...

Ha! Thanks! I had to take notes...

Suzanne said...

I have that movie. its funny. Wanna borrow it? heheheh

Jon said...

Or in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "I'm not gay, but I'll learn"

the rube said...

or maybe he's just after your money.

"well sweetheart, i got the clap so you'll have something to remember me by"

The Duck said...

Excellent tips there. I'll have to remember those the next time I'm dumping some dude. Hmm, maybe they won't come in as handy for me after all. This will require further consideration.

Nutz On A Roll said...

Good tips Shife!

GrillTech said...

I don't know about that sleeping with the mom one. You know the saying.

2 guys together is gross. 2 girls together is a photo op.

Emily said...

This reminds me of a Dear Abby I read where some lady was all like "Dear Abby: I haven't been able to have sex with my husband since I caught him having sex with my brother. How do I move past this?" Uh, one word, DIVORCE.

Yeck!

Tina said...

haha nice tips

for some reason this popped in my head...funny

http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/18493

The Egg said...

Hehe. Nice of you to drop by, Mr Shife. Looks like a fun blog. Thanks for the laughs!

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

When did you talk to my exes?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Big Ben: Do you know any girls into face pissing and strap-ons? Not for me, I swear. I have this friend who's into that stuff.

Edmund Dantes said...

1. Say "I love you" on the first date.
2. Carry a wad of wedding magazines under your arm.
3. And if all that fails: in the bedroom, point and say, "Hey, I used to have one of those!"

Phats said...

Are you suggesting this as the sequel?