Yokozuna revisted

I wrote about this several months ago but at the time I was not accepting comments. Since I have successfully pulled my head out of my rectum and fully embraced the wonderful world of blogging again, I would love to hear what you wonderful folks have to say about Yokozuna. And who knows it might be the perfect gift for that person who is always difficult to shop for.

I have no idea where the origins of this juvenile prank began but for some reason its memory surfaced in my gray matter recently, and now I must release it into the wild.
Basically, a Yokozuna is an act where one places his bare bottom on another’s face in stealth or Ninja mode, shouts Yokozuna, and then hilarity usually follows unless of course you are the one sleeping and wake up to find a hairy, smelly turd cutter in your face.
Does that make sense?
Here is the breakdown: Bob is sleepy so he decides to take a nap. Bob’s roommates, Ed and Theodore, are not tired and full of mischief because they just split a fifth of whiskey. Ed and Theodore notice the slumbering Bob. Ed talks Theodore into giving Bob a Yokozuna. Theodore drops his shorts, and does his best imitation of a Ninja while he hovers his bare ass over Bob’s face. Ed and Theodore nearly give it away because they are giggling like a couple of school girls anticipating the oncoming butt splash Bob is about to receive. Ed pulls himself together momentarily and instructs Theodore to do the same. Theodore maneuvers his assy matter into position, and then Ed yells Yokozuna at the top of his lungs. Still half-asleep, Bob wakes up quite confused and unsure of his surroundings. His baffled mind tries to comprehend why someone shouted Toyota and why there is a foul smell in the air. And why are people laughing? He raises his head to gauge the situation when his forward motion is abruptly stopped by something … something with flesh and hair and stench and OH MY GOD Did Ed and Theodore give me a Yokozuna? At last Bob’s mind registers that he is now enjoying a face-full of ass compliments of his roommates.
So there you go kiddies, please pass along the fun-filled gift that is Yokozuna.


  1. Before I attempt this stunt, I need to know the correct pronounciation. Where is the stress on this term. Is it yoKOzuna, yokoZUna, etc.?

  2. ha I have never done this, nor have I ever had this happen to me. I also hope I never have it happen to me HAHA.

  3. While I have never done this, or had it done to me, the name only makes me think of the 400+ pound wrestler of the same name. And I believe having him do that to you is a fate worse than death.

  4. Been there and done that. My childhood friends and I thought it was always the perfect gift for whoever fell asleep first at our slumber parties. But we were high on Cool Aid and Lay's Potato Chips--not on whiskey.

  5. wow.
    so in order to do this i have to grow hair on my ass for the full effect right?

  6. Gross Gross & Gross.

  7. Anonymous12/04/2006

    OMG I laughed so hard! Don't tell me you gave this special gift to someone??! LOL

  8. did john belushi ever do a yokozuna?

    i miss his artistic sensitivity.

  9. Isn't Yokozuna that hot dog eating champion guy? Hmm.

  10. Anonymous12/05/2006

    I would rather be dead then have someone do this to me.

    We always call really fat babies Yokozuna babies. I don't know why either...

  11. Anonymous12/06/2006

    NEVER heard of this and PRAYING I'm never afflicted with it.

  12. I have to say that although I have not heard of yokozuna I'm intrigued...I can think of a few people that will be getting the gift of yokozuna this holiday season.

    Thanks for taking the shopping stress off of my mind Senor Shife!

    Dont't they do something like that in the movie Waiting?

    I think that involves balls in the face, but it's about the same premise I believe.

  13. So does that mean you gave yourself a Yokozuna then? If so, Ron Jeremy had better look out! :D


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