'Tis the season to piss people off. Here are several options to make sure you succeed in your mission. Happy Holidays!
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Staple pages in the middle of the page.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
- TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
I like pretending i can smell something dead and to sniff poeple as they walk past...yuk...yukReplyDelete
Loved this!!! Awesome!! I may use some of them for our Christmas party. I think people will think that I've finally gone over the edge.ReplyDelete
I can't sign in using my blogger account, but with my gmail account. Wass going on wit blogger?
Hi this is PHATS I can't log in on a beta blogger.ReplyDelete
I honk and wave to strangers all the time! But I really planning on doing all of these before the holiday season ends, thanks for all the AWESOME suggestions. I loved this post.
LoL I love this one: Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."ReplyDelete
This is a great way to get molded fruitcake for Christmas from your co-workers.ReplyDelete
I THINK THOSE ARE ALL AMAZINGLY AWESOME SUGGESTIONS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THESE WITH US MRSHIFE.ReplyDelete
WAIT A MINUTE, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
HMM, NEVER MIND, IT'S GONE NOW.
HA! SEE WHAT I DID THERE? DID YOU?
haha that was funny duckReplyDelete
i like the 99 copies.ReplyDelete
i also like to fax black sheets of paper to certain salesmen.
I recently wrote "for xrated services" on a check to a friend for a group gift we all chipped in for. He did not find it funny when the girl at the bank pointed it out to him.ReplyDelete
At least you have a sense of humor!
Hi, this is SwedishNurse. All is well! I tried to log on the other day to leave a comment, but your page kept rejecting me. What is this stupid Beta Blogger crap? Anyway, I know I've been quite negligent with posting recently, but now that school is over I should start posting with more regularity. Good post by the way. Had me laughing for quite a while!ReplyDelete
That damn duck stoled my idea of commenting in all caps...;)ReplyDelete
unfortunatley I don't have a glass eye, so that one is not going to work for me either.
I think I will honk and wave at strangers, that sounds like fun.
Thanks for the ideas Shifey!
Hey guy - I'm back from exam hell - catchin up on blogReplyDelete
I so agree with "tis the season to piss people off" I'm not feeling very festive and speaking of one of your points listed...I plowed thru a traffic cone on Thursday morning LOL It was great haha
Be careful who you piss off, Shifey-dear.ReplyDelete
I worked drive-thru in high-school.
The dumbest witch in the entire world ordered 12 items and in between each one she said "and that's TO GO."
So when she got to the window, I handed all her food out on a tray, then looked confused and said, "Oh. Did you want that To Go???"
hahhahaha...i still get a kick out of the to-go drive thru one....ReplyDelete