Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • There is a band playing this week in my town called Battery. They are a Metallica tribute band, and the ad states: “These guys are so good that they have actually opened for Metallica … “
    So the question I pose is how excited would you be to see a tribute band play before the actual band? Is that like your girlfriend using her favorite BOB (battery-operated boyfriend) before you step up to the plate? Or maybe she uses you first, and then finishes off with BOB? Ouch.
    Maybe it is just me but I would rather not see a tribute band open for the real deal.
  • Tomorrow is a sad day as the season finale of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” airs. I just started watching the show this summer and it is hilarious. It has three qualities I always look for in programming: Politically incorrect, crude, and awesome.
  • When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.
    On your way home from work stop at your pharmacy, go to the thermometer section, and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
    When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
    Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.”
    Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the Rectal Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
  • I am ready for some football. And in case you care, my teams are the University of Idaho Vandals and the Arizona Cardinals.
  • Make your next trip to the grocery store a little more exciting. When you check out say this to the cashier, "I like your style" and shoot them double-barreled fingers.
  • I am Pro-Shife and I vote.

8 comments:

Design Goddess said...

Oh how I've missed your random acts! I've seen parts of Sunny Phila and it is hilarious! I just can never seem to catch it though.

Have a superdeeduperific day! :)

dashababy said...

Ok, now I just feel like a stalker being first.
Glad to see you back in the ol' saddle again. I think of you whenever I see the Hoff which is quite a bit these days. Poor Hoff.

I didn't know each thermometer was personally tested. Ewww.

dashababy said...

Ok, so maybe I wasn't first then.

angel, jr. said...

I love "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"!!! Great show.

Jon said...

And you've brought back the comments. Good to see you back and blogging from time to time.
And I promise, I will think of the rectal thermometer testing while at work today.

Phats said...

GO VANDALS AND CARDS!! The Cards might be pretty good this year my friend.

I would not want to see a tribute band before the actual band personally.

cranberry said...

dude - you're back with comments - that's awesome.

cranberry said...

mr shife - i love your style!