Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Good Vibrations

As kids, we were taught some basic rules to keep us on the straight and narrow. Don't chew gum in class. Don't put the cat in the dryer. And, of course, don't leave your purple vibrator in the middle of the road.

That’s right folks. Somebody evidently forgot the ever-important rule about never leaving your battery-operated boyfriend on a strip of land, smoothed or otherwise prepared to allow easier travel.

So what triggered this public service announcement?
Well Mrs. Shife was walking down the road from our house getting ready for an evening jog when she heard a buzzing sound. Her initial reaction was to look around in people’s yards because everyone knows that is where you keep your mechanical device that is designed to generate vibrations. Well the buzzing got louder and she still could not see where it was coming from … then she looked down. Smack dab in the middle of the street was a purple vibrator gyrating along the gravel for no other reason than to make my wife giggle for 10 minutes. After she composed herself and bid farewell to Deep Purple, Mrs. Shife went for a run and upon her return the device was longer calling our street its home.

After my lovely wife shared this lovely anecdote with me, my first reaction was “Bull Shit” but then I thought there is no way she makes up something like this and I just started laughing as I imagined her making this shocking discovery.

I am not sure if Monday night was Purple Vibrator Liberation Day or if it was sent from the future by a group of individuals spreading love through sexual aides or maybe some kids were just playing a practical joke.

We may never know why a purple vibrator made its way into our lives but we will never forget the joy it brought us.

Good luck wherever you are purple vibrator.

10 comments:

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

If you ever find a battery-operated vagina, let me know. Been a while, you know? Help a brother out.

leo myshkin said...

a sign of western moral decay or just a sanitary alternative?

or just another sign of our dependance on foreign energy, chinese batteries.

Design Goddess said...

When will the basics be taught again to the younger generations?! When??!!!

Great story though!

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Not have ever (or yet?) the owner of a B.O.B., I do sometimes wonder what makes someone choose 'purple', say, over other choices like 'candy cane-striped' or 'tye-died'.

Why the heck would you ever consider moving from Boise? What other state but Idaho can lay claim to rampant milita camp members, skinheads and purple vibrators freely roaming the streets?

Molly said...

I'm not sure which question is more intriguing:

How did it get there?

or

where did it go?

missy said...

DIY sex is this the new thing now??

Phats said...

That is absolutely hilarious! Don't put cats in the dryer, I wish you would have told me sooner man!

Go Vandals, I hate MSU so I hope you pull the upset, I will be rooting for ya

Jon said...

For the record, when I was in second grade, my mom did put a cat in the dryer. It was a total accident, and she still feels awful for it.

madame P said...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1862467,00.html


thought you might enjoy this reading... ;o)

Vibrators said...

Okay, I'm intrigued. How do "purple vibrators freely roaming the streets" in Boise? This dig on Boise is lost on me. I'm looking for a town that loves me and my vibrator ;-)