Don't Worry, Be Happy

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As some of you may know I am trying to have a better outlook on life. Just trying to be grateful for what I have and enjoy life a little more. Well Mrs. Shife just sent me over a list that shows by just being a man I have plenty of reasons to be happy.

Men Are Just Happier People
  1. What do you expect from such simple creatures?
  2. Your last name stays put.
  3. The garage is all yours.
  4. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  5. Chocolate is just another snack.
  6. You can be President.
  7. You can never be pregnant.
  8. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  9. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  10. The world is your urinal.
  11. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  12. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  13. Same work, more pay.
  14. Wrinkles add character.
  15. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
  16. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  17. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  18. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  19. One mood all the time.
  20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  21. You know stuff about tanks.
  22. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  23. You can open all your own jars.
  24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  25. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  26. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
  29. You are unableto see wrinkles in your clothes.
  30. Everything on your face stays its original color.
  31. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  32. You only have to shave your face and neck.
  33. You can play with toys all your life.
  34. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  35. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
  36. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
  37. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
  38. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
  39. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes..

    No wonder men are happier.

Comments

  1. Nutz On A Roll4/17/2006

    Thats a very true list. Thanks to Mrs. Shife for sending this to you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4/17/2006

    Okay, I'm in LOVE with the truth of number 19. You guys amaze me with that!

    I'm also in love with katrina cloud's icon. Long live The King!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dirk the Feeble4/17/2006

    I forwarded this to everyone on my e-mail list! All three of them!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous4/17/2006

    Ha Ha!

    Women CAN be President...the only problem is that men are too ignorant to vote for a woman.

    I don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or screw.

    My new shoes don't do any of those because I refuse to wear heels ever again.

    I have one mood all of the time: BITCHY.

    My phone conversations are short, too.

    Women can open their own jars...we just have to let you men THINK we need you.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Matt S.4/17/2006

    "You can open all your own jars."

    HA! So true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. leo myshkin4/17/2006

    yup, we men can also relax and be wrong once in a while. women have to be right 100% of the time.

    if we gloat to much, i'm told we come back as women in the next life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. the duck4/17/2006

    Yep, I especially like "same work, more pay" and "one mood all the time". That whole work thing is pretty sweet huh? All those perks PLUS more money to boot? All just for having a dangly thing betwixt the legs? Deal.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JM4/17/2006

    You are very lucky to have such a wise woman in your life.

    ReplyDelete
  9. yellowdoggranny4/17/2006

    and don't you forget it....

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cassandra4/18/2006

    LMAO!!
    Yes, the blog has been restored. Blogger actually does have tech support after all.
    Nothing wrong with taking lunches by yourself. I've read a lot of good books that way or just enjoyed watching the world go by in peace and quiet. Ahhhh....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Chairborne Stranger4/18/2006

    that's an awesome post, too funny, man.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jon4/18/2006

    All very true, and yet it still makes me feel good.
    Yes, it is good to be a man.

    ReplyDelete
  13. the_mrs4/18/2006

    "You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt."

    Me neither! "Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty" ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. madame P4/18/2006

    awesome awesome !!!!

    the missus rocks !!!!

    so damn true !!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Mackenzie4/18/2006

    I just bang my jars hard on the floor and they usually losen up. As for the shoes, I plead the 5th.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Jay Noel4/18/2006

    Very accurate list.

    The whole menstruating thing...oh man. I'm so happy to be a man.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater4/18/2006

    Being a man I have no problem with. The whole peeing outdoors thing has been good to me. Being a BROKE man is the thing that is starting to bother me.

    ReplyDelete
  18. DaMasta4/18/2006

    *sniff*
    All true.



    Say hi to the bassett hound for me. I thought of him over the weekend. Remember The Cuz's fat beagal? He's skinny now! Amazing what not feeding him 8 times a day will do for a dog.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. girl4/18/2006

    This list is only true if your boyfriend isn't a fag. (I'm implying my boyfriend's a fag) Uh-oh! Here he comes, hide me!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Tina4/19/2006

    Haha so what does it mean when I have opened jars for a guy or two before? ;) hehe nice list

    ReplyDelete
  21. Phats4/19/2006

    haha great list, your wife is a wise lady

    ReplyDelete
  22. The Scarlett4/19/2006

    Your wife knows all that is wise.

    ReplyDelete
  23. missy4/19/2006

    Well done Mrs! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Jay4/19/2006

    I totally snarked at most of those...I mean, come on, it's 2006 already. And then I read the one about doing your nails with a pocketknife. That one really spoke to me. In the heart burn kind of way.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Design Goddess4/20/2006

    All I can say is "Righty tighty, lefty loosey"

    And if a guy's not wearing a shirt, you bet your sweet bippy I'll be staring at his chest! :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous4/21/2006

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    ReplyDelete
  27. dashababy4/21/2006

    I'm sending you happy non-worrying vibes.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Steph4/22/2006

    This is why in my next life, I'm coming back as a man. It's on big friggin PARTY!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Big Ben4/22/2006

    Women stare at my chest, it usually at eye level for them (but I do my fare share of staring back).

    ReplyDelete
  30. Tina4/23/2006

    Where ya at? :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Design Goddess4/23/2006

    Great....now I've got Bobby McFerrin in my head. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous4/23/2006

    Knock, knock! Is anyone there?

    ReplyDelete
  33. TOPolk4/23/2006

    The lack of not having to sit to pee on this list bothers me.

    Also the ability to scratch ourselves wherever and whenever we damn well please is definitely a plus.

    ReplyDelete
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    My name is Ray and I just started a new blog about sexual confession. Its a place where you can chat about sexual confession confidentially. I hope you will come and check out www.MySecretConfessionSpace.com. Thanks for letting me post on your site.

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