Monday, April 17, 2006

Don't Worry, Be Happy

As some of you may know I am trying to have a better outlook on life. Just trying to be grateful for what I have and enjoy life a little more. Well Mrs. Shife just sent me over a list that shows by just being a man I have plenty of reasons to be happy.

Men Are Just Happier People
  1. What do you expect from such simple creatures?
  2. Your last name stays put.
  3. The garage is all yours.
  4. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  5. Chocolate is just another snack.
  6. You can be President.
  7. You can never be pregnant.
  8. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  9. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  10. The world is your urinal.
  11. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  12. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  13. Same work, more pay.
  14. Wrinkles add character.
  15. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
  16. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  17. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  18. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  19. One mood all the time.
  20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  21. You know stuff about tanks.
  22. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  23. You can open all your own jars.
  24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  25. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  26. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
  29. You are unableto see wrinkles in your clothes.
  30. Everything on your face stays its original color.
  31. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  32. You only have to shave your face and neck.
  33. You can play with toys all your life.
  34. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  35. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
  36. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
  37. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
  38. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
  39. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes..

    No wonder men are happier.

38 comments:

Katina Cloud said...

Thats a very true list. Thanks to Mrs. Shife for sending this to you.

nicole said...

Okay, I'm in LOVE with the truth of number 19. You guys amaze me with that!

I'm also in love with katrina cloud's icon. Long live The King!

Dirk the Feeble said...

I forwarded this to everyone on my e-mail list! All three of them!

Denise said...

Ha Ha!

Women CAN be President...the only problem is that men are too ignorant to vote for a woman.

I don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut or screw.

My new shoes don't do any of those because I refuse to wear heels ever again.

I have one mood all of the time: BITCHY.

My phone conversations are short, too.

Women can open their own jars...we just have to let you men THINK we need you.

;)

Sideshow said...

"You can open all your own jars."

HA! So true.

leo myshkin said...

yup, we men can also relax and be wrong once in a while. women have to be right 100% of the time.

if we gloat to much, i'm told we come back as women in the next life.

the duck said...

Yep, I especially like "same work, more pay" and "one mood all the time". That whole work thing is pretty sweet huh? All those perks PLUS more money to boot? All just for having a dangly thing betwixt the legs? Deal.

angel, jr. said...

You are very lucky to have such a wise woman in your life.

yellowdog granny said...

and don't you forget it....

Jane said...

LMAO!!
Yes, the blog has been restored. Blogger actually does have tech support after all.
Nothing wrong with taking lunches by yourself. I've read a lot of good books that way or just enjoyed watching the world go by in peace and quiet. Ahhhh....

Chairborne Stranger said...

that's an awesome post, too funny, man.

Jon said...

All very true, and yet it still makes me feel good.
Yes, it is good to be a man.

the_mrs said...

"You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt."

Me neither! "Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty" ;)

madame P said...

awesome awesome !!!!

the missus rocks !!!!

so damn true !!!

Blonde Vigilante said...

I just bang my jars hard on the floor and they usually losen up. As for the shoes, I plead the 5th.

The Phoenix said...

Very accurate list.

The whole menstruating thing...oh man. I'm so happy to be a man.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Being a man I have no problem with. The whole peeing outdoors thing has been good to me. Being a BROKE man is the thing that is starting to bother me.

DaMasta said...

*sniff*
All true.



Say hi to the bassett hound for me. I thought of him over the weekend. Remember The Cuz's fat beagal? He's skinny now! Amazing what not feeding him 8 times a day will do for a dog.

;)

shirley said...

This list is only true if your boyfriend isn't a fag. (I'm implying my boyfriend's a fag) Uh-oh! Here he comes, hide me!

Tina said...

Haha so what does it mean when I have opened jars for a guy or two before? ;) hehe nice list

Phats said...

haha great list, your wife is a wise lady

The Scarlett said...

Your wife knows all that is wise.

missy said...

Well done Mrs! :-)

Jay said...

I totally snarked at most of those...I mean, come on, it's 2006 already. And then I read the one about doing your nails with a pocketknife. That one really spoke to me. In the heart burn kind of way.

Design Goddess said...

All I can say is "Righty tighty, lefty loosey"

And if a guy's not wearing a shirt, you bet your sweet bippy I'll be staring at his chest! :)

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

dashababy said...

I'm sending you happy non-worrying vibes.

Steph said...

This is why in my next life, I'm coming back as a man. It's on big friggin PARTY!!!

Big Ben said...

Women stare at my chest, it usually at eye level for them (but I do my fare share of staring back).

Tina said...

Where ya at? :)

Design Goddess said...

Great....now I've got Bobby McFerrin in my head. Thanks.

Denise said...

Knock, knock! Is anyone there?

Terence said...

The lack of not having to sit to pee on this list bothers me.

Also the ability to scratch ourselves wherever and whenever we damn well please is definitely a plus.

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

Anonymous said...

Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money

sdRay said...

My name is Ray and I just started a new blog about sexual confession. Its a place where you can chat about sexual confession confidentially. I hope you will come and check out www.MySecretConfessionSpace.com. Thanks for letting me post on your site.