Last Saturday I had the wonderful pleasure of running 7 miles for my half-marathon training. It was a cold, blistery day but the course was nice as it took us along the Greenbelt, which links over 850 acres of parks and natural areas along the Boise River. We live in a pretty friendly town and everyone says hello and good morning as you pass each other on the course.
After about mile 6, I am feeling good. I am saying hi to everyone, there is a spring in my step, and I am thinking how cool I am. (Disclaimer: The following sentences are a dramatic re-creation of my stream of consciousness while I was running.) I just pulled off an awesome surprise party for Mrs. Shife which makes me the best husband ever and life is pretty good since our families are in town. We are going to have a great weekend. What are we going to do? I want to go to the movies. I can’t wait to see V for Vendetta. It is going to be A for Awesome. Oh here comes another jogger – should I wave and say hello or should I just wave? Maybe I should just say good morning? I think I will say good morning and wave. Yeah, I have not done that yet. Or I could say good morning and give thumbs up. Now that would be impressive. But is it too much? OK, here he comes. “Good morning” and a wave and OH NO, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DID NOT JUST TRIP AND FALL. Holy shit this is embarrassing. Are you kidding me? I did not just trip and fall while I was saying good morning to a fellow jogger. Oh but I did, and you have the scuffed knees and hands to prove it.
I get up quickly and assure the fellow jogger that I am OK.
And I laugh at myself as I finish my run.
The first question Mrs. Shife asks me when I tell her the story is "What was she wearing?"
I just figure someone up above was just giving me a friendly reminder that maybe I should not be so full of myself and I needed a reality check.
Either that or I am just a dork.
After about mile 6, I am feeling good. I am saying hi to everyone, there is a spring in my step, and I am thinking how cool I am. (Disclaimer: The following sentences are a dramatic re-creation of my stream of consciousness while I was running.) I just pulled off an awesome surprise party for Mrs. Shife which makes me the best husband ever and life is pretty good since our families are in town. We are going to have a great weekend. What are we going to do? I want to go to the movies. I can’t wait to see V for Vendetta. It is going to be A for Awesome. Oh here comes another jogger – should I wave and say hello or should I just wave? Maybe I should just say good morning? I think I will say good morning and wave. Yeah, I have not done that yet. Or I could say good morning and give thumbs up. Now that would be impressive. But is it too much? OK, here he comes. “Good morning” and a wave and OH NO, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DID NOT JUST TRIP AND FALL. Holy shit this is embarrassing. Are you kidding me? I did not just trip and fall while I was saying good morning to a fellow jogger. Oh but I did, and you have the scuffed knees and hands to prove it.
I get up quickly and assure the fellow jogger that I am OK.
And I laugh at myself as I finish my run.
The first question Mrs. Shife asks me when I tell her the story is "What was she wearing?"
I just figure someone up above was just giving me a friendly reminder that maybe I should not be so full of myself and I needed a reality check.
Either that or I am just a dork.
H for Hilarious. You are a nut.
ReplyDeletePrime example of why I don't run.
ReplyDeleteWhat was she wearing, anyway?
That is so funny... I could just see the look on the other joggers face. LOL!
ReplyDeleteOh, and the Ohio State game was so sad. I cannot believe they lost!
I think it is more like what WASNT she wearing. I have 2 joggers where I live that annoy me:
ReplyDelete1) Bikini jogger-- she is perfect. nothing on her body jiggles. She runs in a bikini.
2) Bouncing jogger-- big breasticles and doesnt wear a bra when she runs. I don't know how she doesn't knock herself out.
BTW, I think you are the greatest husband ever. If you are ever in the market for a MrsShifeII, I am available.
Any girl wearing skimpy clothes while jogging in the morning in Boise in March is obviously an attention whore
ReplyDeleteAw.. :) That's totally something that would happen to me too. But kudos on the surprise party and being the best Mr Shife ever!
ReplyDeleteBreasticles.. is that a technical term? :P
Training for the Special Olympics?
ReplyDeleteDork or not, I still think you're awesome. I would have laughed, but at least I would have helped you up....
ReplyDeleteI love how you were pondering how to greet the jogger. That is exactly the kind of thing I wrestle with when walking.
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious I wish i could have seen it I would have laughed so hard. Are you insane for running that much?! I always tell my kids that want to run track, do you not understand that running is the punishment in ALL other sports.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the half marathon, hopefully you'll stay on your feet
Hahaha nice. Did you have a nice trip? Nah, now that is dorky! ;)
ReplyDeleteI need to get back into running. I love it.
So...what WAS she wearing, Shife? ;)
ReplyDeleteNicely written story, dude. I can almost feel the scuffs on my hands!
By the way, that last "Anonymous" comment was from ME. I have no idea why I didn't get a login option. Dumb BLOGGER!
ReplyDeleteHa ha haaa! Sorry to hear about your fall. Maybe it was some "one and/or thing" trying to tell you that you're a dork who's full of himself! :)
ReplyDeleteI posted about the "secret society of joggers" wave. WTF is that about? Cos you jog, that means you have like a bond or something?? Weird. I hate jogging. It's an invention of the devil.
ReplyDeleteLOL! How do you get into so much trouble!
ReplyDeleteyes... B for Brilliant!!!
ReplyDeletei haven't fell for such a long time... i forget how that feels like... i hope you didn't scratch anything essential...
v for vendetta was good.. i liked it alot.. not worth seeing on Imax though.. not as action packed as i thought it would be...
Yeah..what WAS she wearing ??
ReplyDeletemaybe you should wear a bicycle helmet next time you go jogging. the marketers always tell us to differentiate our product. the babes will remember the guy with the bicycle helmet.
ReplyDeleteYour wife, she is a wise wise woman.
ReplyDeleteLOL!! Oh, I am so sorry....is your ego ok? =D
ReplyDeleteThat was a Steve Erkel moment for sure. You should've acted really injured. She could've come to your rescue.
ReplyDeleteI'll ask one more time: What was she wearing?
Just passing through, I'm digging the blog by the way.
ReplyDeletelook... it's humanity Critic.... !!!!!
ReplyDeleteF for freakin hilarious!
ReplyDeleteDude, the cool thing was, you were jogging and training for a marathon!! Way to go!!!
ReplyDelete